Please rate my poulogue. I don't know if this is good or not. I need others opinions.

mellojuice

Active member
Joined
Dec 27, 2021
Messages
5
Points
43
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We lost.

[SCANNING GUEST]

[&*%$#*(&*&#*&#*#@!!@* ]

[ERROR GUEST NOT RECOGNIZED ]

[ERROR PREMESSION NOT GRANTED]

[MANA EXPLOSION EMINENT]

[PLEASE LEAVE]

but we refuse to accept that..I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT!

[ERRO- UNIDENTIFIED MANA CORE DECTECTED]

[MANA CORE RESONANCE DECTECTED]

[INITIATE MANA CORE RESONANCE ]
[YES] [NO]

yes.
[WARNING: GUESTS MANA WAVELENGTH IS RESONATING WITH UNIDENTIFIED HOST ]
[PROCEED (YES) (NO)]
...yes.
[INITIATING ..]
syncronization with host (1.2%)
................................................................................................................................................
In the void, a portal of lighting appeared. 'They' entered earth.
................................................................................................................................................

The Bahamas,
27th March 2020.

It was a sunny day, light breeze and the background sound of the waves. Bahamas was as lively as usual full of energetic tourists on holidays , many of whom were at the beach soaking the sun.

"Man I really needed this vacation. Aah~~"

" I know right. After that shitstorm of work...*sigh* this really helps unwind "

" For real.... by the way Alard what's the next contract on. "

" I think it was some maxican drug lord or some shit."

"NOT AGAIN!! we just went through one can't they just make peace!! "

"..... if they did we would be unemployed ! "

"....true....anyways this great Ange Deniau is getting a drink as much as sunbathing on beach is fun it dehydrating ...want one ?"

"get me a...... wha- WHAT'S THAT"

"What ?"

Ange quickly turned away from the paralysed Alard and look behind him at the coast. A mile down the coast ball of lightning was forming on the surface of the ocean and growing in size.

" WHAT THE FUCK-"

With this ...the world froze.

................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
*sizzel*
the growing ball of lightning above the water finally dispersed. All that remained in its place was a tall distorted humanoid figure a bright crystal in its chest, floating above the surface of the water and hovering above it's shoulders was a glowing ball of light dancing around.

{A primitive world.....but full of life. A nice world isn't it 'Grey'} -eve

"..that it is"

{you sure about starting the resonace it will cause much damage ya'know}-eve

"...."

{ Nevermind, so whats the plan. Wanna do check on this 'host' }-eve

" No need ."

{ Aara~ no fun. Whatever, where's the burmuda triangle you guys decide on? }-eve

" follow."

{KyKyy~~}

The distorted figure flew away from the bahamas coast in the opposite direction followed by the ball of light.
..................................................................................................................................
 

Letmeintincan

New member
Joined
Mar 15, 2021
Messages
5
Points
3
I got three points for you.

(1) Rich coming from me, but run that thing through spell check.

(2) You need more. If it's your first story, I advise just writing more and posting it. The people dropping by to read will be sure to help you out.

(3) I don't have a third point, but who says they have two points?
 

mellojuice

Active member
Joined
Dec 27, 2021
Messages
5
Points
43
I got three points for you.

(1) Rich coming from me, but run that thing through spell check.

(2) You need more. If it's your first story, I advise just writing more and posting it. The people dropping by to read will be sure to help you out.

(3) I don't have a third point, but who says they have two points?
ty for the reply i will drop more chapters after i polish the world a bit and yes i do indeed need spell check XD
 
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