Can you please check out my story and tell me what you think?

[Axiweave]

My story is new and I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong or right, but I’m not getting much engagement even though I’m getting page views. Some feedback would be nice. The story: Ocean High: A Sea Of Brilliant Minds

 

[Roney]

My story is new and I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong or right, but I’m not getting much engagement even though I’m getting page views. Some feedback would be nice. The story: Ocean High: A Sea Of Brilliant Minds

So I didnt read your story yet. But just from the page as a reader I would tell you I probably wouldnt go into a chapter from that page. Reasons being. Both your poster and synopsis doesnt really give me anything to go off of. Even when im at a bookstore buying books I look at the cover and read the synopsis on the back before opening the book at all.

After reading your synopsis all i got was that there are two main characters and a school called ocean high. None of that really gives me a reason to be interested in the story. What kind of school is ocean high? If its renowned why is it renowned? Basically it needs a hook I think to convert page viewers into readers.

Now im no expert either I started here 2 days ago and only have 11 readers despite having 222 page views. But atleast thats what my thoughts were when I went to view your page.

Im sure someone more qualified will be able to help you better.

If you do want a reference heres my page:
Strongest Mage in History

 

[S.TrujilloL.]

This piece has some intriguing contrasts — especially the sharp tension between intelligence and instability. I appreciate how you hint at deeper character dynamics (like Orian’s casually disturbing inner voice) without over-explaining them. It keeps the reader alert.

That said, the sudden tonal shifts (from dry humor to psychological violence to slice-of-life banter) could benefit from smoother transitions or clearer internal cues. For example, Orian’s headspace is interesting, but the voice of the narration sometimes feels disjointed between scenes. With some tightening, it could become a compelling mix of dark satire and mystery.

I’m curious where this goes. The premise of Ocean High — a school for “gifted” students with questionable morals — has great potential. Especially if the contrast between Wox and Orian becomes more than just an IQ rivalry.

You’ve got something unique here. Just refine the tone and pacing, and it'll land even harder.

 

[Axiweave]

This piece has some intriguing contrasts — especially the sharp tension between intelligence and instability. I appreciate how you hint at deeper character dynamics (like Orian’s casually disturbing inner voice) without over-explaining them. It keeps the reader alert.

That said, the sudden tonal shifts (from dry humor to psychological violence to slice-of-life banter) could benefit from smoother transitions or clearer internal cues. For example, Orian’s headspace is interesting, but the voice of the narration sometimes feels disjointed between scenes. With some tightening, it could become a compelling mix of dark satire and mystery.

I’m curious where this goes. The premise of Ocean High — a school for “gifted” students with questionable morals — has great potential. Especially if the contrast between Wox and Orian becomes more than just an IQ rivalry.

You’ve got something unique here. Just refine the tone and pacing, and it'll land even harder.

Thanks so much, You're the first feedback I've had on this platform. I was iffy about the headspace idea because It's not something You normally see in web novels, At least I think. Looks like it's working just fine though. I'll try to tighten up the narration.

So I didnt read your story yet. But just from the page as a reader I would tell you I probably wouldnt go into a chapter from that page. Reasons being. Both your poster and synopsis doesnt really give me anything to go off of. Even when im at a bookstore buying books I look at the cover and read the synopsis on the back before opening the book at all.

After reading your synopsis all i got was that there are two main characters and a school called ocean high. None of that really gives me a reason to be interested in the story. What kind of school is ocean high? If its renowned why is it renowned? Basically it needs a hook I think to convert page viewers into readers.

Now im no expert either I started here 2 days ago and only have 11 readers despite having 222 page views. But atleast thats what my thoughts were when I went to view your page.

Im sure someone more qualified will be able to help u better.

If you do want a reference heres my page:
Strongest Mage in History

Thanks, I also remember thinking my synopsis Look a little dry, But I ignored it for the time being. I'll try making it better.