Need feedback on the book I started writing recently

[PrimarineRose]

I recently started writing and am quite unsure about my writing style
The Time Manipulator | Scribble Hub
There was a comment saying that the story, for now, is good. That doesn't give me the specifics of what exactly was good and what I need to work on. As of now, there are three chapters. I request an experienced reader/writer to give the story a read and let me know about their thoughts on the plot and the writing style.

 

[EternalSunset0]

I finished the prologue and here are some thoughts. I don't think I'm a good enough writer to be giving super good critique or what, but here goes.

I think you could use more line breaks. It makes for easier reading.

You also tend to overdescribe. I think descriptions are fine as a reader, but I think it's better if you slowly feed them in as the narrative goes on instead of throwing every description out there while the action takes a pause. Spending an entire paragraph telling your readers what hair color or what attire a character wears, and so on can halt the action abruptly. Maybe try describing his hair then have him do an action. While that's happening, you can try incorporating his body build or attire along with the action being done.

There are mechanics issues like capitalization and punctuation, but those are the easiest to edit so I leave it to you.

For now, I feel that the plot is moving too fast. I'll take a read at the next chapters but I think too much happened for this to be a prologue. Maybe because therr are scenes that I felt could have played out but you just brushed aside and glossed over with a sentence or two.

That's basically it. For now, keep writing. Looking forward to seeing more of your work :)

 

[PrimarineRose]

I finished the prologue and here are some thoughts. I don't think I'm a good enough writer to be giving critique or what, but here goes.

I think you could use more line breaks. It makes for easier reading.

You also tend to overdescribe. I think descriptions are fine as a reader, but I think it's better if you slowly feed them in as the narrative goes on instead of throwing every description out there while the action takes a pause. Spending an entire paragraph telling your readers what hair color or what attire a character wears, and so on can halt the action abruptly. Maybe try describing his hair then have him do an action. While that's happening, you can try incorporating his body build or attire along with the action being done.

There are mechanics issues like capitalization and punctuation, but those are the easiest to edit so I leave it to you.

For now, I feel that the plot is moving too fast. I'll take a read at the next chapters but I think too much happened for this to be a prologue. Maybe because therr are scenes that I felt could have played out but you just brushed aside and glossed over with a sentence or two.

That's basically it. For now, keep writing. Looking forward to seeing more of your work :)

Thanks a lot for replying


I think you are right that I do over-describe. The suggestion for feeding them about the appearance as the narrative goes and incorporating the features in the actions of the character is great! I totally overlooked the fact that I could have done that.

About the capitalization issues, I think I might have to sit down and edit it all back.

Your feedback is valuable, thank you for taking your time and writing one!

 

[EternalSunset0]

Thanks a lot for replying


I think you are right that I do over-describe. The suggestion for feeding them about the appearance as the narrative goes and incorporating the features in the actions of the character is great! I totally overlooked the fact that I could have done that.

About the capitalization issues, I think I might have to sit down and edit it all back.

Your feedback is valuable, thank you for taking your time and writing one!

No problem. Always a pleasure to be able to help and encourage others out, especially someone new and starting out :D