Agentt
Thighs
- Joined
- Oct 8, 2020
- Messages
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- 183
So...this shall be the first time I use this sub forum...
My "Story Feedback" virginity has been taken!
Anyhow, the plot is simple,
We have a spiderman-like situation but in a fantasy world.
It's mostly a normal superhero novel, but with isekai setting rather than a normal one.
And instead of spider powers, MC has the power that everytime he jumps, his jumps are a bit higher than the previous time, and there is no limit.
Yes, the power above does seem like it would fit better with a cliche isekai format, put the mc in a guild and kill monsters and stuff, but I decided to experiment and instead, make him fight robbers, and corruption, and other dangers of cities.
Here is the first chapter.
My "Story Feedback" virginity has been taken!
Anyhow, the plot is simple,
We have a spiderman-like situation but in a fantasy world.
It's mostly a normal superhero novel, but with isekai setting rather than a normal one.
And instead of spider powers, MC has the power that everytime he jumps, his jumps are a bit higher than the previous time, and there is no limit.
Yes, the power above does seem like it would fit better with a cliche isekai format, put the mc in a guild and kill monsters and stuff, but I decided to experiment and instead, make him fight robbers, and corruption, and other dangers of cities.
Here is the first chapter.
"Excuse me!" I yell while being sandwiched in a crowd, "please pardon me," I say while lightly shoving a rather angry person sideways to look at the incident side.
In the centre of a large crowd composing of angry commoners, sorrowful priests and lamenting old women; were the ruins of what was yesterday a temple dedicated to the ancient Hero, who held off the Demon King's army for 10 decades while being trapped in their realm.
"Sir!" I yell to the officer at the scene, who was trying his best to keep the crowd at bay, "Sir! I am a reporter, sir. May I get a bit of your time?" I struggled a bit due to the heavy crowd trying to sway me around, but fortunately the officer noticed me,
"We don't need any reporters around here,"
"Please sir! The people deserve to know! Just a bit of your time, please."
"It was an Earthquake," he said while not even looking at me, just sideways into the oblivion, "we have confirmed it wasn't an animal attack, nor artificial. It was a normal earthquake which happened to occur here."
"Sir, do you believe this will bring the demo-"
"No more questions," he roughly grunted before throwing me back with his heavy arm.
Since I didn't get enough answers, it seems like I am forced to use some unorthodox methods here, and so; I sneak up to the behind of ruins, where the crowd was non existent due to it being a bad omen to not face the Hero's room, which meant there also wasn't any police as well.
I tip toed along the walls, and scanned the surroundings for anyone that might notice me, before quickly swooping in and shaking hands with the officer standing guard at the door.
He was surprised at first, but feeling the warm crumbles of paper in his fist made him calm down and beam into a smile.
I shake hands with him again, "Buy some sweets for your kids tonight."
"Don't care about my kids that much, you bean," he said while tucking the newly earned bribe into his pocket.
The insides were just as expected, absolutely demolished. There was rubble all around, and it was still dusty and dark, which made it a bit easier to hide from the still lingering officers; but lowered the quality of pictures I took of the place.
With a notepad and pen in hand, and my LightCapture around my neck, I began looking for anything scavengable, but there wasn't anything left.
Even a small shard of one of the statues would be a big haul, but the officers apparently did a good job cleaning this whole area up. There were no rugs, or paintings; or any sign of this being a holy place left.
I usually hate to admit, but the police might be right on this one, I snooped around every room, hoping to find some evidence that the Statue room was hit harder than rest, but no. Mother Nature didn't discriminate.
I sighed as I realized that this wasn't worth the shillings I paid to the guard, but at least this might work towards a future friendship, maybe. I hope he gives me a discount the next time.
I sneak out the same way I come in, and there were far less officers this time. Looks like they are planning to leave now.
Outside, I began asking the people their thoughts, and most gave me the same answers, about how this is a sign of Demon Lord uprising.
"W-we are doomed," said an elderly folk while shivering in terror, "the reality as we know it shall disappear and men will lose sanity. Civilisation will go down and oceans shall be lit on fire as the green witches walk on them." His hand quaked as he flattered them around, dramatically portraying the doom of the reality as we know it.
The most interesting answer was given by a monk, who was still smiling and was chanting with his eyes closed. I had to disturb him from his concentration, and asked him the same question I had asked multiple people before,
"What do you think this means?"
"The God is simply cleansing this world. It was long foretold in our scriptures, the world is too full of sinners. God shall make this world anew, and charge the ones loyal to him right now as the new leaders."
He then proceeded to invite me to his group, a weekly meeting of like minded people to meditate together for a small fee of seven hundred shillings, which was 500 more than what I gave to the guard, that too per month!
Nevertheless, we exchanged cards and I said I'll think about it.
I roamed around a bit, but my hopes were low. This was a waste of time, which might explain why I don't see other reporters. Perhaps they already came and left before me. The data I have, I can barely make a two hundred words report with this. Aunt Bathy's new Snow Pudding will be a bigger headline than this.
The sun moved across the sky, turning it bluish orange and the police finally decided to halt the search. I was hoping to get some new statements out,
"Excuse me, do you have a moment please, sir?" I asked a lean man who appeared to be the lead. He didn't reply, but did stop to face me,
"My name is Kelvin Fursttold, I am from the paper Feather's Boot. Would you explain what happened here?"
"This here," he said rather unjarringly, as if he was used to reporting, "it was the Hero Lunarcy temple right here. We believe that yesterday night an earthquake hit about a few kilometres from here, which caused this to collapse. We have found no mana remains either."
"Sir," I say rather pressingly to get as much as an answer before they have to leave, "Do you believe this is a sign of the demon lord's incoming?"
"No, even before the earthquake we had ascertained that the statues, and this place in general is inert and has no real connection with the hero, or the demon lord for that matters. So, this was just an unfortunate accident. We also have run away animals to deal with, so please keep this short,"
I ask more, but the answers I get were all too useless to even note, for they were all too precise, and didn't even leave enough vagueness to make a spicy line.
A man should be decent enough to say, "We don't know" every now and then, but no. This man had a boring answer to everything I threw at him.
Just as I was about to leave, I heard a wisper,
"Psst," said a familiar voice, "you, the boot kid,"
I turned around to see the guard I had bribed was calling me out from the trees, signalling me to come closer.
"What is it?" I ask quietly when I am just a feet away from him,
"You want to see some goods? Come."
I followed him, and he led me to the back of the police tent, to the back of an unguarded police vehicle, where many wooden boxes lied.
I was awestruck, for they were the ruins the police had collected. There would definitely be loads of statue fragments here!
"But," I ask, "but why?"
"Your paper, Flying Boot, is it?" He replied while peeping from the side of the vehicle, looking for anyone who might come, "my daughter reads it. Thought to help you a bit then, eh buddy?"
Feather Boot, I wanted to correct him but I didn't let the man's kindness go in vain, and quickly snapped some pictures using the LightCapture around my neck.
"Hey!" He warned me, "no touching okay? Just snip snap those pics."
Naturally, the journalist I am, I poked one of the rocks as soon his back was turned to me and resumed taking pictures.
There wasn't anything spectacular about them, almost indistinguishable from normal granite. A few had reminisces of carvings on them, which alone would be able to achieve half a page worth content after i get some opinions on this.
Just as I was rummaging, I felt a warmth. A nasty feeling as if I touched the dead body of a slime,
I take a closer look, removing the chunks in the way, and find a green glow.
I take out the rock, it was a stone whose cracks simmered a visceral green.
It was strange, it didn't glowed like a lightbulb, instead, it was as if it was just reflecting some sort of unknown source of light. As if the radiance I was seeing was some sort of illusion.
"Hey!" I was startled by the guard's cry, "Go go go! Peoples coming!" He said while hazardously waving his hand in a shooing manner while still keeping watch.
The surprise wail, along with voices of chatter panicked me a bit, and I rushed back to woods, taking a detour back to the entrance.
It was then that I noticed I had accidentally picked up the green stone in the excitement, but it was too late to return it now. And it was worth enough to not just throw it; so I just stuffed it in my pocket and departed for home, planning to sleep as soon I reach there.
In the centre of a large crowd composing of angry commoners, sorrowful priests and lamenting old women; were the ruins of what was yesterday a temple dedicated to the ancient Hero, who held off the Demon King's army for 10 decades while being trapped in their realm.
"Sir!" I yell to the officer at the scene, who was trying his best to keep the crowd at bay, "Sir! I am a reporter, sir. May I get a bit of your time?" I struggled a bit due to the heavy crowd trying to sway me around, but fortunately the officer noticed me,
"We don't need any reporters around here,"
"Please sir! The people deserve to know! Just a bit of your time, please."
"It was an Earthquake," he said while not even looking at me, just sideways into the oblivion, "we have confirmed it wasn't an animal attack, nor artificial. It was a normal earthquake which happened to occur here."
"Sir, do you believe this will bring the demo-"
"No more questions," he roughly grunted before throwing me back with his heavy arm.
Since I didn't get enough answers, it seems like I am forced to use some unorthodox methods here, and so; I sneak up to the behind of ruins, where the crowd was non existent due to it being a bad omen to not face the Hero's room, which meant there also wasn't any police as well.
I tip toed along the walls, and scanned the surroundings for anyone that might notice me, before quickly swooping in and shaking hands with the officer standing guard at the door.
He was surprised at first, but feeling the warm crumbles of paper in his fist made him calm down and beam into a smile.
I shake hands with him again, "Buy some sweets for your kids tonight."
"Don't care about my kids that much, you bean," he said while tucking the newly earned bribe into his pocket.
The insides were just as expected, absolutely demolished. There was rubble all around, and it was still dusty and dark, which made it a bit easier to hide from the still lingering officers; but lowered the quality of pictures I took of the place.
With a notepad and pen in hand, and my LightCapture around my neck, I began looking for anything scavengable, but there wasn't anything left.
Even a small shard of one of the statues would be a big haul, but the officers apparently did a good job cleaning this whole area up. There were no rugs, or paintings; or any sign of this being a holy place left.
I usually hate to admit, but the police might be right on this one, I snooped around every room, hoping to find some evidence that the Statue room was hit harder than rest, but no. Mother Nature didn't discriminate.
I sighed as I realized that this wasn't worth the shillings I paid to the guard, but at least this might work towards a future friendship, maybe. I hope he gives me a discount the next time.
I sneak out the same way I come in, and there were far less officers this time. Looks like they are planning to leave now.
Outside, I began asking the people their thoughts, and most gave me the same answers, about how this is a sign of Demon Lord uprising.
"W-we are doomed," said an elderly folk while shivering in terror, "the reality as we know it shall disappear and men will lose sanity. Civilisation will go down and oceans shall be lit on fire as the green witches walk on them." His hand quaked as he flattered them around, dramatically portraying the doom of the reality as we know it.
The most interesting answer was given by a monk, who was still smiling and was chanting with his eyes closed. I had to disturb him from his concentration, and asked him the same question I had asked multiple people before,
"What do you think this means?"
"The God is simply cleansing this world. It was long foretold in our scriptures, the world is too full of sinners. God shall make this world anew, and charge the ones loyal to him right now as the new leaders."
He then proceeded to invite me to his group, a weekly meeting of like minded people to meditate together for a small fee of seven hundred shillings, which was 500 more than what I gave to the guard, that too per month!
Nevertheless, we exchanged cards and I said I'll think about it.
I roamed around a bit, but my hopes were low. This was a waste of time, which might explain why I don't see other reporters. Perhaps they already came and left before me. The data I have, I can barely make a two hundred words report with this. Aunt Bathy's new Snow Pudding will be a bigger headline than this.
The sun moved across the sky, turning it bluish orange and the police finally decided to halt the search. I was hoping to get some new statements out,
"Excuse me, do you have a moment please, sir?" I asked a lean man who appeared to be the lead. He didn't reply, but did stop to face me,
"My name is Kelvin Fursttold, I am from the paper Feather's Boot. Would you explain what happened here?"
"This here," he said rather unjarringly, as if he was used to reporting, "it was the Hero Lunarcy temple right here. We believe that yesterday night an earthquake hit about a few kilometres from here, which caused this to collapse. We have found no mana remains either."
"Sir," I say rather pressingly to get as much as an answer before they have to leave, "Do you believe this is a sign of the demon lord's incoming?"
"No, even before the earthquake we had ascertained that the statues, and this place in general is inert and has no real connection with the hero, or the demon lord for that matters. So, this was just an unfortunate accident. We also have run away animals to deal with, so please keep this short,"
I ask more, but the answers I get were all too useless to even note, for they were all too precise, and didn't even leave enough vagueness to make a spicy line.
A man should be decent enough to say, "We don't know" every now and then, but no. This man had a boring answer to everything I threw at him.
Just as I was about to leave, I heard a wisper,
"Psst," said a familiar voice, "you, the boot kid,"
I turned around to see the guard I had bribed was calling me out from the trees, signalling me to come closer.
"What is it?" I ask quietly when I am just a feet away from him,
"You want to see some goods? Come."
I followed him, and he led me to the back of the police tent, to the back of an unguarded police vehicle, where many wooden boxes lied.
I was awestruck, for they were the ruins the police had collected. There would definitely be loads of statue fragments here!
"But," I ask, "but why?"
"Your paper, Flying Boot, is it?" He replied while peeping from the side of the vehicle, looking for anyone who might come, "my daughter reads it. Thought to help you a bit then, eh buddy?"
Feather Boot, I wanted to correct him but I didn't let the man's kindness go in vain, and quickly snapped some pictures using the LightCapture around my neck.
"Hey!" He warned me, "no touching okay? Just snip snap those pics."
Naturally, the journalist I am, I poked one of the rocks as soon his back was turned to me and resumed taking pictures.
There wasn't anything spectacular about them, almost indistinguishable from normal granite. A few had reminisces of carvings on them, which alone would be able to achieve half a page worth content after i get some opinions on this.
Just as I was rummaging, I felt a warmth. A nasty feeling as if I touched the dead body of a slime,
I take a closer look, removing the chunks in the way, and find a green glow.
I take out the rock, it was a stone whose cracks simmered a visceral green.
It was strange, it didn't glowed like a lightbulb, instead, it was as if it was just reflecting some sort of unknown source of light. As if the radiance I was seeing was some sort of illusion.
"Hey!" I was startled by the guard's cry, "Go go go! Peoples coming!" He said while hazardously waving his hand in a shooing manner while still keeping watch.
The surprise wail, along with voices of chatter panicked me a bit, and I rushed back to woods, taking a detour back to the entrance.
It was then that I noticed I had accidentally picked up the green stone in the excitement, but it was too late to return it now. And it was worth enough to not just throw it; so I just stuffed it in my pocket and departed for home, planning to sleep as soon I reach there.
