So can y'all give me some feedback on this novel of mine, as i am still a fairly new writer

[A_the_king_of_all]

So basically i asked my friend and their thoughts are too different like the difference between the heavens and earth. Like idk who to ask honestly so i am here asking y'all. (It's only one chapter so not much tbh). Also point out any errors and some good stuff you like about this.

Foundation Of Talents

From the movement concious begins got the knowledge of power. They always wanted more as more power means more control over other beings, but sometimes Power so great that it starts to kill the user themselves as for the great the vessel also needs to be great. Thus, we follow...

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[BlueCrystalFanfic]

You shouldn’t put everything in italics—only things like character thoughts. Some sentences are unclear; I could barely follow what was happening. I think a few parts have missing words like "the". Also, some sentences are a bit too long, making them harder to read and understand. Go through the text again and split them where needed.

The first chapter should give a stronger introduction and a clearer understanding of the situation. I don’t think this version quite captured that. You can check my fanfic to get a better idea of what I mean.

Avoid repeating the same words in nearby paragraphs. For example, you used “thick” twice in the first paragraph, and “settled” twice in the last paragraph. Also, stick to past tense more often—present tense feels out of place here.

Try to use the word “as” less frequently. Finally, the last part with the character profile should be integrated into the plot, rather than presented as an info dump at the first chapter.

 

[A_the_king_of_all]

You shouldn’t put everything in italics—only things like character thoughts. Some sentences are unclear; I could barely follow what was happening. I think a few parts have missing words like "the". Also, some sentences are a bit too long, making them harder to read and understand. Go through the text again and split them where needed.

The first chapter should give a stronger introduction and a clearer understanding of the situation. I don’t think this version quite captured that. You can check my fanfic to get a better idea of what I mean.

Avoid repeating the same words in nearby paragraphs. For example, you used “thick” twice in the first paragraph, and “settled” twice in the last paragraph. Also, stick to past tense more often—present tense feels out of place here.

Try to use the word “as” less frequently. Finally, the last part with the character profile should be integrated into the plot, rather than presented as an info dump at the first chapter.

Ok thanks i appreciate the feedback