Need help with my synopsis

[Deleted member 93348]

I’ve shortened it to its most bare-bones summary, but my sister and I felt that it could still be better. Here’s the jist of it:

The magical world of Parallaxis had every trope in the book, so why waste time partying all night? That was what Hokori thought when he read a prophecy foretelling he’d beat the life out of a main character lookin-ass. After all, he was the real deal.

Anyway, welcome to Parallaxis! The world of a thousand “heroes” with their own stories to tell. But “Peerless Champion” Hokori wouldn’t have it any other way; this story is his and his alone. His family and friends do get a lot of screentime, though.

I wrote it this way after I decided to name my upcoming novel “Parallaxis” instead of “Pridemonger.” It still fits the tone of my prose: slightly witty, sarcastic, and heavy on gen Z slang. Still, I feel like it can be better that is now. Please let me know your thoughts and suggestions.

 

[CarburetorThompson]

Go to My Anime List, and read the synopsis of a few of the top 100 listed anime. Then model your synopsis of off those. That’s my advice.

 

[Deleted member 93348]

Go to My Anime List, and read the synopsis of a few of the top 100 listed anime. Then model your synopsis of off those. That’s my advice.

Well, I’m not aiming for the kind of anime that sells nowadays (generic isekai where the generic MC forms an underage slave harem and becomes a god). Although my novel is an isekai, it’s a very meta one. It treats every character as an actual human (or a species of similar intelligence and flaws) while still having humor comparable to old-school stuff. Ironic, given my prose is supposed to cater to my generation.

Maybe I should emphasize that my MC is destined to fight a Kirito expy? It’s why I called the latter a “main character lookin-ass.”

 

[Deleted member 54065]

I think the first paragraph is good enough, or you can still improve it. The second is unnecessary.

"The magical world of Parallaxis has every trope in the book, so why waste partying all night?" Hokori thought when he read a prophecy telling him he'd beat the shit out of a main character-looking asshole. After all, he's the real deal.

And this is his story alone.

Tried to remove some unnecessary/redundant stuff, @FelixFelicis

 

[Deleted member 93348]

I think the first paragraph is good enough, or you can still improve it. The second is unnecessary.

"The magical world of Parallaxis has every trope in the book, so why waste partying all night?" Hokori thought when he read a prophecy telling him he'd beat the shit out of a main character-looking asshole. After all, he's the real deal.

And this is his story alone.

Tried to remove some unnecessary/redundant stuff, @FelixFelicis

Thank you! But I will say that “lookin-ass” is fine, in my opinion. It’s how the gen Z slang is spelt formally. And I do kinda want to keep the “family and friends” remark because it still fits with my prose.

 

[Jemini]

Well, I’m not aiming for the kind of anime that sells nowadays (generic isekai where the generic MC forms an underage slave harem and becomes a god). Although my novel is an isekai, it’s a very meta one. It treats every character as an actual human (or a species of similar intelligence and flaws) while still having humor comparable to old-school stuff. Ironic, given my prose is supposed to cater to my generation.

Maybe I should emphasize that my MC is destined to fight a Kirito expy? It’s why I called the latter a “main character lookin-ass.”

I think the issue he was pointing out is that your synopsis is too conversational and casual. It needs to take some perspective distance, and reading some professionally done synopsies would be the best way to become familiar with what that looks like.

 

[StrongArm]

go around your house and find ACTUAL novels. base it off those. If you dont have any books, go to a book store & look at those. If thats too hard and your glandular problem doesnt let you leave the house then look up books online and read their synopsis.

Or just read mine, which are awesome!

 

[CupcakeNinja]

I’ve shortened it to its most bare-bones summary, but my sister and I felt that it could still be better. Here’s the jist of it:

I wrote it this way after I decided to name my upcoming novel “Parallaxis” instead of “Pridemonger.” It still fits the tone of my prose: slightly witty, sarcastic, and heavy on gen Z slang. Still, I feel like it can be better that is now. Please let me know your thoughts and suggestions.

my version:

Spoiler: if interested

Parallaxiz. A world containing every goddamn trope in the book. With a world like that at your fingertips, partying at the club just doesn't measure up. No matter what variety of drugs or women you can get your hands on in one. Such were Hokori's thoughts when he read a prophecy foretelling he'd beat the ever-loving fuck out of some "main character" looking asshat. After all, why would he need to waste time on some self-righteous cuck when he could be out having actual fun instead?

Enter Parallaxis! A world of a thousand heroes and ten thousand stories!.... But who cared about someone else's tale of glory? Kokori had his own fable to weave. Stay tuned, kids. You're in for one hell of a ride.

I didn't know the personality of the MC so i didnt make it as colorful as i would do a synopsis of my own. But off the top of my head, i like it.

 

[Ilikewaterkusa]

I’ve shortened it to its most bare-bones summary, but my sister and I felt that it could still be better. Here’s the jist of it:

I wrote it this way after I decided to name my upcoming novel “Parallaxis” instead of “Pridemonger.” It still fits the tone of my prose: slightly witty, sarcastic, and heavy on gen Z slang. Still, I feel like it can be better that is now. Please let me know your thoughts and suggestions.

Just introduce your character first before jumping into the exposition. Also it might not be good to call it parallel something since that’s not really a good brand name and I don’t really see how it matches your reasons tbh.

 

[Deleted member 93348]

my version:

Spoiler: if interested

Parallaxiz. A world containing every goddamn trope in the book. With a world like that at your fingertips, partying at the club just doesn't measure up. No matter what variety of drugs or women you can get your hands on in one. Such were Hokori's thoughts when he read a prophecy foretelling he'd beat the ever-loving fuck out of some "main character" looking asshat. After all, why would he need to waste time on some self-righteous cuck when he could be out having actual fun instead?

Enter Parallaxis! A world of a thousand heroes and ten thousand stories!.... But who cared about someone else's tale of glory? Kokori had his own fable to weave. Stay tuned, kids. You're in for one hell of a ride.

I didn't know the personality of the MC so i didnt make it as colorful as i would do a synopsis of my own. But off the top of my head, i like it.

Lmao, my sides. I must say it’s a bit crude for my taste, so I’ll tone it down a bit. You’ve given me a lot more ideas to write a longer synopsis. In fact, I’ll show it to y’all in this very thread. Just give me a few more minutes.

Just introduce your character first before jumping into the exposition. Also it might not be good to call it parallel something since that’s not really a good brand name and I don’t really see how it matches your reasons tbh.

So I suppose “Pridemonger” was the better option? I made a poll not too long ago, and more people gravitated toward “Parallaxis.”

 

[CupcakeNinja]

Lmao, my sides. I must say it’s a bit crude for my taste, so I’ll tone it down a bit. You’ve given me a lot more ideas to write a longer synopsis. In fact, I’ll show it to y’all in this very thread. Just give me a few more minutes.

So I suppose “Pridemonger” was the better option? I made a poll not too long ago, and more people gravitated toward “Parallaxis.”

I dont even know what parralaxis is supposed to mean. People think mystery adds to the attraction but thats bullshit, i'd much rather read a story titled Pridemonger since it makes me question way more. Parrallaxis....okay, what, its a place probably? Alright, cool i guess.

Pridemonger makes me more interested in the characters. Cuz obviously it HAS to be a character. The MC? a villain? some other character who may actually play a more important role somehow later? What does it mean to monger pride? Is it a conceptual thing where a character is powered by the deadly sin of pride and he's the big bad that you gotta beat? Or maybe steals the aspects of others(strength, speed, attractiveness) to improve their own physical attributes to inhuman heights? So many questions, and all the answers are inside the story.

Parallaxis just reminds me of the entity Parallax from DC comics

 

[Deleted member 93348]

I dont even know what parralaxis is supposed to mean. People think mystery adds to the attraction but thats bullshit, i'd much rather read a story titled Pridemonger since it makes me question way more. Parrallaxis....okay, what, its a place probably? Alright, cool i guess.

Pridemonger makes me more interested in the characters. Cuz obviously it HAS to be a character. The MC? a villain? some other character who may actually play a more important role somehow later? What does it mean to monger pride? Is it a conceptual thing where a character is powered by the deadly sin of pride and he's the big bad that you gotta beat? Or maybe steals the aspects of others(strength, speed, attractiveness) to improve their own physical attributes to inhuman heights? So many questions, and all the answers are inside the story.

Parallaxis just reminds me of the entity Parallax from DC comics

Honestly, it pains me to say that you’re right on the money. I feel the same way too, but I gotta attract more readers somehow. Anyway, here’s the new synopsis I cooked up awhile ago. It took me longer than expected, but please let me know what you think:

Parallaxis. The otherworld. The realm of reincarnated “heroes.” Please mind the air quotes, but for now, welcome! Welcome to the magical world that had every goddamn trope in the book—except for legal slavery and slimes, because fuck them both.

But, of course, how would it be a magical world without mages being a thing? You better believe they can cast runes and shoot energy missiles like nobody’s business. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be the military backbone of superpowers. Even uncharted nations get their own army of total ass-kickers.

Enter Hokori, a mage and certified ass-kicker. Certified jackass, too, and he wouldn’t have it other way. But in one fateful evening, after a drunken night of partying with the bros, he stumbled upon a prophecy. What can he say, this world’s chokeful of tired clichés and then some! To be fair, the prophecy is deliciously tempting:

Hokori is now destined to beat the life and soul out of a main character lookin-ass. You better believe that’s not the slang he likes coming from the gluteus maximus. Either way, he was absolutely sold!

Hokori tells his brothers, “Why the fuck are we playing beer pong in a world where firedrakes exist?” With that said, they agree to part each other for another two years. Because this is Parallaxis, goddamn it! The world of a thousand ‘heroes’ with ten thousand stories in their name.

Then again, who cares about someone else’s tale of glory and bloodshed? Hokori has his own fable to weave, so strap in, ladies and gents. Welcome to the tale of a certified ass-kicker and full-time jackass, now off to fullfill the only destiny he’ll ever like.

Welcome to Parallaxis: A Story of Violence & Family. And yes, the latter gets a lot of focus too.

I lengthened it by a huge margin after reading the synopses of famous novels a la Harry Potter and Casino Royale. If you don’t like it, I can provide another synopsis in the spirit of the “Pridemonger” title. And if you’re wondering about said title in the first place, I chose it because my MC is a bloodthirsty fight-seeker who often steals the glory of other mages. Or at least in the prequel series still in the drawing board. Now, I just plan him to teach his family how to enjoy fighting.

 

[CupcakeNinja]

Honestly, it pains me to say that you’re right on the money. I feel the same way too, but I gotta attract more readers somehow. Anyway, here’s the new synopsis I cooked up awhile ago. It took me longer than expected, but please let me know what you think:

I lengthened it by a huge margin after reading the synopses of famous novels a la Harry Potter and Casino Royale. If you don’t like it, I can provide another synopsis in the spirit of the “Pridemonger” title. And if you’re wondering about said title in the first place, I chose it because my MC is a bloodthirsty fight-seeker who often steals the glory of other mages. Or at least in the prequel series still in the drawing board. Now, I just plan him to teach his family how to enjoy fighting.

i thinnk it definitely provides more personality

Spoiler: my final edit

Parallaxis. The otherworld. The realm of reincarnated "heroes". Pardon the air quotes. Any any case, welcome to the magical world that has every goddamn trope in the book—except for legal slavery and slimes, because fuck that nonsense.

But, of course, how would it be a magical world without mages? You'd best believe they can cast runes and shoot energy missiles like nobody’s business. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be the military backbone of the world in question. Hell, even the small, uncharted nations have their own army of magical curb-stompers enough to put any Earthly militia six feet under.

Enter Hokori, a hot young mage and certified ass-kicker. Certified jackass, too, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. But on one fateful evening, after a drunken night of partying with the boys, he stumbles upon a prophecy. What can he say? This world’s chockful of tired clichés and then some! To be fair, the aforementioned prophecy is rather tempting. Apparently, Hokori is destined to beat the life and soul out of some main character-lookin' asshat. Oh yeah, now that sounds like fun.

So he tells his brothers, “Why the fuck are we playing beer pong in a world where firedrakes exist?” With that said, they agree to part ways for two years. Because this is Parallaxis, goddamn it! The world of a thousand ‘heroes’ with ten thousand stories to their name!

But who cares about someone else’s tale of bloodshed and glory? Hokori has his own fable to weave, so strap in, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the tale of a part-time ass-kicker and full-time jackass off to fulfill his destiny. 'Twill be a story of Violence & Family. Of Alchohol and Women.

Parallaxis awaits.

So i kept the majority of your new synopsis and tried to make it flow better. Changed or even outright deleted certain bits i felt were unneeded or could be phrased better. You used "lookin-ass" again which personally dont care for so i changed it. But hell its your story and if you're set on it you can keep it as you had it.

I wasnt sure about my Alchohol and Women addition since im not sure those things will actually be significant in the story, but it sounds cool so i added it. Cuz everything's better with a pint of mead in one hand and a soft ass in the other, eh? Feel free to take that out too if it doesnt fit with the esthetic. Just seems like something Kokori would do since he seems like a total frat bro from my impression. Man seems like he'll have to change his name to Chad by the time all is said in done.

Chaddicus Thundercock. Now thats a moniker lol

Jokes aside, how do you feel about the edit?

 

[Deleted member 93348]

i thinnk it definitely provides more personality

Spoiler: my final edit

Parallaxis. The otherworld. The realm of reincarnated "heroes". Pardon the air quotes. Any any case, welcome to the magical world that has every goddamn trope in the book—except for legal slavery and slimes, because fuck that nonsense.

But, of course, how would it be a magical world without mages? You'd best believe they can cast runes and shoot energy missiles like nobody’s business. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be the military backbone of the world in question. Hell, even the small, uncharted nations have their own army of magical curb-stompers enough to put any Earthly militia six feet under.

Enter Hokori, a hot young mage and certified ass-kicker. Certified jackass, too, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. But on one fateful evening, after a drunken night of partying with the boys, he stumbles upon a prophecy. What can he say? This world’s chockful of tired clichés and then some! To be fair, the aforementioned prophecy is rather tempting. Apparently, Hokori is destined to beat the life and soul out of some main character-lookin' asshat. Oh yeah, now that sounds like fun.

So he tells his brothers, “Why the fuck are we playing beer pong in a world where firedrakes exist?” With that said, they agree to part ways for two years. Because this is Parallaxis, goddamn it! The world of a thousand ‘heroes’ with ten thousand stories to their name!

But who cares about someone else’s tale of bloodshed and glory? Hokori has his own fable to weave, so strap in, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the tale of a part-time ass-kicker and full-time jackass off to fulfill his destiny. 'Twill be a story of Violence & Family. Of Alchohol and Women.

Parallaxis awaits.

So i kept the majority of your new synopsis and tried to make it flow better. Changed or even outright deleted certain bits i felt were unneeded or could be phrased better. You used "lookin-ass" again which personally dont care for so i changed it. But hell its your story and if you're set on it you can keep it as you had it.

I wasnt sure about my Alchohol and Women addition since im not sure those things will actually be significant in the story, but it sounds cool so i added it. Cuz everything's better with a pint of mead in one hand and a soft ass in the other, eh? Feel free to take that out too if it doesnt fit with the esthetic. Just seems like something Kokori would do since he seems like a total frat bro from my impression. Man seems like he'll have to change his name to Chad by the time all is said in done.

Chaddicus Thundercock. Now thats a moniker lol

Jokes aside, how do you feel about the edit?

I'm deeply sorry for the late reply, fam. Gotta say, I love it! I will say the women and alcohol part doesn’t fit with the story I’m writing. My MC did party with his brothers, but he’s no womanizer at any point in the story. He does sleep with multiple partners, but they’re more dedicated rather than just random women (and guys) he talked to in the street.

Honestly, I should’ve told you this from the beginning. Thanks so much, though. Appreciate it.

EDIT: I thought of an alternative to the “Alcohol and Women” part. Comedy and Tragedy. It’s simple, maybe clichéd, but I’m writing an epic high fantasy with soft sci-fi elements. I’d say it’s more than fitting.

 

[CupcakeNinja]

I'm deeply sorry for the late reply, fam. Gotta say, I love it! I will say the women and alcohol part doesn’t fit with the story I’m writing. My MC did party with his brothers, but he’s no womanizer at any point in the story. He does sleep with multiple partners, but they’re more dedicated rather than just random women (and guys) he talked to in the street.

Honestly, I should’ve told you this from the beginning. Thanks so much, though. Appreciate it.

EDIT: I thought of an alternative to the “Alcohol and Women” part. Comedy and Tragedy. It’s simple, maybe clichéd, but I’m writing an epic high fantasy with soft sci-fi elements. I’d say it’s more than fitting.

well if he has multiple dedicated partners, it WOULD fit? no one said he had to be a womanizer, though i admit it would make people think he is....tho if he has multiple dedicated women then maybe he COULD be called a womanizer just from other people's perspective...."Lock your doors, hide your daughters, Kokori is in town!" could be a thing lol even if he isn't actually a manwhore. Might be able to have fun with rumours about him.

Anyway, yeah, comedy and tragedy do work well too and as i said its your story. Feedback is nice but you cant let that corrupt your vision. I learned that the hard way, thats why i had to do a whole ass rewrite of a story's ending that extended it almost thirty chapters. Which resulted in a DELAY of another story's volume completion. In all, wasn;t worth it. Listening to the readers. Cuz im just gonna do the same exact thing i was gonna do but at a later time in the story

You, you dont have to suffer the way i have. Be your own man, bro.

In any case, happy to help. Somehow im always finding myself doing this for people....even though im a lazy cunt most days.

 

[melchi]

Personally, I don't like the phrase "Every trope in the book" it is like misusing et cetera. It would be better to list out the relevant tropes. Like @CupcakeNinja I don't really like the ambiguity it presents.

Is it a trope like super heroes and super villains? Is it a trope like han solo fighting to get on his space ship wearing only a shirt while you can see open space in the background? Is it a trope where there is a hero so covered in plot armor that they should have been defeated 20 times already? I think it would be better to just list the tropes that actually are used.

 

[CarburetorThompson]

Well, I’m not aiming for the kind of anime that sells nowadays (generic isekai where the generic MC forms an underage slave harem and becomes a god). Although my novel is an isekai, it’s a very meta one. It treats every character as an actual human (or a species of similar intelligence and flaws) while still having humor comparable to old-school stuff. Ironic, given my prose is supposed to cater to my generation.

Maybe I should emphasize that my MC is destined to fight a Kirito expy? It’s why I called the latter a “main character lookin-ass.”

It doesn’t have anything to do with what the anime is about. I just mean look at how the writers communicate the basic plot about the beginning of the story, and copy the writing style. I think the synopsis’ on that site are some of the best better than IMDb. I’m not telling you to change what the story is about.

 

[Deleted member 93348]

Personally, I don't like the phrase "Every trope in the book" it is like misusing et cetera. It would be better to list out the relevant tropes. Like @CupcakeNinja I don't really like the ambiguity it presents.

Is it a trope like super heroes and super villains? Is it a trope like han solo fighting to get on his space ship wearing only a shirt while you can see open space in the background? Is it a trope where there is a hero so covered in plot armor that they should have been defeated 20 times already? I think it would be better to just list the tropes that actually are used.

That’s actually what I did, lmao. I finally settled on a synopsis that is not long like in a traditional novel yet not short that you barely get any information. Please let me know what you think:

“Why am I playing beer pong in a world where firedrakes exist?”

That was what Hokori thought after reading a prophecy that foretold he’d beat the shit out of a main character lookin-ass. Partying all night with the boys was one thing, but this is where the real fun begins. And with that, he and his brothers agree to part ways for two years. Because this is Parallaxis, goddamnit! The world of a thousand “heroes” with ten thousand stories to their name. The world that has every fantasy trope in the book—except for legal slavery and slimes, because fuck that nonsense.

But who cares about someone else’s tale of bloodshed and glory? Hokori has his own fable to weave, so strap in, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the tale of the Peerless Champion, certified curb-stomper and jackass, off to fulfill his destiny. ’Twill be a story of violence and family. Of comedy and tragedy.

There will be tears.

 

[lambenttyto]

I’ve shortened it to its most bare-bones summary, but my sister and I felt that it could still be better. Here’s the jist of it:

I wrote it this way after I decided to name my upcoming novel “Parallaxis” instead of “Pridemonger.” It still fits the tone of my prose: slightly witty, sarcastic, and heavy on gen Z slang. Still, I feel like it can be better that is now. Please let me know your thoughts and suggestions.

That's a blurb, not a synopsis. A synopsis is a summary of the entire story and doesn't leave out spoilers. They're designed to give a publisher or agent an accurate thumbnail of your story, not to draw them in the way a blurb does.

 

[Deleted member 93348]

That's a blurb, not a synopsis. A synopsis is a summary of the entire story and doesn't leave out spoilers. They're designed to give a publisher or agent an accurate thumbnail of your story, not to draw them in the way a blurb does.

I made a new one, if you haven’t realized. It’s right on top of your comment, and while it is longer, I still kept it short enough for RR standards.