Slice of Life, the perspective of a Butler in a fantasy world.

[Baomont]

I'm working on a book that is quite a new genre for me, but something I have really wanted to delve into.
While I am working on a large fantasy world, I didn't want to jump right into writing some epic fantasy novel, instead I wanted to explore stories through the perspectives of ordinary people. Expand the depth of characters and locations fully.
That is where this story comes in. On the boarder of two great nations lies the Eastern boarder keep (Eastwatch) which serves as a diplomatic bastion between the nations. Edagr, a butler trainee arrives and learns how to serve nobility in this high-stakes diplomacy focused keep. We learn with him, explore relationships and growth as he finds his footing and strives to improve to be the best butler he can be, all while avoiding complicated scenarios and getting himself deep into interesting situations.

I have the first 6 chapters up with the seventh arriving shortly. I plan to post daily. - I'd love feedback on what you think about the story.
It's a book that I think covers quite a niche audience so it may not be for everyone. It is a slow burn slice of life, progression story with a romance sub-plot.

Eastwatch: Of Service and Silence

At Eastwatch, peace is not won. It is maintained. When Edgar Umber arrives at the great border keep as its newest butler trainee, he expects hard work and discipline. What he finds instead is a system where perfection is demanded, mistakes ripple through an entire household, and the smallest...

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Chapters 1-6 follow his training arch, shows his progression and introduces a possible love interest. But chapter 7 is about to turn things on it's head and later chapters changing Edgar's life forever, be it a good change or bad, it will be for you to find out!

 

[Lysander_Works]

Based on the premise, I'd be most interested if the focus was set learning the elements of being a perfect butler. Especially when it's for noble/upper-class, attention to detail, and importance/virtues of what a butler will do (and the character's growth into that) is a good starting point.

 

[Baomont]

Based on the premise, I'd be most interested if the focus was set learning the elements of being a perfect butler. Especially when it's for noble/upper-class, attention to detail, and importance/virtues of what a butler will do (and the character's growth into that) is a good starting point.

That's more or less what I'm going for. There are undertones of other plot points that keep things interesting and break up the training a little, but the story follows his journey as a trainee butler, learning the ropes, how to serve, how to improve and achieve the seemingly 'perfection' of his mentors.

 

[Lysander_Works]

That's more or less what I'm going for. There are undertones of other plot points that keep things interesting and break up the training a little, but the story follows his journey as a trainee butler, learning the ropes, how to serve, how to improve and achieve the seemingly 'perfection' of his mentors.

Hm...

How do I explain...?

The basic plot and heart is there, but the word style is working against it. There's less inner character affirmation than I hope to see.

Example of what I perused:

I hadn’t realised I had. Watson glanced toward her, then back to me.


“Continue.” I did. But the next time I lifted the tray, my hands felt steadier than they had a moment before.


Watson let the silence sit for a moment after the last placement, as if even the absence of sound were something to be judged.


“That will do for today,” he said at last.


Relief came, but not all at once. It settled the way the tray had, gradually, until I realised my shoulders had lowered without my noticing. “You will assist this evening,” he continued. “A smaller service. Fewer eyes, but no less expectation.”


“Yes, sir.”


“You are not ready,” he said plainly. “But you are no longer unprepared. There is a difference.”


I inclined my head, unsure whether that counted as encouragement or warning.

There's no intermittent thought/self-reflection about the MC's situation. minimal MC analytics of observation of the characters around them. Many different possible methods to establish a baseline tone beyond passive action. You just have to find one that works and apply it.

 

[Baomont]

Hm...

How do I explain...?

The basic plot and heart is there, but the word style is working against it. There's less inner character affirmation than I hope to see.

Example of what I perused:




There's no intermittent thought/self-reflection about the MC's situation. minimal MC analytics of observation of the characters around them. Many different possible methods to establish a baseline tone beyond passive action. You just have to find one that works and apply it.

You're completely right. That's a weakness I absolutely need to work on for sure. I'll make a note to look into that more on my next editing pass through! Thanks for pointing that out!

 

[Lysander_Works]

You're completely right. That's a weakness I absolutely need to work on for sure. I'll make a note to look into that more on my next editing pass through! Thanks for pointing that out!

Yep, it's important to come up with a style that works for you and for the characters, something that can present what they are feeling in the moments. I do it through more internal monologing, but it's just one example of many possibilities. Saves a lot of time later when you can create new chapters and the new style you develop flows through by habit.