So nitpicking?
Synopsis:
"Life, station, circumstance and collateral have hardly ever mattered" Rule of three. four can be used as an outlier but I would expect that in the bulk of a story to highlight something, not in the first paragraph of the synopsis.
"Arcturus' ambition was so otherworldly
, his former acquaintances called his dreams lunacy" comma for a complex sentence.
"What he knows can now be his oyster." This is technically telling me his own knowledge is his oyster? which is kind of a tautology since your knowledge is by default beholden to you. It might have some underlying meaning but from the synopsis alone it feels off, compared to vague but more direct statements above it.
Overall: A bit wordy for my own taste - feels more like a short prologue rather than a synopsis, especially with three paragraphs spend on setting alone. But otherwise, the message is clear
Ch. 1:
- The way you described that village and specifically the autonomy of it makes me think it is closer to a town rather than a village.
- as he tied his horses to the fir - you have reins wrangling later but this implies a completed act - perhaps "was tying" would fit a bit better.
- Nights of sleeplessness to work at decoding the endless ciphers, the mages of old so loved to write with - comma, complex sentence again.
- It felt as though he had learned so little, made so little progress, but then every time he remembered his roots. - this transition is off, the meaning of the first part and the second part are rather separate and the transition isn't up to par to deliver it properly.
- It was too late to go back now, he was eons ahead of even their theories now, - You have repetition and the colon would probably be better here than the comma as the second part expands on the first.
- Hells, it would likely enthuse them just to taunt him for daring to suggest a return. - comma, also return is a repetition from previous sentence and can be easily dropped.
- the reins in his hand almost jerked him off his balance - how tight is he tying the horse? if he is tying horses in the forest/copse then they are usually tied with a much longer rope to allow them to rest and feed off the ground. This feels like he is tying the horse to a hitching post instead.
- His eyes bulged as the reins in his hand almost jerked him off his balance, dragging him back to the present from his thoughts, and he glared off at his beast as he caught himself - long and run-on, by the end of it the timing is hard to easily place.
- The stallion snorted as if to taunt him through its ignorance - this last part is hard to read. i know what it implies but it took me two reads to properly grasp the meaning.
- His eyes bulged as the reins in his hand almost jerked him off his balance, dragging him back to the present from his thoughts, and he glared off at his beast as he caught himself. The stallion snorted as if to taunt him through its ignorance as he finished the knot, his face finally cracking into amusement, "You would find it funny. Throwing me off my game now of all times." - I highlighted all the "he" pronouns to show you how many you managed to squeeze into two sentences.
- Animals lack the nuance to speak - not sure if the present tense here is a good idea.
- After that he double-checked his weapons, or rather a/the weapon,
- Satisfied that he would never be more ready
- He felt his brow furrow - unnecessary and rather odd
Overall: Good first chapter. Concentrates on the MC and shows us his inner world without delving too deep into information that we don't really need. Personally - too short, but for SH looks to be a decent size, and dense enough not to feel incomplete. The hook is on a weaker side since it is talked about very obliquely in the synopsis and the chapter so it doesn't work as well as it could. Currently your major retention would be through tags and the style of your writing rather than the hook itself.
www.scribblehub.com
