Woolen_Monkey

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  TheMonotonePuppet

• Sep 12, 2023

Slaughter/Lovin’ Time! Personalized horror time! Let’s dance *pulls the gangly monkey into a waltz*
*squelch*
*squelch*
*squelch*
Your feet sink into the ballroom floor. It’s poop. The puppet flutters off, leaving you to your runny brown fate. Whether demise or. not, it’s terrifying either way, no?

• 

  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 12, 2023

9 out of 10 voices in my head tell me I’m crazy. The tenth is just humming.

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  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 12, 2023

Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.

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  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 12, 2023

Always remember that you’re unique...just like everyone else is.

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  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 12, 2023

If you lend someone money and never see them again, it was probably worth every penny.

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  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 12, 2023

Organized people are those who are just too lazy to find their things.

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  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 12, 2023

A cookie a day keeps your sadness away, but an entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.

• 

  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 12, 2023

I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn’t the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn’t have thought I thought.

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  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 12, 2023

History classes are only going to get longer and harder as time goes on.

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  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 12, 2023

Eight hours of drinking is binge drinking, eight hours of TV is binge-watching, and eight hours of sleep is barely enough.

• 

  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 12, 2023

Most people aren't scared of being alone in the dark—they're scared of not being alone in the dark.

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  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 12, 2023

Your life can't fall apart if it was never really together in the first place.

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  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 12, 2023

In every Olympic event, they should have an average person compete so we can have a point of reference and appreciate the athletes more.

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  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 12, 2023

You may have once made a decision that saved your life without knowing it.

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  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 12, 2023

Searching for a new laptop online is basically forcing your current computer to dig its own grave.

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  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 11, 2023

Most people pull their phones out of their pockets to check the time. We are reverting to the era of pocket watches.

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  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 11, 2023

Every broken clock tells you the exact time it passed away.

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  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 11, 2023

Salt is the only rock that is socially acceptable to eat.

• 

  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 11, 2023

You've never actually seen a full movie because you're always blinking.

• 

  Woolen_Monkey

• Sep 10, 2023

... My friend just walked into my room and humped me... I thought he was going in for a hug... ?