I’m not sure what to choose

[Nhatduongg]

So I decided to rewrite my main novel and one of the thing that got rewritten first was the synopsis. But then, I reread my old one and it looked fine enough.

So, I don’t know which one sounds more catchy, you have any idea?

Old:
Magic used to only exist in the higher realms and, by a god’s mistake, had appeared down the Overworld. The sudden increase in Mana particles has resulted in disasters across the universe. Now that the Mana has become stable, almost every life in the Overworld had been granted the ability to use magic.
This is a story about a lazy person. First, he is known for being a genius scientist, then an Arena Breaker, then a friend of the Supreme Leader, then… The more things people discovered about him, the more of a mystery he became. Now they wondered why a person like him stayed hidden. Those who wondered was one of the few people that knew a fraction of his truth.
Yet, that person was very simple. Ignore what people knew and what they wanted to know. His only desire was to sleep through the day. He will use everything he has to secure a good sleep time without being bothered.

New:
Throughout history, Human has always been proud of their achievements.
With their first stone spear to their sharp iron blades, they battle the king of animals. With their guns and nuclear weapons, they changed their planet’s landscapes. With submarines and spaceships, they explored every parts of the world and reached out to the vast space. With confidence, they sent out information about them into the universe.
Big mistake, they should’ve been more patient, build up their civilization a bit more then start broadcasting their existence. The Vaha Empire came to Earth and crushed it all, their armor blocked .50 Cal, missiles left no scratch on their ships, nuclear weapons could damage their shields, but there were too few.
Every country surrendered in less than a week, Earth became Vaha Empire’s colony. For a thousand year Humans were either caught into the Empire to work as slaves or died in battles as captured soldiers, those who lucky enough to be stayed on Earth were heavily suppressed.
But, one time, a strange phenomenon happened and changed the entire universe. It granted Human a new weapon to counter the Empire’s technology.
That new toy that Human got was: Magic.

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

I am still a nooblet with the synopsis, but from what I learned. People like simple ones.

They both look very wordy and somewhat intimidating to look at for me.

I also learned to put questions in the sypnosis to hook the reader into wanting to know more. Like at the end add a What will happen senerio question. Like will x and so live?!?

So I would say, rework it to something simpler + add a question.

Something better imo is something like this. It leaves the reader to wonder how it happened and less explanation. Someone told me: Put nothing I am going to read on it. So the less explanatory, the better.

Throughout history, Human has always been proud of their achievements.

With confidence, they sent out information about them into the universe.

Big mistake, they should’ve been more patient, build up their civilization.

The Vaha Empire came to Earth and crushed it all.

Every country surrendered in less than a week, Earth became Vaha Empire’s colony.

A strange phenomenon happened and changed the entire universe. It granted Human a new weapon to counter the Empire’s technology.

That new toy that Human got was: Magic.

*insert questions*

Everyone does synopsis differently, though. And I just used your words without knowing the story, per se. Maybe it can be better, but this is a nooblet trying to help ya out~

 

[Nhatduongg]

I am still a nooblet with the synopsis, but from what I learned. People like simple ones.

They both look very wordy and somewhat intimidating to look at for me.

I also learned to put questions in the sypnosis to hook the reader into wanting to know more. Like at the end add a What will happen senerio question. Like will x and so live?!?

So I would say, rework it to something simpler + add a question.

Something better imo is something like this. It leaves the reader to wonder how it happened and less explanation. Someone told me: Put nothing I am going to read on it. So the less explanatory, the better.

Throughout history, Human has always been proud of their achievements.

With confidence, they sent out information about them into the universe.

Big mistake, they should’ve been more patient, build up their civilization.

The Vaha Empire came to Earth and crushed it all.

Every country surrendered in less than a week, Earth became Vaha Empire’s colony.

A strange phenomenon happened and changed the entire universe. It granted Human a new weapon to counter the Empire’s technology.

That new toy that Human got was: Magic.

*insert questions*

Everyone does synopsis differently, though. And I just used your words without knowing the story, per se. Maybe it can be better, but this is a nooblet trying to help ya out~

Please wait I’m making another one.

Like because this is my main novel and it contains so much information.

This is a synopsis for my other story that’s short as heck:

The story of a girl and her robot trying to survive on a spaceship. Its crews got killed by monsters.
The original goal of the ship was a planet which a signal originates.
The girl will continue the ship’s journey; will she reach its destination?

And yes it followed the same template as you just said, but somehow I can’t do it for my main.

 

[Snusmumriken]

The synopsis is your advertisement for the story. Optimistically it should tell the possible reader what to expect in this story(imagine as if you don't have tags to describe it). While also describing the author's style just a tiny bit.

Granted here you can use the tags and as such, the synopsis doesn't have to be that descriptive, but it never hurts, especially if some of the tags are too general for your story.

You don't need to insert questions in the synopsis. you need to insert questions into the reader's mind with your synopsis. Questions that the story would undoubtedly resolve - you just have to start reading it...*wink* *wink*

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

Please wait I’m making another one.

Like because this is my main novel and it contains so much information.

This is a synopsis for my other story that’s short as heck:

The story of a girl and her robot trying to survive on a spaceship. Its crews got killed by monsters.
The original goal of the ship was a planet which a signal originates.
The girl will continue the ship’s journey; will she reach its destination?

And yes it followed the same template as you just said, but somehow I can’t do it for my main.

A story's length should not influence the simplicity of the sypnosis. As long as you send them directed at something, it should be fine imo. I mean there are people who write a biography from what I have seen. But I liked the fact I could keep it simple.

For example, mine is atm is 160k words with 31 chapters. But I just gave an overview of what to expect in the story. People here actually helped me, though their advice was confusing to me at some points.

That synopsis to me is okaish. You set the setting and where it is directed. The girl and a robot are trying to survive on a spaceship. We also know monsters murdered the crew.

Though being a better question would be imo,

Also, does the girl have a name?

Like for me at least... I will invent a name.

A spaceship was out exploring an unknown signal, hoping to find where it originated from.

But before they could arrive, unknown creatures attacked them! They murdered most of the crew!

All but Grace and her trusty robot.

Will she reach her destination? Or will she fall prey to these horrors?

This is how I write, though. As I said, everyone has a style, and you have to find yours. Though, my fellow on top is right. You don't need a question, but for me, it is easier to do so. It helps hook the reader, especially when you suck at writing sypnosis like me.

Edit *I just noticed it might sound like I said you suck at writing sypnosis, but I really just mean people like me.*

 

[LilTV1155]

The old one is way more interesting the new one. However, I doubt the creation of magic after all that chemical exposure from nuclear and wars stuffs. That would be more of ESP, PK, mutant, or psychic abilities.

 

[RepresentingCaution]

This is a story about a lazy person. First, he is known for being a genius scientist, then an Arena Breaker, then a friend of the Supreme Leader, then… The more things people discovered about him, the more of a mystery he became. Now they wondered why a person like him stayed hidden. Those who wondered was one of the few people that knew a fraction of his truth.
Yet, that person was very simple. Ignore what people knew and what they wanted to know. His only desire was to sleep through the day. He will use everything he has to secure a good sleep time without being bothered.

“Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.”​

― Robert Heinlein

 

[Nhatduongg]

“Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.”​

― Robert Heinlein

Well my MC just went and invented some superweapons because he’s too lazy to actually cast spells.

 

[MissPaige36]

A story's length should not influence the simplicity of the sypnosis. As long as you send them directed at something, it should be fine imo. I mean there are people who write a biography from what I have seen. But I liked the fact I could keep it simple.

For example, mine is atm is 160k words with 31 chapters. But I just gave an overview of what to expect in the story. People here actually helped me, though their advice was confusing to me at some points.

That synopsis to me is okaish. You set the setting and where it is directed. The girl and a robot are trying to survive on a spaceship. We also know monsters murdered the crew.

Though being a better question would be imo,

Also, does the girl have a name?

Like for me at least... I will invent a name.

A spaceship was out exploring an unknown signal, hoping to find where it originated from.

But before they could arrive, unknown creatures attacked them! They murdered most of the crew!

All but Grace and her trusty robot.

Will she reach her destination? Or will she fall prey to these horrors?

This is how I write, though. As I said, everyone has a style, and you have to find yours. Though, my fellow on top is right. You don't need a question, but for me, it is easier to do so. It helps hook the reader, especially when you suck at writing sypnosis like me.

Edit *I just noticed it might sound like I said you suck at writing sypnosis, but I really just mean people like me.*

Nah, you’re giving good advice, if the other person misunderstands, it really can’t be helped.

 

[Nhatduongg]

A story's length should not influence the simplicity of the sypnosis. As long as you send them directed at something, it should be fine imo. I mean there are people who write a biography from what I have seen. But I liked the fact I could keep it simple.

For example, mine is atm is 160k words with 31 chapters. But I just gave an overview of what to expect in the story. People here actually helped me, though their advice was confusing to me at some points.

That synopsis to me is okaish. You set the setting and where it is directed. The girl and a robot are trying to survive on a spaceship. We also know monsters murdered the crew.

Though being a better question would be imo,

Also, does the girl have a name?

Like for me at least... I will invent a name.

A spaceship was out exploring an unknown signal, hoping to find where it originated from.

But before they could arrive, unknown creatures attacked them! They murdered most of the crew!

All but Grace and her trusty robot.

Will she reach her destination? Or will she fall prey to these horrors?

This is how I write, though. As I said, everyone has a style, and you have to find yours. Though, my fellow on top is right. You don't need a question, but for me, it is easier to do so. It helps hook the reader, especially when you suck at writing sypnosis like me.

Edit *I just noticed it might sound like I said you suck at writing sypnosis, but I really just mean people like me.*

That’s fine, I mean. I started writing without even thinking of a synopsis (and yes it’s LONG). Only when I posted I noticed I have to make one. That’s when my mind went like ‘How the f**k do I squeeze those information into it?’

The old one is way more interesting the new one. However, I doubt the creation of magic after all that chemical exposure from nuclear and wars stuffs. That would be more of ESP, PK, mutant, or psychic abilities.

Well read my signature, it’s a mix of sci fi and fantasy.

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

That’s fine, I mean. I started writing without even thinking of a synopsis (and yes it’s LONG). Only when I posted I noticed I have to make one. That’s when my mind went like ‘How the f**k do I squeeze those information into it?’

Happens to me too. Lol, I write a book before I get to the sypnosis.

But what I do is I try to guide the reader where it's headed instead of regurgitating information on their face.
*You should have seen my first one it was a solid block of text, and I realized I was just staying too much in it. I was literally narrating the story in my sypnosis.*

Just bring a basic idea of what the book is and stay simple that way you don't overload your brain.

If it is about a guy inventing stuff, then say that and tell the reader where the story will be headed...
Like will he become famous!?! And win the price?

But yeah, you can also keep it like that. If you would like~

 

[Nhatduongg]

Update: So I reworked both of the synopsis to a simplified version. What do you think?

Reworked old:
Magic only existed in higher realms until a god dropped it down to our world by mistake. Because of that, every life form in the Overworld was registered in the Celestia system.
Our protagonist was a lazy person, yet full of secrets. People always tried to investigate him, but the more they find, the more mysterious he became.
What is he actually hiding besides his sleeping schedule?

Reworked new:
Throughout history, Human has always been proud of their achievements.
By gaining full control over their planet, they started broadcasting their existence to outer space, but that’s a big mistake. The Empire came to Earth and destroyed everything, every country surrendered in less than a week.
The Empire put Earth under its rule for a thousand years, until a strange phenomenon happened and changed the whole universe, the appearance of Magic.
What did the Human do in order to take their independence back? What would they do afterwards?

 

[Snusmumriken]

First of all. All these reworks and you are still using a singular Human? Also why it is capitalized? Also - problem with tenses: "that's a big mistake" - "that's" is short for "that is" and "more they find"

I feel like both are vastly different now and don't really describe the same story. If you are writing about one person the old is more apt while if you are writing about a group or an entire community then the latter.

the old is a standard cookie-cutter synopsis of the "everyone got powers" story so it will attract the diehard fans of that genre at least, but the MC description is....vague and redundant. Describing MC as lazy and mysterious because he is mysterious and lazy doesn't really make me interested that much.

the new has the issue of a double setting - you spend half on describing scifi story plot then you jump to the side and start telling a completely different storyline. If it is about the suddenly magical world you shouldn't have spent that much time writing about it being conquered a looong time ago, just start that it is currently conquered and suddenly magic.

 

[Nhatduongg]

First of all. All these reworks and you are still using a singular Human? Also why it is capitalized?

Good question. It’s a feature of my novels. I’m referring to Human as a whole race. I do the same with everything else: Elf, Landmermaid, Shura, Beastman, Vahaian, Lizardman,… even Goblin.

I feel like both are vastly different now and don't really describe the same story. If you are writing about one person the old is more apt while if you are writing about a group or an entire community then the latter.

the old is a standard cookie-cutter synopsis of the "everyone got powers" story so it will attract the diehard fans of that genre at least, but the MC description is....vague and redundant. Describing MC as lazy and mysterious because he is mysterious and lazy doesn't really make me interested that much.

the new has the issue of a double setting - you spend half on describing scifi story plot then you jump to the side and start telling a completely different storyline. If it is about the suddenly magical world you shouldn't have spent that much time writing about it being conquered a looong time ago, just start that it is currently conquered and suddenly magic.

Good idea, thanks.

 

[Snusmumriken]

You are still mixing singular and plural.

And if you are saying that you want to use an uncountable form for an already established countable noun - you aren't that popular enough to warp the English language so blatantly.

 

[Nhatduongg]

You are still mixing singular and plural.

And if you are saying that you want to use an uncountable form for an already established countable noun - you aren't that popular enough to warp the English language so blatantly.

Well umm, it’s not like that, let me take an example:
“Eh? You’re a lizardman? How cute.” Said Rei.
and:
“Those Humans! How dare they! Call our entire army here!” Said the Westine kingdom queen.

So… My mistake for mixing plural and singular, I actually only wanted to capitalize the letter in some cases (maybe I might change that in the rewrite anyway).

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Good question. It’s a feature of my novels. I’m referring to Human as a whole race. I do the same with everything else: Elf, Landmermaid, Shura, Beastman, Vahaian, Lizardman,… even Goblin.

If you are referring to human as a whole race, it would be humans. Its not referring to an individual but a whole race or group, so it would be plural.

The elves, the dragons, the humans...

 

[Nhatduongg]

If you are referring to human as a whole race, it would be humans. Its not referring to an individual but a whole race or group, so it would be plural.

The elves, the dragons, the humans...

Ok, my stupid English, I haven’t realized that for uhh… ten years.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Ok, my stupid English, I haven’t realized that for uhh… ten years.

Its alright. It gets better with practice. Even native English speakers/writers have grammar issues.

 

[Nhatduongg]

Nothing, might be the final remake:
The Vaha Empire came to invade Earth.
For a thousand years, they put Earth under their rule.
But one day, a strange phenomenon happened and changed the whole universe: the appearance of Magic, and the introduction of the Celestia system.
How did the humans use the new power to take their independence back? What did they do after gaining it?