reading and feedbacks appreciated
- Thread starter Blackout
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FacelessGuy
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- Apr 18, 2020
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Only skimmed a couple chapters, so probably not that useful yet. Will try to read them fully later, since there are only a few chapters.
From a quick look at Tommi's Adventure, the grammar or narration seems off in some way.
The general actions or details/descriptions in some places stick out, having extra/unneeded information or weird wording, but it might be because I was jumping through the chapters. I will try to narrow it down or pull some examples when I go through again.
I didn't notice the extra details as much skimming Underground Hero Tales and I like the idea of vigilante heroes but what I read of the dialogue, mainly from the police POV, was unconvincing. They are used to share extra info but it doesn't really fit my idea of their basic roles or situation.
The listed time and locations with POV changes could be interesting if things get complicated later or if it factors into some other part of the story.
From a quick look at Tommi's Adventure, the grammar or narration seems off in some way.
The general actions or details/descriptions in some places stick out, having extra/unneeded information or weird wording, but it might be because I was jumping through the chapters. I will try to narrow it down or pull some examples when I go through again.
I didn't notice the extra details as much skimming Underground Hero Tales and I like the idea of vigilante heroes but what I read of the dialogue, mainly from the police POV, was unconvincing. They are used to share extra info but it doesn't really fit my idea of their basic roles or situation.
The listed time and locations with POV changes could be interesting if things get complicated later or if it factors into some other part of the story.