Would love some feedback on my story

[Krawallsternchen]

Hi there!
I only started writing in English for the first time in ... ever. So I'd love some feedback from you more natives :)
I do not use any AI and started writing in English as a creative outlet (challenging myself to not write in my native langue)
I do not expect you to read all 3,5 chapters, but some flow and/or grammar advice would be super appreciated.

For some pointers
- sci-fi
- fantasy/adventure
- female lead
- apocalypse

Beneath a Broken Dawn

The sky fractures at dawn. Rivers run backward. Reality is coming undone. Alara wakes in a world of ancient magitech and broken kingdoms with no memory of who she is—only the unsettling truth that crystal spires and rune-driven machines respond to her touch. As anomalies spread and the world...

www.scribblehub.com

Would love the feedback
krawallsternchen

 

[Bayleyrockstar]

Hi there!
I only started writing in English for the first time in ... ever. So I'd love some feedback from you more natives :)
I do not use any AI and started writing in English as a creative outlet (challenging myself to not write in my native langue)
I do not expect you to read all 3,5 chapters, but some flow and/or grammar advice would be super appreciated.

For some pointers
- sci-fi
- fantasy/adventure
- female lead
- apocalypse

Beneath a Broken Dawn

The sky fractures at dawn. Rivers run backward. Reality is coming undone. Alara wakes in a world of ancient magitech and broken kingdoms with no memory of who she is—only the unsettling truth that crystal spires and rune-driven machines respond to her touch. As anomalies spread and the world...

www.scribblehub.com

Would love the feedback
krawallsternchen

I'm currently at work. But I'll read and give feedback to the chapters later. Right now, I'll give some insight into the synopsis. Which is already great, but we can make it better.

It's clear it's not machine, so that's great. Between the first three sentences and Alara, I'd suggest starting a new paragraph at her name. This gives more gravitas, more emphasis, on your first words.

I can give more, but that's really the only major improvement. The rest would be more stylistic choices that may drown out your voice if I suggest them.