Can I get a bit of advice for a short story, it's really full of symbolism and such, not sure most would like it.

[The_Lover]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/517654/my-love--will-the-gods-answer-my-prayer/ it's a story of my first love but it's full of symbolism I've seen during that time, I'd love feedback on it

 

[HouseDelarouxScribbles]

I am not the God of Stage and Theatre, I am just a Dramaturg now! However, your short story did resonate with me! I cannot say I share the same experience, though I am familiar with the feeling!

You have used the same trick as I employed in hiding the central solution of my own book, /Showdown/! If you read the story in its entirety and return to the tags, the mystery reveals itself! However, /Showdown/ writes in the mystery genre so I hid a solution, while you hid a 'meaning'! I quite like that!

I think there is symbolism in birthdays. Birthdays are supposed to be happy celebrations, surrounded by people you like. But if the person you care about doesn't show up, or worse, nobody shows up, that is a most painful thing. I think that is the most striking symbolism in this story and it reminds me to try and remember birthdays as they show up. It is hard of course, time zones are tricky from here to Vespana! We don't even live in the same dimension!

You use capitalizations to hide meanings where people would miss! While I don't quite understand why the Sixth is sometimes capitalized, and sometimes not, my guess is that at times it refers to yourself, while at others, it refers to the 'meaning'. Quite interesting! Well, I'm an Arima Kishou guy, so I'm quite dense like that!

A mystery is not without its clues, and should be solved inside the writing itself. I found the clue in the fifth paragraph when I read how things were going. It is quite subtle, but not difficult to understand! I smiled at how smartly the truth tucked itself away and applaud your wisdom at hiding it well. I am a Dramaturg you see, I am far advanced in reading this sort of thing. (laugh)

While the ending feels a little sad, I sincerely wish your message and heart is understood the right way! Life has a way of making you busy, just like how I am now busy with teaching the three new actresses at my theatre house how to act! So much that I had to keep watching my favorite vtubers to a minimum! I still have a lot of videos lined up to watch, I haven't even watched the debut of a certain princess yet, that's how far I am behind! (laugh)

As a final note, I think people hate you far less that you think of yourself! Your story was good! I enjoyed reading it! Even at this late juncture; I enjoy it still, and wish ten thousand blessings to you back!

Also, a while back I wrote "Arrogant Young Writer", the early part of the story deals with a pair of guys who are close and a girl who... Well, let's say that Doro'een does what Doro'een wants! (laugh) The first seventeen chapters might interest you, especially Jun-sama's character! Why don't you give the cover a look and see if you like it?

Arrogant Young Writer【COMEDY, SATIRE】

//I am making fun of RxyxlRxxd's Star Ratings.// Enrolled halfway into the super-elite arts academy 【Hakou Emporium】, Reurent Incognito must navigate college writing courses, parasocial love, arrogant second scions of famous writing cliques and... You know what? I can't do it!! All I wanted to...

www.scribblehub.com

Edit: Yeesh, HTML problems:

Spoiler

"The Sun - The 19th of the Major Arcana. While I do not know who Lady Luck, Lady Love, Mother Nature and Father Sun symbolize; To me, the sun symbolizes 'happiness, optimism and success in all you do!' If so, I wish you The Sun in all its excellent aspects!"

 

[The_Lover]

I am not the God of Stage and Theatre, I am just a Dramaturg now! However, your short story did resonate with me! I cannot say I share the same experience, though I am familiar with the feeling!

You have used the same trick as I employed in hiding the central solution of my own book, /Showdown/! If you read the story in its entirety and return to the tags, the mystery reveals itself! However, /Showdown/ writes in the mystery genre so I hid a solution, while you hid a 'meaning'! I quite like that!

I think there is symbolism in birthdays. Birthdays are supposed to be happy celebrations, surrounded by people you like. But if the person you care about doesn't show up, or worse, nobody shows up, that is a most painful thing. I think that is the most striking symbolism in this story and it reminds me to try and remember birthdays as they show up. It is hard of course, time zones are tricky from here to Vespana! We don't even live in the same dimension!

You use capitalizations to hide meanings where people would miss! While I don't quite understand why the Sixth is sometimes capitalized, and sometimes not, my guess is that at times it refers to yourself, while at others, it refers to the 'meaning'. Quite interesting! Well, I'm an Arima Kishou guy, so I'm quite dense like that!

A mystery is not without its clues, and should be solved inside the writing itself. I found the clue in the fifth paragraph when I read how things were going. It is quite subtle, but not difficult to understand! I smiled at how smartly the truth tucked itself away and applaud your wisdom at hiding it well. I am a Dramaturg you see, I am far advanced in reading this sort of thing. (laugh)

While the ending feels a little sad, I sincerely wish your message and heart is understood the right way! Life has a way of making you busy, just like how I am now busy with teaching the three new actresses at my theatre house how to act! So much that I had to keep watching my favorite vtubers to a minimum! I still have a lot of videos lined up to watch, I haven't even watched the debut of a certain princess yet, that's how far I am behind! (laugh)

As a final note, I think people hate you far less that you think of yourself! Your story was good! I enjoyed reading it! Even at this late juncture; I enjoy it still, and wish ten thousand blessings to you back!

Also, a while back I wrote "Arrogant Young Writer", the early part of the story deals with a pair of guys who are close and a girl who... Well, let's say that Doro'een does what Doro'een wants! (laugh) The first seventeen chapters might interest you, especially Jun-sama's character! Why don't you give the cover a look and see if you like it?

Arrogant Young Writer【COMEDY, SATIRE】

//I am making fun of RxyxlRxxd's Star Ratings.// Enrolled halfway into the super-elite arts academy 【Hakou Emporium】, Reurent Incognito must navigate college writing courses, parasocial love, arrogant second scions of famous writing cliques and... You know what? I can't do it!! All I wanted to...

www.scribblehub.com

Edit: Yeesh, HTML problems:

Spoiler

"The Sun - The 19th of the Major Arcana. While I do not know who Lady Luck, Lady Love, Mother Nature and Father Sun symbolize; To me, the sun symbolizes 'happiness, optimism and success in all you do!' If so, I wish you The Sun in all its excellent aspects!"

Wow, even I didn't give it that much thought. It was written in a time of emotional turmoil, I knew of the 'hidden' meaning though I thought it more plain to see. But of what do you speak with 'the sixth'? Also, Lady Luck, Lady Love, Mother Nature and Father Sun are pretty much exactly as it says on the tin. My 'spirit guides' if you will, the spirit's I speak to and look to for wisdom in times of need. That's why I speak of the brambles and the arch made by a single tree tree on the path, I took it as a message from Them as a message of beauty after troubles.

Thanks for the review, it gave me new insights into my writing I hadn't thought of before.

Edit: Sorry forgot to say I'll have to check out your story, it sounds pretty good as far as I can tell. Not a fan of harems, but your description gave me a chuckle. I'm a one guy type of guy, too jealous or too in need of love, not sure which. That was the story of my first love, not merely a slight crush, trauma hope and love all rolled into a ball that wants nothing more than a shining light in which Father Sun rules over, Lady Love gives her guidance, Lady Luck guides our destiny, and Mother Nature gives the clearest messages.

Would a sixth chapter of hope for the future be better for an ending? Or would I be forcing it because it's more an autobiography and if I don't feel it, it won't feel as true? You spoke of a Sixth, not sure what you meant by that cause I couldn't see it, but maybe that's how the story will truly be finished.

 

[The_Lover]

The Birthday is actually also my favorite chapter, it's a painful healing to reread it, like washing a wound or something similar. It's pleasant after but painful during. Is cathartic the right word?

 

[HouseDelarouxScribbles]

The Birthday is actually also my favorite chapter, it's a painful healing to reread it, like washing a wound or something similar. It's pleasant after but painful during. Is cathartic the right word?

I would think so! Right now I'm having a rereading of a past work with someone I like, and all the little meanings encoded into the writing come flowing back to me as I read! It is also quite hilarious because even when she is given hints, my reading partner will sometimes 'get' it, but many other times reveal her heart by painting the text gold instead!

 

[The_Lover]

I would think so! Right now I'm having a rereading of a past work with someone I like, and all the little meanings encoded into the writing come flowing back to me as I read! It is also quite hilarious because even when she is given hints, my reading partner will sometimes 'get' it, but many other times reveal her heart by painting the text gold instead!

Thank you, but I still wonder what you meant by 'the sixth' i don't paint my text gold lol, but I KNOW certain parts speak more than others
KNOWING in the full sense of the word

 

[HouseDelarouxScribbles]

Thank you, but I still wonder what you meant by 'the sixth' i don't paint my text gold lol, but I KNOW certain parts speak more than others
KNOWING in the full sense of the word

That's okay! The Sixth in my language of Vespanol is called 'El Enamorado',


"The Lovers (VI) is the sixth trump or Major Arcana card in most traditional Tarot decks. This card embodies the idea of unconditional love and the concept of twin flames" Basically deep connections and attraction!


Combined with what I thought about The Sun, does that explain things to you? (laugh)


In reply to your additional comments from last night:

I see! The forest walk was probably the one thing I didn't quite fully understand in the story, along with the knobbled eagle-head walking stick. The way you put it like that, the image becomes clearer now! I hope all four of them give you good guidance now as in the past; I am a Dramaturg, the core of how I speak and write is often layered! You reminded me of a simple lesson that I didn't really quite get at the end of Tokyo Ghoul :RE, 'sometimes the world is the way it is'!



Perhaps the message bottle misses sometimes, or doesn't reach its intended recipient most of the time, but I think whoever finds it will have a good laugh nevertheless!



Since I am just a dramaturg now, I can't really decide on what's best for you! Perhaps you set out on the path that searches for happiness long ago, but never realized it until now? I think that having the idea to add a final chapter is superb, but why not add it when the bramble parts and the dreams become reality? In the meantime, I think that the search for happiness is also a good story in of itself!

To end off, I should explain the 'revealed hearts painting text gold' part. Its a reference to 'Umineko no Naku Koro Ni', a classic mystery novel where the antagonist is a witch called Beatrice who goes around an island causing murder mysteries. She uses colored text to reveal truths like "Without love, it cannot be seen!" (actual line from visual novel). I quite like this story because a simple reading of 'heart of gold' is that it refers to a person who is good-hearted and kind. This is actual imagery ascribed to Beatrice, but you have to read the book to get the proper context! (Ehehehe!)

For me, 'revealed heart of gold' has a different meaning. To to loop back, sometimes if people don't understand, perhaps I am waiting for the 'intended recipient' to bonk me over the head with my message bottle!

 

[The_Lover]

Thank you, I understand a bit more now. I'm not big on tarot cards, I knew of the lover but it makes sense it may be misconstrued that way. The eagle headed walking stick was a last gift from my father before cancer took him, I thought it embodied freedom to walk the path I chose. We had a rocky relationship but reconciled in the end, the eagle being a symbol of freedom here in the US.

I like that saying about the message in a bottle missing you, not all words speak the same way to different listeners. I'm not sure how the final chapter will go, but I appreciate your words, I'm sure it will come to me as the rest did when the time comes, I only hope it comes sooner than later.

About your Tokyo ghoul reference, I am a simple man, maybe more spiritually inclined than others, but simple in my needs and wants. Simple food and drink, sleep, and a simple love.