Just posted my novel a few days ago and i would love some advice!

[Duong_Trong]

Like the title said, i posted my novel on Scribble hub for a few days now and a few feedback is Greatly appreciated.
Here's the link: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/441710/maou/

 

[Ai-chan]

You made Ai-chan choke on water with this one.

Ai-chan doesn't want to sound rude, yo! But you don't need feedback. You need a writing class.

Spelling error aside...

First of all, get rid of all those dashes in front of the paragraph. It doesn't do anything but distracts and annoys the reader. You already have ':' and that is enough. Ai-chan can't comment on the story itself because... that is a lot of dialogues. Ai-chan doesn't want to be dismissive, but there is a lot of wrongs here.

Here is Ai-chan's advice:
1. Join a beginner writing class.
2. Since you like dialogues, learn screenwriting instead of novel-writing. Maybe you can sell your script to netflix one day.
3. Share your draft with a friend before you release it to the whole wide world, maybe?
4. Don't stop writing. Just keep writing, but learn basic techniques too. Maybe one day you can come back to your older works and make them better.

 

[Temple]

It seems like you're influenced by badly translated LNs? I don't keep up with translated LNs now but I think they've mostly improved past writing dialogue like a script. It really needs a lot of work, even just the spelling of Prologue is wrong. Agree with Ai-chan that you need some lessons. Can self-study. I assume English isn't your first language? It isn't mine either, and I didn't take English subjects in college (no one listens to English in high school), so when I decided to start writing, I did tons of self-study. Took me a long time to improve my writing, but it can be done with self-study.