I did content writing for several years in the past but... this bl novel idea had to be written. Check this out!

[sumichan]

Let me quote Sofia Vergara's THAT sentence, "Do you know how smart I am in Spanish?" Yeah. I feel it deep whenever I write something in English.

My writing skills are purely adequate in my native language ofc but, I guess writing things to be "useful" (like contents) bugs me, I love to enjoy what I read or write, other than that, it's just dispiriting.

And since I read a lot of novels and had countless scenario ideas, I thought I could write at least one of them to free my mind and here we are...

Feel free to make any comment (really, any comment is okay) if you're interested! Briefly, it's a novel about an overpowered protagonist and the way his life changes when an intruder breaks into it. It's guideverse and omegaverse combined and... a bit angsty, I guess?

There you go! Endemic Love (BL)

 

[StoneInky]

First thing that comes to mind reading the synopsis; there better be a good reason why he is hiding the fact that he is an omega, and pretending to be not a beta, but an alpha. And why the male lead specifically looked for Le An, and how he knows he is an omega. You don't have to tell us what the reason is just yet, but it better be there and make a lot of sense.

Next, into the story. Axe the prologue. It does nothing, and it just repeats the same stuff you gave me in the synopsis.

In fact, I'll suggest turning the front part of your first chapter into the prologue instead. Most people reading this BL will know about guideverse and omegaverse already, so you wanna give em an option to skip all the exposition.

That also lets you start your first chapter with immediate action. Someone grabbing Le An on the wall. And you don't have to awkwardly explain time passing as he meditates before that happens.

I like everything else except for that. It's only the first and second chapter, so it's difficult to judge, but I think it'll line up with what BL readers typically expect. And the characters interact well. The descriptions work.

Lastly... since I reviewed your novel... sneakily passes over my own BL.

Similar dark vibe to yours, lmao. I'm desperate for reviewers, but you're the first person I've found who is into BL. So...if you have time... maybe we can beta read each other(?)

Best Friend Obsession

Do you know the best friend of the male lead in Boys Love novels? The second male lead who tries to help the protagonist escape, only to watch as he falls into the obsessive male lead’s clutches. If my life were such a novel, that would be me. And...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[sumichan]

First thing that comes to mind reading the synopsis; there better be a good reason why he is hiding the fact that he is an omega, and pretending to be not a beta, but an alpha. And why the male lead specifically looked for Le An, and how he knows he is an omega. You don't have to tell us what the reason is just yet, but it better be there and make a lot of sense.

Next, into the story. Axe the prologue. It does nothing, and it just repeats the same stuff you gave me in the synopsis.

In fact, I'll suggest turning the front part of your first chapter into the prologue instead. Most people reading this BL will know about guideverse and omegaverse already, so you wanna give em an option to skip all the exposition.

That also lets you start your first chapter with immediate action. Someone grabbing Le An on the wall. And you don't have to awkwardly explain time passing as he meditates before that happens.

I like everything else except for that. It's only the first and second chapter, so it's difficult to judge, but I think it'll line up with what BL readers typically expect. And the characters interact well. The descriptions work.

Lastly... since I reviewed your novel... sneakily passes over my own BL.

Similar dark vibe to yours, lmao. I'm desperate for reviewers, but you're the first person I've found who is into BL. So...if you have time... maybe we can beta read each other(?)

Best Friend Obsession

Do you know the best friend of the male lead in Boys Love novels? The second male lead who tries to help the protagonist escape, only to watch as he falls into the obsessive male lead’s clutches. If my life were such a novel, that would be me. And...

www.scribblehub.com

Hey, first of all, thank you for all your feedback, it's really motivating to see the story from another eye. I do think that the reason I keep for Le An's hidden secondary gender is sensible, but I didn't set that part as a revelation though, I'll just emphasize it probably. But from the reader point, I see now that it draws attention, so I'll work on it, that was so helpful.

And about setting an introduction about the story's system, yeah, I did think like "am I dilating on it too much?" too. Moving those parts to a prologue is a great idea but, I kind of like that scene's transition from calm to strained. And omegaverse/guideverse settings were too variant in each story I've read so far; so I had doubts whether my version would differ too much from them. So setting that intro was kind of a way for me to say "hey, that's my version of the concept, so you should take the story that way."

Hope it wasn't tiresome though, I often draw criticism for giving too much detail and writing loooong long sentences

And... Dark vibes? Say no more, it always works on me. I'll read your novel at the first chance I got and turn back to you right away . Once again, thanks a bunch!

 

[StoneInky]

Hey, first of all, thank you for all your feedback, it's really motivating to see the story from another eye. I do think that the reason I keep for Le An's hidden secondary gender is sensible, but I didn't set that part as a revelation though, I'll just emphasize it probably. But from the reader point, I see now that it draws attention, so I'll work on it, that was so helpful.

And about setting an introduction about the story's system, yeah, I did think like "am I dilating on it too much?" too. Moving those parts to a prologue is a great idea but, I kind of like that scene's transition from calm to strained. And omegaverse/guideverse settings were too variant in each story I've read so far; so I had doubts whether my version would differ too much from them. So setting that intro was kind of a way for me to say "hey, that's my version of the concept, so you should take the story that way."

Hope it wasn't tiresome though, I often draw criticism for giving too much detail and writing loooong long sentences

And... Dark vibes? Say no more, it always works on me. I'll read your novel at the first chance I got and turn back to you right away . Once again, thanks a bunch!

My story only has three chapters right now, lol. Similar length to yours, too.

And sure, leaving in the exposition is definitely a choice. It was just a minor thing anyway, and it's not badly written.

...But I'll be honest. On second read, the story looks more and more as if it were edited by an AI. I didn't want to assume, and I thought it was just a small tone issue that I shouldn't bring up, but it feels more obvious now. Something is weird.

Did you use AI? Or is it just me being stupid?

 

[sumichan]

My story only has three chapters right now, lol. Similar length to yours, too.

And sure, leaving in the exposition is definitely a choice. It was just a minor thing anyway, and it's not badly written.

...But I'll be honest. On second read, the story looks more and more as if it were edited by an AI. I didn't want to assume, and I thought it was just a small tone issue that I shouldn't bring up, but it feels more obvious now. Something is weird.

Did you use AI? Or is it just me being stupid?

I didn't use AI... Does it really look that way, which parts gave you the idea?

Well... I only use Grammarly to correct my grammar issues or to place better-fitting words that I don't use much btw. That could be the reason. But other than that, it's my writing. And thank you for bringing that up, that's why I wanted to look for reviews in the first place.

 

[StoneInky]

I didn't use AI... Does it really look that way, which parts gave you the idea?

Well... I only use Grammarly to correct my grammar issues or to place better-fitting words that I don't use much btw. That could be the reason. But other than that, it's my writing. And thank you for bringing that up, that's why I wanted to look for reviews in the first place.

Eh, I don't even know what to call it. That's why I tried not to mention it in the first place. It feels like there's tone and style mismatch going everywhere, and your narrative voice shifts(?) from one to another.

That, and it feels like your story knows what it wants to say, and so it structures itself, but you don't know how to weave it together. Instead you stick sentences like building blocks and hope it works.

I dunno how to even fix this sort of thing. It's not a word problem. Your descriptions and dialogue are good individually, and the details hold up under scrutiny. It's just that they feel... hollow. The bricks are good, and they're in the shape of a house, but there's no glue holding it together.

That's why I suggested cutting off the exposition—if you start from the action, it may help kinda unify the entire scene, so that it doesn't feel awkward and mismatched anymore. But if it's an AI editing problem, that wouldn't be the core issue. Well, if you're writing it yourself, maybe it's just a weird coincidence. I still dunno how exactly to fix it, though. Maybe through more diverse descriptions? Unified descriptions. Make lists of the habits and characteristics of every character, and keep em in mind. That might help.

 

[sumichan]

I got what you mean, it's probably because at each scene (and even each paragraph) I tend to think first in my native language and then translate what I want to say the best way I can. And I'll consider yoır all suggestions while editing and writing. That "building blocks" part, I kind of feel it too whenever I write. Ugh... I'll do my best! ?

 

[sumichan]

First thing that comes to mind reading the synopsis; there better be a good reason why he is hiding the fact that he is an omega, and pretending to be not a beta, but an alpha. And why the male lead specifically looked for Le An, and how he knows he is an omega. You don't have to tell us what the reason is just yet, but it better be there and make a lot of sense.

Next, into the story. Axe the prologue. It does nothing, and it just repeats the same stuff you gave me in the synopsis.

In fact, I'll suggest turning the front part of your first chapter into the prologue instead. Most people reading this BL will know about guideverse and omegaverse already, so you wanna give em an option to skip all the exposition.

That also lets you start your first chapter with immediate action. Someone grabbing Le An on the wall. And you don't have to awkwardly explain time passing as he meditates before that happens.

I like everything else except for that. It's only the first and second chapter, so it's difficult to judge, but I think it'll line up with what BL readers typically expect. And the characters interact well. The descriptions work.

Lastly... since I reviewed your novel... sneakily passes over my own BL.

Similar dark vibe to yours, lmao. I'm desperate for reviewers, but you're the first person I've found who is into BL. So...if you have time... maybe we can beta read each other(?)

Best Friend Obsession

Do you know the best friend of the male lead in Boys Love novels? The second male lead who tries to help the protagonist escape, only to watch as he falls into the obsessive male lead’s clutches. If my life were such a novel, that would be me. And...

www.scribblehub.com

Hey again, I read your work yesterday but I was quite busy, so I can write to you only now. First of all, I assume things will get darker with more chapters because so far... I enjoyed reading your novel and laughed many times. As a bl lover, I'm accustomed to reading dark and dramatic novels so that's why I probably expected something with more dramatic vibes, but the synopsis gives away the clue that things will escalate.

I like how you directly started with action and dialogue. And with only a few paragraphs, you did a really good job giving the clues needed already at the start. And... I really like your style, you write with a distinct comedic undertone and it's easy to feel eager to read more and more. Since you advised me to start with the action for my novel, I see the impact of it on your story, which is quite good.

I really believe in writer styles and all differentiations between storytelling, I think that's what makes each person's story-telling unique. There are always thousands of ways to tell a story differently, so I'll be refraining myself from saying things like "how about doing this instead of this?"

All I could say is, although starting with a well-detailed action scene is good, it might kind of seem like a start "out of the blue", like the story and protagonist just landed abruptly in front of the reader. Some readers love it, some don't. I am at the side to tend to form a bond with the protagonist and his goals at first, that's because I feel more immersed in the story that way. Your protagonist feels like he already has a firm grip on the upcoming plot, as though he already had a deal with his best friend and we've joined his side from the middle, not from the start. Again, that's a way to start, I must say. But reading his point of view made me feel like reading also the storyteller's view. Like... he's above the plot at some point and he's the storyteller which is detached from the protagonist's emotional or mental processes. I couldn't exactly explain. It could be my passion for detailed monologues tho , so you can ignore it.

Yeah, that's all I guess. I like the plot, the pace is nice and the dialogues are very well written, I enjoyed it. Also I like how all characters are different and "not typical". Keep up the good work, I'll continue to read!

 

[StoneInky]

That's valid. I was concerned it might feel confusing and abrupt too, but I didn't know how to fix it. Maybe I'll add a prologue(?) I'll think on that, and how to get the plot to be 'darker'.

The detachment was done on purpose, though. I'll take care to make sure that feels more obvious, and it doesn't bleed into later chapters. Ty.