Small ideas

[TooThunder7]

Share your story and ideas.

My story is

title West

I knew,-”. The sun rising as Cip talked. “-You don’t know... No. You never know how someone is inside,-” sigh. The light from the sun bounced off the steel from his badge. The badge shone miles into the endless desert. The sun rose, he held a wheat straw in his mouth. The desert sand twisted as the wind blew. Cip was leaned back against a wooden fence of a horse ring. “-That what I think... thinking.. -sigh- It what I know.” He said, staring up at the rising sun. The horses started to come out of their stock. The town was quiet as morning began. The small town at morning was peaceful, the small breezes, the heat of the sun just right.

this is small part of what I has for the beginning so far.
tell me what you think.

 

[GrotesqueHeaven]

Tbh I would say it's too short to say anything except 2 things:

- I am not English native or anything, but I feel like you have grammar issues. "-That what I think... thinking.. -sigh- It what I know.” Not to discourage you but it was painful to read.
- Formatting. What I mean is, you added '-' at the beginning of all the phrases and it looks odd, at least in m opinion.

Also, just a small thing - the repetitions. "The town was quiet as morning began. The small town at morning was peaceful," Morning and then morning again. Delete the second one, since you have already stated that it's morning.

 

[Rolanov]

Share your story and ideas.

My story is

title West

I knew,-”. The sun rising as Cip talked. “-You don’t know... No. You never know how someone is inside,-” sigh. The light from the sun bounced off the steel from his badge. The badge shone miles into the endless desert. The sun rose, he held a wheat straw in his mouth. The desert sand twisted as the wind blew. Cip was leaned back against a wooden fence of a horse ring. “-That what I think... thinking.. -sigh- It what I know.” He said, staring up at the rising sun. The horses started to come out of their stock. The town was quiet as morning began. The small town at morning was peaceful, the small breezes, the heat of the sun just right.

this is small part of what I has for the beginning so far.
tell me what you think.

What's the plot?

 

[TooThunder7]

What's the plot?

I don’t have the exact plot, but overall it follows cowboys with curses weapons. it set in a world with demons and angels and is overall supernatural their are also curses horses.

Tbh I would say it's too short to say anything except 2 things:

- I am not English native or anything, but I feel like you have grammar issues. "-That what I think... thinking.. -sigh- It what I know.” Not to discourage you but it was painful to read.
- Formatting. What I mean is, you added '-' at the beginning of all the phrases and it looks odd, at least in m opinion.

Also, just a small thing - the repetitions. "The town was quiet as morning began. The small town at morning was peaceful," Morning and then morning again. Delete the second one, since you have already stated that it's morning.

I reworked it, hope it better.


“I knew Joseph”. He said watching the sun rise. The man talking was Clip. “I don’t know what happened that day”. He sighs. The light from the sun bounced off the steel from his badge. The badge shone miles into the endless desert. The sun rose, he held a wheat straw in his mouth. The desert sand twisted as the wind blew. Clip was lean back against a wooden fence of a horse ring, there was no horse out. “He the worst man that ever walk the earth” Clip said.

The small town Dust Hike was alway quiet in the morning. The horses started to come out of their stock.

 

[Rolanov]

I don’t have the exact plot, but overall it follows cowboys with curses weapons. it set in a world with demons and angels and is overall supernatural their are also curses horses.

I reworked it, hope it better.


“I knew Joseph”. He said watching the sun rise. The man talking was Clip. “I don’t know what happened that day”. He sighs. The light from the sun bounced off the steel from his badge. The badge shone miles into the endless desert. The sun rose, he held a wheat straw in his mouth. The desert sand twisted as the wind blew. Clip was lean back against a wooden fence of a horse ring, there was no horse out. “He the worst man that ever walk the earth” Clip said.

The small town Dust Hike was alway quiet in the morning. The horses started to come out of their stock.

i don't mean to be blunt, but it will be hard if you don't have exact plot yet, and to make it worse you had grammar issues.

 

[TooThunder7]

i don't mean to be blunt, but it will be hard if you don't have exact plot yet, and to make it worse you had grammar issues.

I know who the story follows and I have the story
outlined and what going to happened. And I know the main character and their storylines.

 

[TooThunder7]

Hello anyone here?

 

[LeslieLevendale]

the section you pasted into the box felt atmospheric. I think it's promising. The grammar can be fixed easily. The main thing is that you have a story that you want to tell. Please continue.

 

[TooThunder7]

the section you pasted into the box felt atmospheric. I think it's promising. The grammar can be fixed easily. The main thing is that you have a story that you want to tell. Please continue.

Clip entire town get murder by these bad guy’s I don’t have specific name them or what are they give off vampire vibes.

they kill the town people by releasing a disease everyone drop dead.

As soon they come into the town and Clip go up them. Is when they release the disease that instantly infected everybody in the town and start bleeding and dropping dead. Clip don’t how what the bad guys are doing what their doing but he does work it have something do with them. He give a speech how they will pain As he about to kill them The bad guys shoot him in the head mid speech killing him. The bad guys give their own speech to the dead Clip. The thing about Clip is like I said this supernatural story. He has a power sorts of it not specific a power basically when he die or is killed he doesn’t go straight to the afterlife he get a trial and the judge decides whatever is sent back his body or he go to the afterlife. He deserve to life/their more to live for or their still justice to be service he pick a reason why he should be put back in his body and whatever reason he pick he can only argue for that side. The judge is not The God more an afterlife god. If Clip convice the judge to let him return back to earth he is relive any wound he contains is healed.