Your paragraphs are too clumped up. Dialogue and speaker notes should be their own paragraphs.
Example from your story:
“Dare to speak to the master like this, you traitor? Haven't you surrendered yet? Huh, you damn…..” yelled a man in a red robe without finishing his head land on the ground. Seeing this, the people stepped backward and felt the danger of him. An old man who might be an elder suddenly looked to the middle-aged man and said, “Is that your disciple who will be the next sect master? Look now at what a beast you raised. I already stopped you from teaching him forbidden techniques, and yet you stubbornly taught him even your secret techniques. Now how will you handle it?”
“Dare to speak to the master like this, you traitor? Haven't you surrendered yet? Huh, you damn…..” yelled a man in a red robe without finishing his head land on the ground.
Seeing this, the people stepped backward and felt the danger of him.
An old man who might be an elder suddenly looked to the middle-aged man and said, “Is that your disciple who will be the next sect master? Look now at what a beast you raised. I already stopped you from teaching him forbidden techniques, and yet you stubbornly taught him even your secret techniques. Now how will you handle it?”
See? Definitely looks more pleasing to the reader's eye. Also, the spaces between your paragraphs are too long. I checked and it was about four spaces long on Arial size 12 font in Google Docs--Some of the spaces between your paragraphs aren't consistent, either.
I've also noticed that you've placed two different speakers in the same paragraph. I recommend using a professional AI to correct your work.
You should also look at professional web novel authors' (recommended, Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint.. wink wink) writing and use them as an example. Other novice authors also use consistent spacing and paragraphs etc. You can look at some examples from this story:
Min-Jun is someone who used to live an easy, lazy life. He was forced to participate in the academy again to train his magic. With constant struggles in his family’s financial situation and keeping his body healthy, more troubles were added onto his worries as he tries to live...
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