Writing Is this dialogue format “off-putting”?

[EliseValkyria]

Hello everyone and sorry to bother you again.

First of all I want to mention that English is not my first language, so maybe I am just not understanding the way to write dialogues in English. So I wanted to ask you if the dialogue format I use is somehow “off-putting” as the comments of annoying people make me point out.

According to one of the comments is in reference, and I quote:

Alright, from the get-go, the unconventional formatting of the direct speech if off-putting.



The dialogue he was referring to was this one from the first chapter of my novel:

"I heard she was the same one who stopped the use of Nova 6 at Inferno Point."
"An elite warrior," one of them mentioned.

"Isn't she also Supervisor Serena's sister?" the youngest pilot said.

"Yes, she is, but keep your voice down, didn't you hear what happened to her?"
"She lost her position just for talking to the guy we're going to visit."
"I heard he ripped her wings off."
"It's the worst kind of pain you can go through, like having your entire spine shredded in less than 10 seconds."
"And I don't want the same thing to happen to me just because I talk too much," the veteran pilot said.

"But is this guy really the same guy from the Atlantis story?"
"You know... the one who killed the other 6 final bosses."

"Oh yeah, I heard once that he was so angry that he ripped out the eyes of the True Dragon of Death with his own hands."

"That's nothing, I heard the guy survived a plane crash during an aerial battle against enemy aces, yeah, collision with explosion, fireball and all."
"They say the expression 'too badass to die' applies to him."

"Guys, can you shut up for a moment, this is serious," the girl in the back mentioned.
"If we mess up with him in any way, we'll go back to heaven quickly without using this ship."
"And without our wings, too."
"..."
"Look at it from a different perspective."
"No matter what the stories say, he's just another man."
"That's how he sees himself, or how he lies to himself."
"And that's the only truth you should believe if you want to come back from this mission alive."

"Yeah, sure, and if he were just a normal person, why are we here in the first place?"
"We're going into a war zone between humans, that's not our problem."
"It says so in the CSS manual."
"We can't interfere with the problems of level 3 or below sentient beings."

"It's our problem because he's here."
"He's the one doing us a big favor by searching for the Codex."
"..."
"You at least know what that is, right?" Stella replied, worried about the lack of context one of the pilots had.

"Ohhh..."

"Sorry Stella, he's the new guy I told you about."
"He's exceptional as a pilot, knows the air by heart."
"The problem is that his head is also only filled with it," the old pilot mentioned.

"'Oh, well, look, in general it's simple, in short, it's a stone that grants wishes.'"
"Typical fairy tale object, you've probably heard the story a million times."
"This stone got lost in the human world, and of course it's not good for humans to use it."
"The problem, besides humans having it, is that it's also in a war zone that's well documented by journalists."
"We can't just show up and take it back without risking our existence being discovered."
"So we called Cesar to help us find it."
"He will look for it and bring it back to us," Stella replied as quickly as possible.

"Yes, but if the stone is in a war zone, why is he doing us the favor of searching for it?"
"I mean, he's going into a super dangerous combat zone where you can easily lose your life to a bullet."
"To look for a little crystal in the middle of a firefight?"
"What's in it for him?" the new guy asked, understandably.

"If he finds the stone, we'll cure his sister who's in the hospital."
"She has a serious and almost incurable disease, we'll just perform a 'small miracle' in exchange for his cooperation."

"And isn't it easier for him to find the wish stone and ask for his sister's cure himself?"

"That's because it's more than just a stupid stone."
"I just gave you the summary, but the stone requires an advance payment, a very large one."
"So it's easier to give it to us than to ask for the stone directly."

"Hey, I've got the aircraft carrier on radar, we're close."
"I'm going into stealth mode."
"Hold on to your seats, it's not easy to land on a military aircraft carrier without being detected."
" Touchdown in 5 minutes!"

 

[Akaichi]

I am not an expert, but I think you need to add action tags, but that's a style choice.

You just need to make everything clearer, set the rhythm.

 

[GlassRose]

I don't think the contents, or direct formatting, of the dialogue is itself the issue. Rather, there's just too much unbroken dialogue. Usually large sections of dialogue are broken up with descriptions of what's going on while the dialogue is happening, body language and facial expressions of the involved characters. That can communicate a lot of the character's intentions and feelings as well, that you then don't have to state directly in the dialogue.

It also seems like you occasionally have the same character talking in sequential quotation marks, and that can be confusing. If the character is still talking, you make paragraph breaks without closing and reopening with quotation marks. Or, if you do close and reopen the string of dialogue, make sure to add a tag (or preferably, something that serves the same purpose while adding a bit more flavor) that indicates that it's the same person speaking,

Ex.
"(character speaking)"
He paused shortly to take a breath.
"(character continues speaking)"

In general, it can be hard to follow who's speaking when you have a lot of dialogue, which is why it's important to break up with little descriptions and identifiers to help the reader keep track. And I don't mean, just "he said, she inquired" I mean actual descriptions of the scene itself, any actions the characters are taking while the conversation is happening. You can use the opportunity to further elaborate on the character's visual appearance, and their character as you describe how they react to the contents of the conversation, any little movements they make, etc. There's a lot of potential for communicating information to reader about characters when a dialogue is happening, completely separate from what's actually being said.

It's why I hate it when writers sometimes skip over a dialogue that occurs when it's communicating something the readers already know, because even if we know the contents, getting to see how the characters react to that information in the moment, rather than just summed up after-the-fact, is just so much more interesting and enjoyable. I mean, in some cases it's okay, but if it's something being revealed, something that you'd expect would trigger a reaction, like surprise, then i prefer to actually get to see it.

 

[LilRora]

The uneven spacing is a bit offputting. It's not a large issue, but can affect the enjoyment from reading.

Otherwise, I think you have too little tags, primarily action tags - reading this excerpt, I had no idea what was happening other than a dialogue placed somewhere. This also causes the dialogue to feel kind of artificial because there are no pauses.

Also, this is more general advice, characters don't need to speak and describe things in full sentences. It's completely fine for a lot of things to be implied or unclear, for example by writing someone said something, then the other person grimaced and shook their head, then changed the topic, or in a different situation for someone to ask: "Why?" Without any further clarification - it should be deduced from context what exactly it is about.

 

[Corty]

it is

 

[AmeronWerschrux]

Hello everyone and sorry to bother you again.

First of all I want to mention that English is not my first language, so maybe I am just not understanding the way to write dialogues in English. So I wanted to ask you if the dialogue format I use is somehow “off-putting” as the comments of annoying people make me point out.

According to one of the comments is in reference, and I quote:

Alright, from the get-go, the unconventional formatting of the direct speech if off-putting.



The dialogue he was referring to was this one from the first chapter of my novel:

I think you should add more narration in-between lines to ease the flow and add who speaks from time to time so that people won't get lost following who speaks

 

[Miurahh]

In my personal opinion, reading dialogue like this is flat and boring.

Instead of having my reading guided I have to figure it out myself who is speaking, what they're feeling, how intense the situation is and it might give the completely wrong vibe that you intended initially. Maybe they're bored, maybe they're struggling, maybe it's an intense action scene but because I only get dry dialogue and an occasional "he said/she said" so I can't possibly tell how intense the situation really is. I can't sense any frustration, anger, sadness, hope through this entire dialogue at all.

It's the same reason I heavily dislike reading a massive paragraph in a rather calm tone and all of a sudden, at the end, the character is supposed to be furious and actually used a yelling voice which makes me read the entire paragraph again in an angry yelling tone.

 

[Story_Marc]

Linked straight to the explanation of how to stop formatting wrong and the exact problem.

 

[Syringe]

The issue is threefold. The first is that it's broken strangely. At first I thought it was to separate who was talking, since after each period it's a new line rather than a continuation from the same line.

For example ->
"Sorry Stella, he's the new guy I told you about."
"He's exceptional as a pilot, knows the air by heart."
"The problem is that his head is also only filled with it," the old pilot mentioned.

vs

"Sorry Stella, he's the new guy I told you about. He's exceptional as a pilot, knows the air by heart. The problem is that his head is also only filled with it," the old pilot mentioned.

Which leads into the second problem. I thought two people were speaking, but it seems to actually be one. If you flattened them out like this then it could solve the problem of figuring out who is actually speaking.

You don't always have to denote when someone is speaking, but you need to at least make it known/defined beforehand, whether it be through context cues like how an interrogator in a scene will always be the one asking the questions, or by adding - 'X' said/'X' sighed/'X' murmured.

Unfortunately in this format it makes it hard to do that too.

It's very, very difficult to tell who is speaking at all. Some of the dialogue blocks also appear to have multiple people speaking too, since the next line that seems to respond to the ones above it.

Examples ->

"Yes, she is, but keep your voice down, didn't you hear what happened to her?"
"She lost her position just for talking to the guy we're going to visit. - This is from one person from what I can tell.

"But is this guy really the same guy from the Atlantis story?"
"You know... the one who killed the other 6 final bosses." - Same as this, but also unsure if someone is answering a question or not.

"Yeah, sure, and if he were just a normal person, why are we here in the first place?"
"We're going into a war zone between humans, that's not our problem."
"It says so in the CSS manual."
"We can't interfere with the problems of level 3 or below sentient beings." - This sounds like two people are going back and forth.

The third issue is that some of these blocks don't always end with - 'X' said or something similar.

Example ->

"I heard she was the same one who stopped the use of Nova 6 at Inferno Point."
"An elite warrior," one of them mentioned.

"Isn't she also Supervisor Serena's sister?" the youngest pilot said.

"Yes, she is, but keep your voice down, didn't you hear what happened to her?"
"She lost her position just for talking to the guy we're going to visit."
"I heard he ripped her wings off."
"It's the worst kind of pain you can go through, like having your entire spine shredded in less than 10 seconds."
"And I don't want the same thing to happen to me just because I talk too much," the veteran pilot said.

"But is this guy really the same guy from the Atlantis story?"
"You know... the one who killed the other 6 final bosses." - Who is saying this?

"Oh yeah, I heard once that he was so angry that he ripped out the eyes of the True Dragon of Death with his own hands." - No denotion.

"That's nothing, I heard the guy survived a plane crash during an aerial battle against enemy aces, yeah, collision with explosion, fireball and all."
"They say the expression 'too badass to die' applies to him." - Is this being said by one person or two, and if so by who?

The best and easiest fix you can do is to remove the multiple lines and squish them into one paragraph, as well as adding context so we know who is talking, who is involved, and what's happening in the scene.

That block ends up looking like this:

"I heard she was the same one who stopped the use of Nova 6 at Inferno Point. An elite warrior," one of them mentioned.

"Isn't she also Supervisor Serena's sister?" the youngest pilot said.

"Yes, she is, but keep your voice down, didn't you hear what happened to her?"
"She lost her position just for talking to the guy we're going to visit."
"I heard he ripped her wings off." The group of pilots chatted amongst themselves before a veteran pilot chimed in.

"It's the worst kind of pain you can go through, like having your entire spine shredded in less than 10 seconds. And I don't want the same thing to happen to me just because I talk too much," the veteran pilot said.

"But is this guy really the same guy from the Atlantis story? You know... the one who killed the other 6 final bosses." Someone brought up and was immediately barraged by legends surrounding the man from the Atlantis story.

"Oh yeah, I heard once that he was so angry that he ripped out the eyes of the True Dragon of Death with his own hands."
"That's nothing, I heard the guy survived a plane crash during an aerial battle against enemy aces, yeah, collision with explosion, fireball and all."
"They say the expression 'too badass to die' applies to him."

"Guys, can you shut up for a moment, this is serious," the girl in the back mentioned. "If we mess up with him in any way, we'll go back to heaven quickly without using this ship. And without our wings, too."

"..." The band of pilots immediately fell silent as they gulped nervously.

"Look at it from a different perspective." The girl sighed. "No matter what the stories say, he's just another man. That's how he sees himself, or how he lies to himself. And that's the only truth you should believe if you want to come back from this mission alive."

"Yeah, sure, and if he were just a normal person, why are we here in the first place?" It was a simple question, and it seemed to be what every else had on their minds. They nodded in agreement as he continued. "We're going into a war zone between humans, that's not our problem. It says so in the CSS manual. We can't interfere with the problems of level 3 or below sentient beings."

"It's our problem because he's here." The voice of a woman cut through the thick of their woes, silencing them instantly. He's the one doing us a big favor by searching for the Codex."

"..."

"You at least know what that is, right?" Stella replied, worried about the lack of context one of the pilots had.

"Ohhh..."

 

[Verdant]

I don't think the contents, or direct formatting, of the dialogue is itself the issue. Rather, there's just too much unbroken dialogue. Usually large sections of dialogue are broken up with descriptions of what's going on while the dialogue is happening, body language and facial expressions of the involved characters. That can communicate a lot of the character's intentions and feelings as well, that you then don't have to state directly in the dialogue.

It also seems like you occasionally have the same character talking in sequential quotation marks, and that can be confusing. If the character is still talking, you make paragraph breaks without closing and reopening with quotation marks. Or, if you do close and reopen the string of dialogue, make sure to add a tag (or preferably, something that serves the same purpose while adding a bit more flavor) that indicates that it's the same person speaking,

Ex.
"(character speaking)"
He paused shortly to take a breath.
"(character continues speaking)"

In general, it can be hard to follow who's speaking when you have a lot of dialogue, which is why it's important to break up with little descriptions and identifiers to help the reader keep track. And I don't mean, just "he said, she inquired" I mean actual descriptions of the scene itself, any actions the characters are taking while the conversation is happening. You can use the opportunity to further elaborate on the character's visual appearance, and their character as you describe how they react to the contents of the conversation, any little movements they make, etc. There's a lot of potential for communicating information to reader about characters when a dialogue is happening, completely separate from what's actually being said.

It's why I hate it when writers sometimes skip over a dialogue that occurs when it's communicating something the readers already know, because even if we know the contents, getting to see how the characters react to that information in the moment, rather than just summed up after-the-fact, is just so much more interesting and enjoyable. I mean, in some cases it's okay, but if it's something being revealed, something that you'd expect would trigger a reaction, like surprise, then i prefer to actually get to see it.

Very well put

 

[melchi]

The issue is threefold. The first is that it's broken strangely. At first I thought it was to separate who was talking, since after each period it's a new line rather than a continuation from the same line.

For example ->
"Sorry Stella, he's the new guy I told you about."
"He's exceptional as a pilot, knows the air by heart."
"The problem is that his head is also only filled with it," the old pilot mentioned.

vs

"Sorry Stella, he's the new guy I told you about. He's exceptional as a pilot, knows the air by heart. The problem is that his head is also only filled with it," the old pilot mentioned.

Which leads into the second problem. I thought two people were speaking, but it seems to actually be one. If you flattened them out like this then it could solve the problem of figuring out who is actually speaking.

You don't always have to denote when someone is speaking, but you need to at least make it known/defined beforehand, whether it be through context cues like how an interrogator in a scene will always be the one asking the questions, or by adding - 'X' said/'X' sighed/'X' murmured.

Unfortunately in this format it makes it hard to do that too.

It's very, very difficult to tell who is speaking at all. Some of the dialogue blocks also appear to have multiple people speaking too, since the next line that seems to respond to the ones above it.

Examples ->

"Yes, she is, but keep your voice down, didn't you hear what happened to her?"
"She lost her position just for talking to the guy we're going to visit. - This is from one person from what I can tell.

"But is this guy really the same guy from the Atlantis story?"
"You know... the one who killed the other 6 final bosses." - Same as this, but also unsure if someone is answering a question or not.

"Yeah, sure, and if he were just a normal person, why are we here in the first place?"
"We're going into a war zone between humans, that's not our problem."
"It says so in the CSS manual."
"We can't interfere with the problems of level 3 or below sentient beings." - But this sounds two people are going back and forth.

The third issue is that some of these blocks don't always end with - 'X' said.

Example ->

"I heard she was the same one who stopped the use of Nova 6 at Inferno Point."
"An elite warrior," one of them mentioned.

"Isn't she also Supervisor Serena's sister?" the youngest pilot said.

"Yes, she is, but keep your voice down, didn't you hear what happened to her?"
"She lost her position just for talking to the guy we're going to visit."
"I heard he ripped her wings off."
"It's the worst kind of pain you can go through, like having your entire spine shredded in less than 10 seconds."
"And I don't want the same thing to happen to me just because I talk too much," the veteran pilot said.

"But is this guy really the same guy from the Atlantis story?"
"You know... the one who killed the other 6 final bosses." - Who is saying this?

"Oh yeah, I heard once that he was so angry that he ripped out the eyes of the True Dragon of Death with his own hands." - No denotion.

"That's nothing, I heard the guy survived a plane crash during an aerial battle against enemy aces, yeah, collision with explosion, fireball and all."
"They say the expression 'too badass to die' applies to him." - Is this being said by one person or two, and if so by who?

The best and easiest fix you can do is to remove the multiple lines and squish them into one paragraph, as well as adding context so we know who is talking, who is involved, and what's happening in the scene.

That block ends up looking like this:

"I heard she was the same one who stopped the use of Nova 6 at Inferno Point. An elite warrior," one of them mentioned.

"Isn't she also Supervisor Serena's sister?" the youngest pilot said.

"Yes, she is, but keep your voice down, didn't you hear what happened to her?"
"She lost her position just for talking to the guy we're going to visit."
"I heard he ripped her wings off." The group of pilots chatted amongst themselves before a veteran pilot chimed in.

"It's the worst kind of pain you can go through, like having your entire spine shredded in less than 10 seconds. And I don't want the same thing to happen to me just because I talk too much," the veteran pilot said.

"But is this guy really the same guy from the Atlantis story? You know... the one who killed the other 6 final bosses." Someone brought up and was immediately barraged by legends surrounding the man from the Atlantis story.

"Oh yeah, I heard once that he was so angry that he ripped out the eyes of the True Dragon of Death with his own hands."
"That's nothing, I heard the guy survived a plane crash during an aerial battle against enemy aces, yeah, collision with explosion, fireball and all."
"They say the expression 'too badass to die' applies to him."

"Guys, can you shut up for a moment, this is serious," the girl in the back mentioned. "If we mess up with him in any way, we'll go back to heaven quickly without using this ship. And without our wings, too."

"..." The band of pilots immediately fell silent as they gulped nervously.

"Look at it from a different perspective." The girl sighed. "No matter what the stories say, he's just another man. That's how he sees himself, or how he lies to himself. And that's the only truth you should believe if you want to come back from this mission alive."

"Yeah, sure, and if he were just a normal person, why are we here in the first place?" It was a simple question, and it seemed to be what every else had on their minds. They nodded in agreement as he continued. "We're going into a war zone between humans, that's not our problem. It says so in the CSS manual. We can't interfere with the problems of level 3 or below sentient beings."

"It's our problem because he's here." The voice of a woman cut through the thick of their woes, silencing them instantly. He's the one doing us a big favor by searching for the Codex."

"..."

"You at least know what that is, right?" Stella replied, worried about the lack of context one of the pilots had.

"Ohhh..."

I thought two people were speaking too.

Also, there is some serious talking head syndrome going on.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

Well, I have no idea who is talking to who, what they are doing in the room, anything like that.
Go to my Sig file, go to A Rules Lawyer in a Literal RPG.

Read... well... anything.

I usually start with: OPENING ZINGER

[Small amount of exposition]

[ACTION]

[Sometimes I have the narrator talk directly to the reader for a while]

[ACTION]

[CLIFFHANGER]

---------

When people ACT, I DESCRIBE IT.

Every paragraph has a Noun and any pronouns refer to that noun. If I include a NEW noun, all the pronouns refer to THAT noun until there is a new noun.


Bob said, "Hi". He walked up to Ed. He glared.

That is different from

Bob said, "Hi." He walked up to Ed. Bob glared.

ALL SPOKE DIALOGUE IS FROM ONE PERSON PER PARAGRAPH.

Usually A new paragraph means a new speaker, UNLESS I HAVE ONLY DIALOGUE.



Bob said, "Everyone is stupid and loves cheese."

"ON THE MOON."



Bob said "Everyone is stupid and loves cheese."

Ed replied, "On the moon?"





Eldritch settled into a form easier for you to comprehend, "When I'm having a lot of talking, I tend to break it up at points that make sense. Usually when I type a lot of words, I have a simple rule of thumb." He picked his nose, "I have some action to break up the rambling paragraph at every second pause. If I say the words out loud, there will be points where you will naturally pause." He rolled his hand in the air, "EVERY EVEN PAUSE IN THE WORDS, ADD A BREAK IN THE SPEECH. This is because that is how people THINK. If you have nothing BUT a wall of text, it's hard on the eyes."

 

[ThatTwat3000]

Hello everyone and sorry to bother you again.

First of all I want to mention that English is not my first language, so maybe I am just not understanding the way to write dialogues in English. So I wanted to ask you if the dialogue format I use is somehow “off-putting” as the comments of annoying people make me point out.

According to one of the comments is in reference, and I quote:

Alright, from the get-go, the unconventional formatting of the direct speech if off-putting.



The dialogue he was referring to was this one from the first chapter of my novel:

It’s just a block of text in quotes. I think you need more action.

 

[OokamiKasumi]

Hello everyone and sorry to bother you again.

First of all I want to mention that English is not my first language, so maybe I am just not understanding the way to write dialogues in English. So I wanted to ask you if the dialogue format I use is somehow “off-putting” as the comments of annoying people make me point out.

According to one of the comments is in reference, and I quote:

Alright, from the get-go, the unconventional formatting of the direct speech if off-putting.

The dialogue itself seems to be just fine.

What is off-putting is that this example contains dialogue Only.
-- Just dialogue. Nothing else.

When you have dialogue alone, without any form of description, the reader can't SEE the story in their minds. They can Hear it, like a radio show, but they can't imagine what is happening, like a movie -- because nothing is there to help them imagine it.

To make matters worse, you've separated every single line of dialogue from each other. Even lines spoken by the Same Character.

Separating out each line of dialogue like that makes people think that a different person is speaking -- because that's how paragraphs are done in English.

From Strunk and White's, Elements of Style -- a grammar book.

"In dialogue, each speech, even if only a single word, is a paragraph by itself; that is, a new paragraph begins with each change of speaker."​

This is often misinterpreted as "Make a new paragraph at every new line of dialogue."

Um... No. The key phrase here is:

"...with each Change of Speaker." ​

As long as the Speaker is Acting, the Speaker HAS NOT CHANGED.

However, every time a new character Acts, you ARE Changing Speakers -- even if they don't talk! Therefore, each new character ACTING gets a New Paragraph, whether or not they have dialogue.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For more detailed information on paragraphing, click on:

[Tutorial] The Secret to Proper Paragraphing and Dialogue​

For an example on adding description to your dialogue, click on:

[Tutorial] Is Description really needed? YES.​

 

[seahorsepink1]

Hello everyone and sorry to bother you again.

First of all I want to mention that English is not my first language, so maybe I am just not understanding the way to write dialogues in English. So I wanted to ask you if the dialogue format I use is somehow “off-putting” as the comments of annoying people make me point out.

According to one of the comments is in reference, and I quote:

Alright, from the get-go, the unconventional formatting of the direct speech if off-putting.



The dialogue he was referring to was this one from the first chapter of my novel:

You need action tags and speaker tags.

Here's an example of dialogue in a typical webnovel's style.
_____________________________________________________

Xavier scratched his head before muttering, "Wait... Min-Jun? Isn't that the ..."

"Weak moron?" Choi Yeong-Ja finished for him. "Yeah, he is."

"Then why is he the top one?"

"Who knows. Personally, I saw his potential from the start."

Upon hearing that, Xavier raised a brow. "Didn't he have cancer?"
"..."

Instructor Heldrich flew towards the duo. Irritated, he lashed out, "It's always you two violent trouble-makers. Stop yip-yapping during a lesson and pay attention to my class."

"We didn't do anything wrong!" Xavier was baffled.

"He's right, you're an idiot of an instructor." ..Choi Yeong-Ja definitely just made that up.

Choi Yeong-Ja yawned and leaned back on her chair. She stretched her arms like a cat before closing her eyes in ignorance.

"I didn't even say that, but you're correct."

The instructor sighed, feeling defeated. "Detention slip," he passed a pink paper slip to Choi Yeong-Ja. "Detention slip," and he passed one to Xavier.

"..."

The duo stared at each other in silence, their gazes blaming, "This is your fault."

____________________________________________________

Key rules: Do not constantly repeat the same name in the same paragraph. Always include speaker tags when adding new dialogue. Make sure your dialogue is consistent. Make sure the people in the dialogue can be identified. Make sure your formatting is correct. (OPTIONAL) Make sure your dialogue isn't boring.

Here's a better example for what Eldritch said ---

(Name) CORRECT:

"Where is my son?" Park Cordelia urged her to answer.

Choi Yeong-Ja sighed somberly before replying, "I'm sorry. Your son, Park Min-Jun, is most likely dead." She gently wiped the faint tears dripping from the side of her eyes and stared deeply into the distant stars. "May the divine ones have mercy on him."

WRONG:
"Where is my son?"

"I'm sorry. Your son, Park Min-Jun, is most likely dead. May the divine ones have mercy on him."

(No name) CORRECT:

She trances gleefully, skipping and jumping as she grows closer to her next victim. "La! La-la!~" she hummed.

"What the hell are you doing?" her brother interrupts her delusions.

"I.. uh.."

WRONG:

"La! La-la!~" She trances.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I.. uh.."