Need an honest opinion about letest chapter of my dark fantasy supernatural ? novel weather it's harsh or brutal

[Shanikumar]

Thanks for being here please do read the latest chapter



Chapter no.8 :- https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1731575-darker-obsession/chapter/1875884/



Thanks again and plese read the novel from begining for batter understanding thanks a lot

 

[VanVeleca]

Wrote a short review :/

 

[LevJrtheWriter]

Thanks for being here please do read the latest chapter



Chapter no.8 :- https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1731575-darker-obsession/chapter/1875884/



Thanks again and plese read the novel from begining for batter understanding thanks a lot

I’m a history teacher and I help edit and polish books on the side. I also have a book of my own, so I love coming on here to help since I know how much I like getting the same kind of feedback. Here’s my best take on your chapter.

I really like how you opened with the elevator scene. It sets a mood right away and makes me want to know why Kael didn’t turn around. The tension between Maya and her dad comes through strong, and the small detail of him tapping the chair arm was a great touch. It shows his calm starting to crack without you needing to spell it out.

Some parts could flow a little smoother. A few of Maya’s lines run long, and breaking them into shorter bursts could make her emotions feel sharper and more natural. Same with Kael’s section at the end. It leans heavy on description, but trimming it back a bit might make the loneliness hit even harder.

Overall, though, the atmosphere is strong and you’ve got the drama and tension working well.

here is mine if you get a chance.

CLICK HERE

 

[Shanikumar]

I’m a history teacher and I help edit and polish books on the side. I also have a book of my own, so I love coming on here to help since I know how much I like getting the same kind of feedback. Here’s my best take on your chapter.

I really like how you opened with the elevator scene. It sets a mood right away and makes me want to know why Kael didn’t turn around. The tension between Maya and her dad comes through strong, and the small detail of him tapping the chair arm was a great touch. It shows his calm starting to crack without you needing to spell it out.

Some parts could flow a little smoother. A few of Maya’s lines run long, and breaking them into shorter bursts could make her emotions feel sharper and more natural. Same with Kael’s section at the end. It leans heavy on description, but trimming it back a bit might make the loneliness hit even harder.

Overall, though, the atmosphere is strong and you’ve got the drama and tension working well.

here is mine if you get a chance.

CLICK HERE
View attachment 41406

Thanks much appreciated, although if you want a really true excpirince of this story you should Read from begining and thanks again, I'll definately check out your novel and give you feedback soon

I’m a history teacher and I help edit and polish books on the side. I also have a book of my own, so I love coming on here to help since I know how much I like getting the same kind of feedback. Here’s my best take on your chapter.

I really like how you opened with the elevator scene. It sets a mood right away and makes me want to know why Kael didn’t turn around. The tension between Maya and her dad comes through strong, and the small detail of him tapping the chair arm was a great touch. It shows his calm starting to crack without you needing to spell it out.

Some parts could flow a little smoother. A few of Maya’s lines run long, and breaking them into shorter bursts could make her emotions feel sharper and more natural. Same with Kael’s section at the end. It leans heavy on description, but trimming it back a bit might make the loneliness hit even harder.

Overall, though, the atmosphere is strong and you’ve got the drama and tension working well.

here is mine if you get a chance.

CLICK HERE
View attachment 41406

Who man your first chapter is like blast

So basically, the first chapter throws you straight into this stormy, cinematic scene with a hidden fortress in the Bermuda Triangle, where a prophecy child is born. Echo, the father, discovers this crazy time-bending power while protecting his newborn son, Lior, and ends up sacrificing himself to make sure the baby survives. It’s super vivid and emotional, with lots of action and tension, though honestly a bit heavy with lore and characters all at once. Still, it sets up the prophecy and the son’s future really well—kind of like Red Rising mixed with Attack on Titan.

Honestly though I didn't expect it to be that big i mean the words, as you said a history teacher you have used some heavy lore:a our there I like the style. I like it hope to see some good plots.

 

[LevJrtheWriter]

Thanks much appreciated, although if you want a really true excpirince of this story you should Read from begining and thanks again, I'll definately check out your novel and give you feedback soon

Who man your first chapter is like blast

So basically, the first chapter throws you straight into this stormy, cinematic scene with a hidden fortress in the Bermuda Triangle, where a prophecy child is born. Echo, the father, discovers this crazy time-bending power while protecting his newborn son, Lior, and ends up sacrificing himself to make sure the baby survives. It’s super vivid and emotional, with lots of action and tension, though honestly a bit heavy with lore and characters all at once. Still, it sets up the prophecy and the son’s future really well—kind of like Red Rising mixed with Attack on Titan.

Honestly though I didn't expect it to be that big i mean the words, as you said a history teacher you have used some heavy lore:a our there I like the style. I like it hope to see some good plots.

Appreciate it, also I e already started reading it.