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Yeah I can see where I went wrong a few ways. The "sense" he lost was his ability to feel cold, and the shower waking him up was supposed to mostly show that the body somewhat reacts to it, even if he himself can't feel it. I think me referencing it as a sense itself will just throw people off...

Honestly not sure myself what's considered a rough draft. I appreciate the call out on the initial hook though, still trying to figure out how to get the ball rolling a bit faster.

Randomly came up with this idea and wanted to see if it had any legs to stand on or not. Mostly want a baseline on how it feels before a more technical approach (though, I'm fine with any tips you feel like I could use). Did more screenplay writing compared to general prose, so I know I have a...