How would it feel having conflicting signals?

[CheertheSecond]

My character is a prince he had very close relationship with the current new ruler from childhood till teenage years.

Knowing he is the only one who can legally and officially challenge the throne in a traditional duel for kinghood, the bad guys kidnapped and brainwashed him to make him hate the ruler. After 6 years of such a life, he developed an actual hatred for the ruler due to all the brainwashing.

When he was finally saved and the bad guys were apprehended, he was told that everything was a lie. His mother and younger brother were not killed by the ruler but by the bad guys. His mother sacrificed herself to protect the 2 of them while his younger brother couldn't handle the brainwashing and died. Meanwhile, the ruler and his regime had conducted a multi-continents wide search for him all these years. The ones he thought were his allies were his archnemesis. While he had been training all this time to kill the ones he actually cherishes and also love him.

The brainwashing was so bad that it can not be removed at all and even knowing the truth, his instinct was hacked so badly it is still considering the ruler his enemy. He was torn apart by two feelings: the knowledge of the truth and the internal instinct developed by the brainwashing. He felt so disgusted and heartbroken that his instinct always tried to kill tempt him into killing his last relative. After multiple occasions of saving the prince from his suicidal attempts, they decided to remove his memory all together and let him live under a new identity, being hopeful that time will change everything.

 

[Woolen_Monkey]

Would he still not have the urge to kill the ruler? Sounds like the background of a revolutionary.

It would feel like being torn from the inside out—like ants swarming within your guts, eating away at you as you wait for the sweet release of death. So close you can smell her rotting breath, feel her frozen presence—yet always out of reach, as you sit and wait for an end that may never come.

Every attempt to escape would be overwhelming. For the ones I bear the weight for, for the ones I shoulder the stone for—FOR HIM! I SUFFER A PAIN I DIDN’T ASK FOR! WHY DOES HE LET ME SUFFER?!

The pain would only grow with time. I would try anything to relieve myself of it. He deserves it. I’m like this because of him. It’s his fault! Why should only I suffer?

Why me? Why me? Why me? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Like a young tree against the wind, my roots too shallow to keep me strong. I would simply stop responding. Stop crying. Stop everything in an attempt to soften the pain.

I would live—but I would never be me again. And I would never forgive the ruler for letting me suffer. Even if it wasn’t their fault, I would blame them just to help myself survive.

Though I have no idea what would happen if you erased my memories after that.