The firstest chapter of my novel

[LiangQingge122]

This is my first chapter in my first novel, maybe even the first work of fiction by me. I hope you guys can take a look at my work.

The World Is A Harmony

To reach the other world, he had to die. Not permanently, just long enough to pass through. Each method only worked once. Each return left him transformed. He was Held, a warrior. But he was also Haruto, a student. Somewhere between suicide and survival, Haruto was learning that the difference...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Rolanov]

This is my first chapter in my first novel, maybe even the first work of fiction by me. I hope you guys can take a look at my work.

The World Is A Harmony

To reach the other world, he had to die. Not permanently, just long enough to pass through. Each method only worked once. Each return left him transformed. He was Held, a warrior. But he was also Haruto, a student. Somewhere between suicide and survival, Haruto was learning that the difference...

www.scribblehub.com

What's the story about? I read some paragraph.. but i got lost in the middle.
Is it about psychological detachment?

 

[LiangQingge122]

What's the story about? I read some paragraph.. but i got lost in the middle.
Is it about psychological detachment?

About Haruto's journey, finding forgiveness and purpose, or letting go of these things and just moving on with life.
That is the major theme, but there will be more (I hope). I'm thinking about separate POVs, Held and Haruto, like Kafka on the Shore. While Haruto finds his Instinctive side, Held finds his Rational Side.
I hope you understand what I'm trying to convey cause English not my first language.

 

[Rolanov]

About Haruto's journey, finding forgiveness and purpose, or letting go of these things and just moving on with life.
That is the major theme, but there will be more (I hope). I'm thinking about separate POVs, Held and Haruto, like Kafka on the Shore. While Haruto finds his Instinctive side, Held finds his Rational Side.

I think one of the issue here, you need to separate between the narrative and internal thought. You can use Italic for internal thought, so reader can understand the narrative better.

I hope you understand what I'm trying to convey cause English not my first language.

Yes! it's okay! I think your english is good!