Can you please take a look at my novel and tell me what you think? It's a fantasy

[reverof]

I've released a new novel and I'm in need for some feedback, any and all opinions are welcomed, thanks in advance~
Link:

The Hidden Seed

In a faraway corner of Tellor, Susan was running from Forest's Edge, the village she spent her whole life in. Entering the place she feared the most, the aptly named Beasts' Forest, one of the most dangerous areas in the world, something she never thought she would ever do. She...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[SakeVision]

Read the blurb.

STOP.

Let's look at this sentence.

In a faraway corner of Tellor, Susan was running from Forest's Edge, the village she spent her whole life in, entering the place she feared the most, the aptly named Beasts' Forest, one of the most dangerous areas in the world, something she never thought she would ever do, running from the guards who suddenly started attacking everyone she knew indiscriminately.

What da heck. Why is it so long? You can separate it into several smaller ones. Overly long sentences are offputting.

 

[reverof]

Read the blurb.

STOP.

Let's look at this sentence.

In a faraway corner of Tellor, Susan was running from Forest's Edge, the village she spent her whole life in, entering the place she feared the most, the aptly named Beasts' Forest, one of the most dangerous areas in the world, something she never thought she would ever do, running from the guards who suddenly started attacking everyone she knew indiscriminately.

What da heck. Why is it so long? You can separate it into several smaller ones. Overly long sentences are offputting.

That's actually the best synopsis I could come up with, I wrote it then rewrote so much to make it at least this good???‍

And I put it this way because it's separated into three sections, the first about the girl, Susan, second about the man Adam and third about the main plot somehow

 

[greyblob]

There are some run ons and typos. Grammarly should be enough to catch those, so I'd recommend using it.
There is a severe case of telling and not showing. There were almost no descriptions whatsoever.

Certain words are repeated too often.

Then her dad, her mom and her little sister all died while trying to reach the forest.

The forest was a dangerous place at night because of all the monsters that inhabited it. Even soldiers wouldn't dare get close to it at that time.

And so, the villagers were trapped between the soldiers and the forest.

And there she was, running inside a forest she never dared to get close to.

Sentences could use some complexity too.
Finally, you're using two different POVs: Deep third and narrative third. I'd advise on sticking to one, especially considering you keep switching character POVs which can be both confusing and irritating at times.
Edit: you're using three POVs actually, I forgot to mention the omniscient narration.

 

[reverof]

There are some run ons and typos. Grammarly should be enough to catch those, so I'd recommend using it.
There is a severe case of telling and not showing. There were almost no descriptions whatsoever.

Certain words are repeated too often.

Sentences could use some complexity too.
Finally, you're using two different POVs: Deep third and narrative third. I'd advise on sticking to one, especially considering you keep switching character POVs which can be both confusing and irritating at times.
Edit: you're using three POVs actually, I forgot to mention the omniscient narrati

There are some run ons and typos. Grammarly should be enough to catch those, so I'd recommend using it.
There is a severe case of telling and not showing. There were almost no descriptions whatsoever.

Certain words are repeated too often.

Sentences could use some complexity too.
Finally, you're using two different POVs: Deep third and narrative third. I'd advise on sticking to one, especially considering you keep switching character POVs which can be both confusing and irritating at times.
Edit: you're using three POVs actually, I forgot to mention the omniscient narration.

Thanks a lot, I'll try to work on that, povs can be really confusing at times?‍