Would like some advice on my first few chapters.

[Gryphon]

Basically my first few chapters are a bait and switch. I want it to seem like a pure comedy harem series and then reveal slowly over time about the darkness in the story. I have 30 chapters out now and I've already delved deep into the darkness of my story, but I want some opinions on the start. Do my first few chapters succeed in making it seem like a normal run of the mill harem comedy story? If not, does anyone have any suggestions to make it seem much more like that. This is my first time writing comedy and I would like some advice.

Here's a link to the story. It's also in my signature: My Succubus Roommate

 

[SakeVision]

>Ty Peon

haha, nice name

 

[Gryphon]

>Ty Peon

haha, nice name

Thanks. I am a master when it comes to creating weird names.

 

[2021]

Don’t add rape-ape-ape-ape

 

[Gryphon]

Don’t add rape-ape-ape-ape

Kind of too late for that one, but context is necessary for the situation. Like, I'm dead serious when I say context is necessary for that moment cause trust me when I say that the world I'm creating and the succubi that inhabit it are kind of fucked. And not in the good way. I mean losing control of all levels of sanity kind of fucked.

 

[2021]

Kind of too late for that one, but context is necessary for the situation. Like, I'm dead serious when I say context is necessary for that moment cause trust me when I say that the world I'm creating and the succubi that inhabit it are kind of fucked. And not in the good way. I mean losing control of all levels of sanity kind of fucked.

Your fucked-ed-ed-ed-ed