[Story Feedback] New Dark Romance / Supernatural Horror – Would Love Some Honest Thoughts

[DarkL0rd]

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Hey, I’m kinda nervous posting this, but I’ve been working on a dark romance + supernatural horror story, and I wanted to see if anyone could give me some feedback. I’m still figuring out the pacing and tone, so any thoughts at all honestly mean a lot.


The story follows Haru, a kid who grew up thinking he was worthless. Years of bullying and family problems basically twisted the way he sees himself. He’s the type who pretends he’s fine, but he’s carrying way more than anyone realizes.


Then there’s Mina. She’s… strange. Sweet one second, terrifying the next. There’s something not right about her, something not human. She loves Haru in this obsessive, suffocating way that feels less like affection and more like she’s trying to take over his whole life. Even he can’t really understand her.


And then there’s Rika Kurozawa, the one bit of warmth Haru has. She treats him like he’s actually worth something, which pretty much puts her directly in Mina’s sights. Mina does not share, and she definitely doesn’t let anyone get between her and Haru.


As the story goes on, the supernatural stuff starts creeping in witchcraft, dark magic, childhood promises Haru forgot about, demons, sacrifices everything Mina kept hidden starts slipping out. It basically turns into a dangerous love triangle where one girl wants to heal him, and the other girl wants to own him body and soul.


If you’re into:

• yandere vibes
• obsessive love
• psychological horror
• dark magic
• trauma-driven characters
• supernatural mystery
• slow descent into madness

…this might be something you’d enjoy.


I’d really appreciate feedback on:

• early chapter pacing
• character vibes
• if the dark tone feels right
• anything confusing or too much

Here’s the link if you wanna check it out:

Just Mine, Even In Death

Haru Morisaki always believed he was worthless—background noise in his own life, a boy made to be ignored. Until the day he saved a girl who was ready to disappear. He thought pulling Mina off that ledge was just the right thing to do. A moment of panic, a...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[vexedhexed]

I will check it out!

 

[DarkL0rd]

I will check it out!

Thanks! Go easy on me ?

 

[vexedhexed]

Thanks! Go easy on me ?

I love edgy dark stories and you have done a really good job of feeding that itch. People in my social groups call a lot of these stories cringe or use edgy in this deeply negative way but I remember when we all talked about Jeff the killer and started reading JTHM and loved it. Also your writing evolved a lot from the first chapter to the later and I like seeing your narrative growth.

 

[DarkL0rd]

I love edgy dark stories and you have done a really good job of feeding that itch. People in my social groups call a lot of these stories cringe or use edgy in this deeply negative way but I remember when we all talked about Jeff the killer and started reading JTHM and loved it. Also your writing evolved a lot from the first chapter to the later and I like seeing your narrative growth.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that. I actually went back and reread my last chapters and you’re right some parts definitely felt rushed or incomplete. So I wanted to ask… do you think I should rewrite the first few chapters?