I want to know some feedbacks on my story. I am new to this

[Snehazrul]

I recently joined this community. I am not sure if you'd like it or not, but I am sure I am writing while being myself. I'll decide on your feedbacks if i should continue or not

 

[Deleted member 266]

I recently joined this community. I am not sure if you'd like it or not, but I am sure I am writing while being myself. I'll decide on your feedbacks if i should continue or not

Linked it for you

The Unfinished Life Of Saryntha : Celestial Knights

In a world where Celestials are both the product and cause of sins, Saryntha Sayra, a high school girl, joins the Celestial Knights’ school just to feel different. But on her way in, she stumbles into an event that nearly kills her. She survives only by taking a Celestial’s...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[aspa201]

Hi, I've read the first few chapters, and the story seems to have a lot of potential. I think it's generally well written, but I had trouble fully getting into it because I feel like it lacks context and descriptions.

 

[Snehazrul]

Hi, I've read the first few chapters, and the story seems to have a lot of potential. I think it's generally well written, but I had trouble fully getting into it because I feel like it lacks context and descriptions.

Thank you so much, buddy. This really helps. I'll try to improve on them. Tbh, I am managing it with my other businesses.Where did you feel lost exactly? I can help with that. Or reading a few more chapters may give you the context you want.

 

[RiceballWasTaken]

I recently joined this community. I am not sure if you'd like it or not, but I am sure I am writing while being myself. I'll decide on your feedbacks if i should continue or not

Chapters are short, and chapters here are like usually 1k words at least.

But you are new so thats understandable. Just have a routine and have confidence in yourself as a writer.

 

[Snehazrul]

Chapters are short, and chapters here are like usually 1k words at least.

But you are new so thats understandable. Just have a routine and have confidence in yourself as a writer.

Omg, you all are so cute ?. Thank you so much for taking your time. I thought people wouldn't go through if they were big.
Thanks again

 

[7ydy]

i like your story. sometimes i worry that a story is AI, but your story has a soul which is what i look for in books

other people have said theres not a lot of descriptions of the people or places.., i agree. i think if you want to go back and describe the academy, the weapons, the uniforms, i think i'd be more interested.

something to clarify: her heart stops beating in chapter 1, it took me a few chapter to realize it didnt *start* beating again, right? i think you should write about that a few more times in the second and third chapter. realizing she still didnt have a heartbeat but was winning was compelling. what does it feel like to fight without a heart?

 

[Snehazrul]

i like your story. sometimes i worry that a story is AI, but your story has a soul which is what i look for in books

other people have said theres not a lot of descriptions of the people or places.., i agree. i think if you want to go back and describe the academy, the weapons, the uniforms, i think i'd be more interested.

something to clarify: her heart stops beating in chapter 1, it took me a few chapter to realize it didnt *start* beating again, right? i think you should write about that a few more times in the second and third chapter. realizing she still didnt have a heartbeat but was winning was compelling. what does it feel like to fight without a hear

Thank you so much for your reply.
I didn't think people would be actually interested to read my story, so i overlooked the descriptions, going straight to the point. Actually, The first chapter showed the event that occured in present. Then with chapter 2, it actually went to the past events that led to the event in the present. She had gone there to get selected as a knight. The students have to pass several rounds to get selected, which she struggled to. Then the event that was is first chapter, started from chapter 16.
I mainly did because i thought if i went from the past from the first chapter, it would make readers bore since my story is heavy with introspection. Thanks again.