Can someone please give me a feedback?

[Suman_Mgr]

I am in confusion to whether quit writing my novel or not. In my opinion, my novel is just bland and lifeless. So, I want some opinions about my novel and which aspects I should focus on to improve myself.

The fallen king

Once the greatest king in the world, now a dead person. He, who is nothing more than a son of a powerful noble, will create his own path, his own future.

www.scribblehub.com

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

I am in confusion to whether quit writing my novel or not. In my opinion, my novel is just bland and lifeless. So, I want some opinions about my novel and which aspects I should focus on to improve myself.

The fallen king

Once the greatest king in the world, now a dead person. He, who is nothing more than a son of a powerful noble, will create his own path, his own future.

www.scribblehub.com

It's in third person, and I don't read those since for some reason I can't connect with characters from that point of view, but...

If you don't find it fun and exciting when you write then maybe why not come up with another idea? I am not one to say since my writing is mediocre at best but I think you should enjoy writing your story. If you don't then that may be with it feels lifeless.

Example, I love writing every chapter of my stories. And always start off by writing for yourself. Like is it a story I enjoy? Or it is a bore that I won't be motivated to finish.

Before I post anything, I like to finish a rough draft of the completed story. And there I post and fix things with the feedback. I get.

But am just talking about you, not the story. I hope some one helps you with it, though. Also find/make a cover for your story.

 

[Snusmumriken]

I've read the 1st chapter.

it feels like you are still not sure where the story would lead to.

You started from a lot of unnecessary descriptions and your focus in the entire chapter jumps from one person to the other without really confirming who is the story all about.

There are many details I could point out but what you really need to focus on first is to figure out what the story is really about and try to show that direction in the first chapter.

If the chapter is about the boy then start off with his emotions and preferably stay with him through the entire chapter. If it is about the army then start with warriors, to begin with.

 

[Suman_Mgr]

I guess you are right. I also felt like you in the beginning.

I've read the 1st chapter.

it feels like you are still not sure where the story would lead to.

You started from a lot of unnecessary descriptions and your focus in the entire chapter jumps from one person to the other without really confirming who is the story all about.

There are many details I could point out but what you really need to focus on first is to figure out what the story is really about and try to show that direction in the first chapter.

If the chapter is about the boy then start off with his emotions and preferably stay with him through the entire chapter. If it is about the army then start with warriors, to begin with.

However, it actually isn't entirely unnecessary. The religion, the priest in the first episode follows, is the religion dominating the entire world. I was also trying to show how the religion exploit the suffering of people and give them false hope inorder to make them a believer.

 

[Snusmumriken]

I guess you are right. I also felt like you in the beginning.

However, it actually isn't entirely unnecessary. The religion, the priest in the first episode follows, is the religion dominating the entire world. I was also trying to show how the religion exploit the suffering of people and give them false hope inorder to make them a believer.

I was talking about the paragraph about the river. Was it somehow necessary to the plot? I didn't believe so.

once again you are showing too much of everything. As a reader, I couldn't figure out what was the story actually about. Even religion - I did not see how it was connected to the rest of the chapter. You might know it yourself and it might make sense for you, but as someone who just starting to read your story, I am not aware of your thought process.

And that is why I am telling you to frankly simplify your chapter - you want to slowly introduce the readers to your thought process, to your world and setting. and introduce it with the flow - so that one part is logically progressing from another which allows your reader to get accustomed.

 

[RepresentingCaution]

 

[Suman_Mgr]

I was talking about the paragraph about the river. Was it somehow necessary to the plot? I didn't believe so.

once again you are showing too much of everything. As a reader, I couldn't figure out what was the story actually about. Even religion - I did not see how it was connected to the rest of the chapter. You might know it yourself and it might make sense for you, but as someone who just starting to read your story, I am not aware of your thought process.

And that is why I am telling you to frankly simplify your chapter - you want to slowly introduce the readers to your thought process, to your world and setting. and introduce it with the flow - so that one part is logically progressing from another which allows your reader to get accustomed.

I was talking about the paragraph about the river. Was it somehow necessary to the plot? I didn't believe so.

once again you are showing too much of everything. As a reader, I couldn't figure out what was the story actually about. Even religion - I did not see how it was connected to the rest of the chapter. You might know it yourself and it might make sense for you, but as someone who just starting to read your story, I am not aware of your thought process.

And that is why I am telling you to frankly simplify your chapter - you want to slowly introduce the readers to your thought process, to your world and setting. and introduce it with the flow - so that one part is logically progressing from another which allows your reader to get accusto

I was talking about the paragraph about the river. Was it somehow necessary to the plot? I didn't believe so.

once again you are showing too much of everything. As a reader, I couldn't figure out what was the story actually about. Even religion - I did not see how it was connected to the rest of the chapter. You might know it yourself and it might make sense for you, but as someone who just starting to read your story, I am not aware of your thought process.

And that is why I am telling you to frankly simplify your chapter - you want to slowly introduce the readers to your thought process, to your world and setting. and introduce it with the flow - so that one part is logically progressing from another which allows your reader to get accustomed.

I understand. Your words are completely reasonable and I will do my best to improve using the advice given by you to me. Thank you for your help.

I was talking about the paragraph about the river. Was it somehow necessary to the plot? I didn't believe so.

once again you are showing too much of everything. As a reader, I couldn't figure out what was the story actually about. Even religion - I did not see how it was connected to the rest of the chapter. You might know it yourself and it might make sense for you, but as someone who just starting to read your story, I am not aware of your thought process.

And that is why I am telling you to frankly simplify your chapter - you want to slowly introduce the readers to your thought process, to your world and setting. and introduce it with the flow - so that one part is logically progressing from another which allows your reader to get accustomed.

I understand. Your words are completely reasonable and I will do my best to improve using the advice given by you to me. Thank you for your help.

View attachment 8325

Well, fighting isn't my speciality. I would probably give up writing sooner or later.

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

I understand. Your words are completely reasonable and I will do my best to improve using the advice given by you to me. Thank you for your help.

Well, fighting isn't my speciality. I would probably give up writing sooner or later.

Why not write for the fun of it? If people like it they will. If they don't. Well, at least you like it, right?

 

[Deleted member 45782]

I only read the first chapter so can't really say much about how following chapters and story is like. But its not bad and kinda good or at least, runs smoother than some of the first chapters I've read from feedback threads. Sure maybe some grammar and slight describe details too much but it wasn't overly to the point of story dumping. The main thing that keeps me reading on is the plot, the characters, but since what really makes me go beyond the first chapter is how smooth the story feels when reading it. So if this is just your beginning, it seems like you're on a good decent start.

As for being bland and lifeless, i guess can't tell yet. Althu i had that feeling once but that was bc i wrote as I went, until faced with numerous plotholes, so I started to do just a bit more planning what i imagine how i wannna write a story one day.