Help me choose my book blurb

[Representing_Tromba]

Like a lot of books that involve dark themes, mine will have a warning for those reading. However, I wish to add a sense of humor to lighten the mood after the "read at your own discretion" warning. My current blurb is this:

I am reaching out to the SHF for ideas. If you would be so kind as to offer blurbs similar to the style above, that would be awesome. Though I want SHF to help choose. In 5 days, I will take all the ideas that have 1 or more reactions and put them in a poll. The chosen blurb may be put in the book as I have another group of people coming up with blurbs as well. There are a few rules though.

1. No sexual blurbs(my grandma wants a copy and I do not want that to be the first thing she reads.)
2. No foul language, please
   Spoiler: Examples

   : fuck, damn, damnit, cunt, twat, wank, wanker, bitch, etc.
3. Nothing that could get me canceled, please... I beg of you.

Thank you and have fun with this. I can already tell that this will become a bad idea.

 

[Raymann]

I think you already got one.??

//CONTENT WARNING//
Reader discretion is advised.
My grandma wants a copy of this book and I do not want that order to be cancelled.

Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 84247]

Please don't let your goat eat this book, or it will be used for ritual sacrifice by a horror beyond your comprehension.

Thank you.

 

[georgelee5786]

Please do not consume this book, cover it with occult symbols drawn with your own blood, or, worse, start a cult around it and launch a jihad.

Thank you to all but the people who made me have to put this here.

 

[HelloHound]

Please do not read this book to elementary schoolers unless you want them to grow up cooler than you, or pay for their therapy bills
Hi grandma!

 

[melchi]

You could put a mister yuk sticker on it.

 

[MintiLime]

Please read at your own risk.

Due to the sensitive nature of the contents, this book would not be suitable for papier-mâché or blackout poetry.

While it is not suitable to use as a children’s bedtime story, it is age appropriate for knitting groups.

Thank You

 

[Deleted member 84247]

Please do not read this book to elementary schoolers unless you want them to grow up cooler than you, or pay for their therapy bills
Hi grandma!

This has the same energy as: