The first murder of my mystery novel has finally occured!

[VanVeleca]

Neapolitan Nightmares is a horror mystery about friendship. Specifically the friendships of three girls: Sieglinde Neapolitan, Lucia Archer and Ichigo Hanagaki. Together they try to solve incidents and finds clues in order to find someone, the true killer of all these incidents, the one who had gotten away for too long...The Wolf.

Sieglinde wants answers, Lucia wants revenge and Ichigo just wants to hang out with Lin and Luc!...This is overall what'll occur for the rest of the story.

It's a pretty slow story, heck it hasn't even been explained yet what The Wolf is...but that's kinda on purpose? Since it's a mystery I'd like readers who are following along before the tale is finished to theorize about what this thing means and what THAT moment could mean. Who will die next? Who is the killer?! Things like that.

The 15th chapter has recently debuted and as such NeaNight will be going in a short hiatus, as I'm taking on a october art challenge.

I hope some of you will check it out! I'd like some thoughts on these first chapters to know what I should especially focus on november (in terms of what you want to know more about or which character you'd like to explore more.) General thoughts about the writing quality I'd like to hear too, of course.

Link to the story is in my signature!

 

[ThisAdamGuy]

No offense, but the fact that it took 16 chapters for the first murder to happen in a murder mystery doesn't give me good feelings for the story's pacing.

 

[Macha]

No offense, but the fact that it took 16 chapters for the first murder to happen in a murder mystery doesn't give me good feelings for the story's pacing.

Yeah, that's why I prefer the Case Closed model. Shinichi-kun goes somewhere, murder happened, Shinichi-kun solve it, rinse and repeat.

 

[Max02]

16 chapters for the first murder, 160 for the last?? ?

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Yeah, that's why I prefer the Case Closed model. Shinichi-kun goes somewhere, murder happened, Shinichi-kun solve it, rinse and repeat.

I prefer the Jessica Fletcher model - Jessica goes somewhere or has a friend come to her. She then kills someone, finds a patsy, discovers mostly circumstantial evidence to put the patsy away, and moves on.

 

[VanVeleca]

16 chapters for the first murder, 160 for the last?? ?

probably yeah, there will be a lot of dilly dallying

 

[ThisAdamGuy]

probably yeah, there will be a lot of dilly dallying

That's not a good thing. Being a slow burn is fine (although it's possible to be too slow of a burn) but openly admitting that the majority of the plot is "dilly dallying" means that you're intentionally wasting your readers' time by stretching the story out with chapters that don't advance the plot in any meaningful way.

 

[VanVeleca]

That's not a good thing. Being a slow burn is fine (although it's possible to be too slow of a burn) but openly admitting that the majority of the plot is "dilly dallying" means that you're intentionally wasting your readers' time by stretching the story out with chapters that don't advance the plot in any meaningful way.

Sorry, but I think we have vastly different preferences in media ?
I greatly enjoy "too slow" burns!

 

[ThisAdamGuy]

Sorry, but I think we have vastly different preferences in media ?
I greatly enjoy "too slow" burns!

That's fine. Write whatever you want. Just don't expect most of your readers to be like "Fifty chapters in a row where nothing important happens? Christmas must have come early!"

 

[Deleted member 266]

15th chapter

Just me, but i dont believe there is any major problem with having the first murder in the 16th chapter.

Because mystery is mainly about set up and tone setting.

It really depends on what you used the 15 chapter for. It would be shallow and myopic, to assume if the murder happens later it equals to nothing happens before the murder.

 

[VanVeleca]

Just me, but i dont believe there is any major problem with having the first murder in the 16th chapter.

Because mystery is mainly about set up and tone setting.

It really depends on what you used the 15 chapter for. It would be shallow and myopic, to assume if the murder happens later it equals to nothing happens before.l the murder.

It introduces the three main girls who we'll be following (Sieglinde the most since she's the focus of the first case), I also tried to show as much as I can of the strange small town they live in without being overly exposition-y about it.

There's a ton of side characters, their classmates, that will play big roles in future cases so I gave small bits of moments for them to shine too before they get the proper spotlight. Any of these kids could possibly die...so I want readers to get invested in this kooky bunch. I want them to be sad when their favorite is a rotten pile of meat!

 

[Max02]

probably yeah, there will be a lot of dilly dallying

Not for me then. Unless you're such a great writer that even the "dilly dallying" is worth it.

 

[VanVeleca]

Not for me then. Unless you're such a great writer that even the "dilly dallying" is worth it.

I could be! It's up to you to find that out by reading and perhaps even bookmarking ?

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Not for me then. Unless you're such a great writer that even the "dilly dallying" is worth it.

I have to admit I'm not sure it would work in a webnovel but I have seen "cozy mysteries" that went about fifteen or twenty chapters before the real story began (though one of them featured a vampire detective, which was ... unusual).

 

[Deleted member 266]

cozy mysteries"

If fluffy wholesome slice of life can survive... 50 chap of nothing yet people love it, and feel good afterwards...

In fact, I dont think I can imagine anything not surviving.

It might be a hot take, but i like to think if an author gets to caught if with what readers want, the author will just end up writing the most generic pile of lukewarm fiction.

I am not saying having the murder at chap 16 is good or bad, i just dont think it a good indicator, and "reader expectation" is not a good reason for not having it.

On the other hand, saying you personally read it and dont like having it at chap 16 and find it late, that is perfectly fine to say.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Check out Sharon McCrumb's "Bimbos of the Death Sun" - pretty sure the murder happens around chapter eleven or so (she was having too much fun lampooning fan con culture to get to that part of the story; the sequel, "Zombies of the Gene Pool," got to the point faster, but also relied on a trick I, personally hate as a reader to solve the mystery so I found it less satisfying).