First, this is the wrong subforum, so yeah. Second, I gave it a look, and the "stylization" makes it nearly impossible to read. Like, it's exceptionally hard to read something when a sentence occurs on different double spaced lines. I'm not sure if you've just got bad formatting, or you aren't paying attention when copying it from somewhere else, but you really need to reformat it to make it properly readable. There are some alarm bells ringing in my head that it might be generated by AI, but there are also actual grammar errors, which make me believe that isn't the case. Character names aren't capitalized, there are times when stylistic choices like "Goooo!" being written aren't great. That reads as goo to me, but I might be knit picking.
Reformat, use paragraphs, ensure proper grammar rules are followed.
Hi there,
Thanks for taking the time to check out my chapter and share your thoughts. I understand your concerns about formatting and readability — you're absolutely right, and I appreciate you pointing that out. And yes I deliberately post it in wrong subform just so I get some honest reviews.
Just to clarify:
The story, characters, and writing are entirely my own. I'm the original writer. I use AI tools occasionally to help reformat my raw drafts, clean up alignment, or improve structure after I’ve written the content, especially since I draft on mobile, and formatting can get a bit messy. That may be why it looked awkward or had inconsistent spacing.
As for grammar, I’m still working on improving it — English isn’t my first language, so there may be a few things I miss here and there. I’ll make sure to polish it further, especially in terms of punctuation and sentence flow. Your feedback about capitalization and word choice (like “Goooo!”) is noted, and I’ll revise that as well.
Again, thank you for your honesty. I’ll reformat the chapter using proper paragraph structure and ensure it’s easier to read moving forward.
Again thanks it means a lot !?
Why are you randomly announcing your chapter drop here?
I Just needed people's from other subform let me know what they think about the chapter nothing rocker science
Thanks for being here though ?
Spell Valuable and Feedback correctly. Don't SHOUT AT EVERYONE. Fix those errors in the POST and maybe you'll get some more serious responses regarding your work.
Spell Valuable and Feedback correctly. Don't SHOUT AT EVERYONE. Fix those errors in the POST and maybe you'll get some more serious responses regarding your work.
Oh thanks for pointing that out, I didn't have noticed that until i readed your message, I type fast so sometimes I spell wrong or sometimes autocorrect mess up
Thanks
Thank you for the feedback!
I’m still learning how to properly format my chapters for forums and webnovel platforms. I actually wrote the entire story myself, but I used AI only for helping with formatting and polishing, since I draft on mobile and sometimes the spacing turns out weird.
I’ll definitely fix the paragraph and spacing issues in the next version. I appreciate you taking the time to point it out thanks ?
Why is he screaming? At least fix up the thread title that looks like a glaring alarm to wake me up.
PS- like what Tyrano said the formatting of the novel isn't good whenever I try to read I read, the double paragraph break as wait or scene break as that is what I am used to.
ut.
Since this is a feedback thread:
What is the reason for such a huge space between paragraphs?
What does time smell like? And why the word "still" here? Maybe, "books not touched in years." I know, it sounds awful, but time doesn't smell!
What? Okay, walk me throw this. Is the stench of "time" so strong that it can be sensed from the outside? Shelves I can buy, maybe there are glass windows, but boy is it stinks in the scene you wrote, if the MC senses it from the street. Or was the MC describing to us what a library with paper books is?
Whispers are audible. I think gathered rumors would do better, since these are written records.
Align the sentences.
So he did reply. I know what you meant; it's just... doesn't make much sense to my lizard brain.
Since there's a comma at the end of the upper row, the sentence wasn't finished, and this all is one part of a whole. The way you broke it down hurts my spleen.
Listen, you're not as bad a writer as I am, since I'm the worst writer ever. You need to sit down and read what you wrote, think if it makes any sense, and rearrange the story to be readable, instead of tossing it at a wall like a rotten fruit. Your story must shine.
Thank you so much for the in-depth feedback—it really helps a lot!
You’re right about the paragraph spacing and formatting. I write most of my chapters on mobile, and for this one, I used AI only to help format and clean things up for web-style readability. I now realize it looked strange on the forum layout, especially with those large gaps. That’s on me.
As for some of the stylistic choices like “smelled like time” and the early mention of dusty shelves—I was going for a more poetic, cinematic vibe, but I completely understand how it could be misread or feel off in this format. I’ll definitely rework those lines for clarity and better flow. And the second reason i write this cause 10 year's back kael used to go in that library with his Father that is why and the if you are wondering , then why don't he recognise that old lady cause he never seen her whenever he came with his father the lady been sick and her daughter were there for her place . It's my very first novel and my very first try to write somthing. I'll definately improve my work.
Thanks again for taking the time to point these things out. I genuinely appreciate it. I’m still learning and improving, and i think critiques like this make a big difference. ?
The sentences are damn short. There's no ebb and flow because of that. I can see Butlerese in your words, with bad rhetorical questions and bad metaphors. It doesn't feel like it was written with craft, but with a sense of "put the words on the page". The implied author I can parse from this text is someone tryhard, trying to sound cool, but because of trying to look "cool", he becomes cringe. There's no effortless narration going on, narrator tries too hard to persuade the reader, and because of that, he fails to persuade.
Thanks a lot for the honest feedback — I really appreciate it.
Just to clarify, the story is written by me. I use AI only for formatting or organizing the structure, but sometimes that adds too much spacing or weird line breaks, which I’ll now fix manually.
About the writing — you’re right. Some metaphors were off, the short sentences hurt the flow, and the tone did come off as forced. That wasn’t my intention, but I understand how it feels “tryhard” or overly dramatic. I’m still learning how to balance style with clarity, especially while shaping Kael’s voice.
I’ll revise the chapter with smoother narration, better paragraph rhythm, and more grounded phrasing. I’m grateful for the bluntness — this helps me grow as a writer. Thanks again ?
