Newbie here, looking for some general feedback! ?

[Deleted member 64531]

Hello, everyone!

I'm an editor by trade, but my passion has always been writing my own stories, and since I'm an absolute newbie here on SH, I thought I'd introduce one of my favorite WIPs that I've been working on, "Death Doesn't Stand a Chance". I'd love some general feedback or initial thoughts from readers, as I'm still trying to figure out how the site and its algorithms work. And I'd be more than happy to read some of your works, too!

DDSAC is an urban fantasy that follows the oftentimes ridiculous escapades and misfortunes of Mina Iskandar, a necromancer with more than a few skeletons in her closet, as she attempts to solve the riddle that's been haunting her for almost a century.

When a chance encounter goes awry, she thinks she's finally found the answer... But darker powers are at play and not everything is as it seems. Soon, she finds herself caught between her past and her heart.

Faced with questions she'd rather pretend she didn't hear, Mina must answer them regardless. Just how much is she willing to sacrifice to get what she wants? And whom? And the most important question of all, will it all be worth it?

? Death Doesn't Stand a Chance ?

I can't wait to check out some of your stories! Feel free to link them in response! ?

 

[Cipiteca396]

Sounds interesting enough. There's several Necromancer stories on SH, so you should have room for readers.

By Urban Fantasy, do you mean Modern or just Medieval with Cities?

Also, name your chapters, unless you only plan to have 20 or 30 of them total. Well, even then, having names would be nice...?

 

[Lloyd]

Your synopsis makes your MC sound like a bitch. You might be on the wrong website for this kind of story.

 

[greyblob]

Your synopsis makes your MC sound like a bitch. You might be on the wrong website for this kind of story.

The 'unfuckwithable' was a bit cringe but otherwise looks fine to me.

 

[Lloyd]

The 'unfuckwithable' was a bit cringe but otherwise looks fine to me.

Its fine, just not what SH usually likes.

 

[Snusmumriken]

The 'unfuckwithable' was a bit cringe but otherwise looks fine to me.

It is fine but might be better left for a later chapter. Playing with language is a skill too but to play with it properly you might want to wait until readers know that you know enough to recognise it as intentional rather than accidental.

I`ve glanced at the 1st chapter. Overall very nice and dense for a good novel start. You might not get an immediate response in readership but if your quality remains at this level i guarantee that you will slowly gather readers, who are most likely to attract more with good reviews.

Because honestly the style of your story kinda works against you here on SH. It promises a complex plot and story to an audience usually looking for an easy read. Not that all SH readers are like that, but most would be wary to plunge into something heavy like that until it gained a decent amount of words and most importantly favourites and reviews, which would tell them that this story might actually be worth investing yourself into.

Marketing aside I have no serious things to offer for the first chapter. My only two points of confusion were the article use in "the time and the desire" and Lady Elizabeth location and position throughout the 1st chapter. You describe her actions to change her position but you never quite tell exactly what these actions result with. Thus making me struggle trying to reposition her every time there is a new action happening. And I realise that I imagined her somewhere else.

The same could be said about the casket and its location. Somehow I couldn't easily place either of them. Once again it is mentioned, and actions are happening around and with it but the location was ambiguous.

 

[Deleted member 64531]

Sounds interesting enough. There's several Necromancer stories on SH, so you should have room for readers.

By Urban Fantasy, do you mean Modern or just Medieval with Cities?

Also, name your chapters, unless you only plan to have 20 or 30 of them total. Well, even then, having names would be nice...?

Urban as in modern :) There are more than 30 chapters, hence why I numbered them.

It is fine but might be better left for a later chapter. Playing with language is a skill too but to play with it properly you might want to wait until readers know that you know enough to recognise it as intentional rather than accidental.

I`ve glanced at the 1st chapter. Overall very nice and dense for a good novel start. You might not get an immediate response in readership but if your quality remains at this level i guarantee that you will slowly gather readers, who are most likely to attract more with good reviews.

Because honestly the style of your story kinda works against you here on SH. It promises a complex plot and story to an audience usually looking for an easy read. Not that all SH readers are like that, but most would be wary to plunge into something heavy like that until it gained a decent amount of words and most importantly favourites and reviews, which would tell them that this story might actually be worth investing yourself into.

Marketing aside I have no serious things to offer for the first chapter. My only two points of confusion were the article use in "the time and the desire" and Lady Elizabeth location and position throughout the 1st chapter. You describe her actions to change her position but you never quite tell exactly what these actions result with. Thus making me struggle trying to reposition her every time there is a new action happening. And I realise that I imagined her somewhere else.

The same could be said about the casket and its location. Somehow I couldn't easily place either of them. Once again it is mentioned, and actions are happening around and with it but the location was ambiguous.

Thank you for your feedback. It's given me a lot to think about in terms of keeping my story on this platform. Also, the casket/body are in the grave. :)

Your synopsis makes your MC sound like a bitch. You might be on the wrong website for this kind of story.

Wow, thanks. I think you might be right. :)

 

[Snusmumriken]

well, my question was more a rhetorical one. It is a description of my feelings as I've read the first chapter. It just felt it wasn't enough and that was interrupting the flow of my reading - instead of continuously reading I was stopping myself trying to fix my setting perception.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Hello, everyone!

I'm an editor by trade, but my passion has always been writing my own stories, and since I'm an absolute newbie here on SH, I thought I'd introduce one of my favorite WIPs that I've been working on, "Death Doesn't Stand a Chance". I'd love some general feedback or initial thoughts from readers, as I'm still trying to figure out how the site and its algorithms work. And I'd be more than happy to read some of your works, too!

DDSAC is an urban fantasy that follows the oftentimes ridiculous escapades and misfortunes of Mina Iskandar, a necromancer with more than a few skeletons in her closet, as she attempts to solve the riddle that's been haunting her for almost a century.

When a chance encounter goes awry, she thinks she's finally found the answer... But darker powers are at play and not everything is as it seems. Soon, she finds herself caught between her past and her heart.

Faced with questions she'd rather pretend she didn't hear, Mina must answer them regardless. Just how much is she willing to sacrifice to get what she wants? And whom? And the most important question of all, will it all be worth it?

? Death Doesn't Stand a Chance ?

I can't wait to check out some of your stories! Feel free to link them in response! ?

View attachment 9330

Your synopsis sounds interesting. Either reminds me of ya stories I used to read or Wattpad stories Wattpad may be more suited for stories like this, thu idk how it's been now.

 

[Cipiteca396]

There are more than 30 chapters, hence why I numbered them.

Ah, I meant that numbering and naming is important. Just a number is practically meaningless, imo.