I need feedback on my AU

ConcubusBunny

Chaotic lewd enby bunny. They/them
Joined
Feb 10, 2020
Messages
261
Points
83
I need feedback on the first chapter of an AU I did, any advice to improve will be appreciated.
 

Zirrboy

Fueled by anger
Joined
Jan 25, 2021
Messages
1,192
Points
153
That chance's down the drain for this one, but once/if you start another series, save up a bunch of chapters before going public. Something upward of a dozen at least, otherwise you're just making it unnecessarily hard on yourself.

Minimal grammar/flow changes
The story begins with Enri being aware earlier on with of Ainz Ooal Gown's intentions to take over the other kingdoms earlier and is onboard with it supporting him. (Unless you genderbent Ainz)
Enri will go out into the new world adding more members to the (harem) sorcerer kingdom to increase Ainz's power instead of just staying in Carne village.

A bit wider reworks (Disclaimer would be after this)
This story takes place in an alternate timeline of Overlord where Enri became aware of Ainz Ooal Gown's intentions much sooner.
But unlike her original self, she joins his cause, traveling the New World in search of people to add to the sorcerer kingdom's forces. And harem.

Which you pick is up to you ofc. The latter might be a bit formal for your tastes.
 
Last edited:
Top