Feedback For Brazilian Writter XD

[blightmansion]

Hi, here I am again :V

I need some help with feedback on one of my new projects, regarding writing/translation.

I originally wrote it on Wattpad in PT/BR but I'm migrating here to do a partial translation and try my luck on a different platform.

If you're interested, I'd like a review, so here's the synopsis:

"

In Eswain, one of the cities where progress is at its peak, technological development and advancements in magical studies go hand in hand. But not everyone living there enjoys the same privileges.​

​

Aidan and Sophie, raised together in Eswain’s underworld, survive in their own way—by stealing technology and other valuable items from the wealthier, more privileged parts of the nation.​

​

However, they catch the attention of a highly influential figure. But instead of being prosecuted and punished, fate had other plans for the two of them...​

"
Story Link:
(Double Trouble)

 

[Gallahart]

Nice to see another BR trying his hand in writing in English. Are you doing the translation by yourself? I‘ll definitely take a look at the novel as soon as I get back home from work.

Boa sorte escrevendo teu role ai.

 

[blightmansion]

Nice to see another BR trying his hand in writing in English. Are you doing the translation by yourself? I‘ll definitely take a look at the novel as soon as I get back home from work.

Boa sorte escrevendo teu role ai.

Lol another brazillian here? XD

The translation is partial since I transcribe from Wattpad to here, as I do with other projects of my authorship, so there may be some mistakes on my part and some corrections that I used with an online translator, but that I will gradually adapt to fit better.

(A tradução é parcial ja´que transcrevo do Wattpad para cá, assim como faço com outros projetos de minha autoria, então pode ter alguns erros da minha parte e alguns acertos que usei com tradutor online, mas que aos poucos vou adaptando para se encaixar melhor.)

 

[Gallahart]

Lol another brazillian here? XD

The translation is partial since I transcribe from Wattpad to here, as I do with other projects of my authorship, so there may be some mistakes on my part and some corrections that I used with an online translator, but that I will gradually adapt to fit better.

(A tradução é parcial ja´que transcrevo do Wattpad para cá, assim como faço com outros projetos de minha autoria, então pode ter alguns erros da minha parte e alguns acertos que usei com tradutor online, mas que aos poucos vou adaptando para se encaixar melhor.)

I read the first two chapters, sorry, I wish I had more time. I liked it, I like the setting, I like Sophie, her interaction with Aidan.
Your Portuguese version is much better than the english one, that’s clear to me, but the English version is not bad. Just a little bland? Maybe your translator is taking away a little of your writing style there. But keep up dude.

(Outra coisa, em inglês você não precisa de travessões no começo das linhas com falas! Acho que vai ficar melhor e mais limpo o texto se tirar elas.)

 

[blightmansion]

I read the first two chapters, sorry, I wish I had more time. I liked it, I like the setting, I like Sophie, her interaction with Aidan.
Your Portuguese version is much better than the english one, that’s clear to me, but the English version is not bad. Just a little bland? Maybe your translator is taking away a little of your writing style there. But keep up dude.

(Outra coisa, em inglês você não precisa de travessões no começo das linhas com falas! Acho que vai ficar melhor e mais limpo o texto se tirar elas.)

Noted, see if I can make such a change soon, I usually use dashes because of the Portuguese version and I can understand that the English version ends up taking away the meaning of certain scenes.

(Notei esse problema em Revolution of Healer do qual @Vaku_sensei está traduzindo no momento, muitas cenas acabam perdendo um certo sentido e as interações não são tão "orgânicas" (não sei se é a palavra adequada) as vezes por conta da mudança para o inglês, muitas expressões perdem o sentido, assim como as interações)

I read the first two chapters, sorry, I wish I had more time. I liked it, I like the setting, I like Sophie, her interaction with Aidan.
Your Portuguese version is much better than the english one, that’s clear to me, but the English version is not bad. Just a little bland? Maybe your translator is taking away a little of your writing style there. But keep up dude.

(Outra coisa, em inglês você não precisa de travessões no começo das linhas com falas! Acho que vai ficar melhor e mais limpo o texto se tirar elas.)

(Aliás, na última linha tive dificuldade em encontrar uma palavra adequada, afinal, teria um sentido completamente deturpado no inglês se é que entende XD)

No mais agradeço pela atenção :)