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tldr : its a melting pot of multiple things, but they dont mix well. Its like frankenstein where you totally see its a unnatural fusion. Or a pot of a soup with thrown ingredients in.

What i recommend is first :
-what is your goal ?

I thought : did elijah meant to do a relaxing song (sky theme and pic) ?
But then 5s in and you get this DWANG DWANG piano sounds.

-Like a producer or mixer (whatever name was for this job, i forgot) said
a song, is basically ONE PRINCIPAL PROTAGONIST and rest is to "support it/green leaf it". Like a story.

-and/or i remember the trope, where a singing group is criticized and MC say : you guys keep trying to fight to become the protagonist and why its bad.
Its kinda same thing. I have no clue what to listen to.

The guitar is supposed to be the lead/primary voice, however I can see your point. Do you mean the low piano voice for the “dwang part”? How are you listening to it? Personally I float between the layers after the first loop. Also did you see/hear yesterday's one?

LASTLY.
VERY IMPORTANT.

The smooth sound of the piano. (the one in background)
IS PERFECT.

Chef kiss lvl.

The reason for the low piano voice being so jarring is one to serve as a repetitive pattern for your ears to catch on to and as a volume texture, so that the layer does not feel flat despite only repeating one thing.

The guitar is supposed to be the lead/primary voice

Click to expand...

Hm.....I think you need to focus more on working on your "editing skills" or your microphone.

Its very amateurish. Like a singer/kid that sing very closely to the microphone. = not sure if fault of the micro or kid not knowing how to use one.

At least imo.

It sounds balanced to me, if not only slightly in the forefront. Are you listening with headphones? It is supposed to be clearer in one ear than the other.

The reason for the low piano voice being so jarring is one to serve as a repetitive pattern for your ears to catch on to and as a volume texture

Click to expand...

Yeah i understand what you mean, in fact heard some songs do that.

But things is, it must be in background, EVEN FORGOTTEN or not knowing it exist.

But right now, its too obvious. FAR too much.

It is supposed to be clearer in one ear than the other.

Click to expand...

I am not.
Usual PC.

I guess that is why you dont feel problems.

My music writing/creating philosophy is to have many layers doing their own thing. That doesn’t mean that there is no main voice, but that all layers are important, and should ideally sound good on their own to a degree.

That is the thing, they dont.
Your idea is good, but reality isnt like that.

It is impossible to make ALL OF THEM as protagonist.

@Tsuru do you prefer this other one or the one above?

That is why i said early on : focus on your microphone (recording/mixing) skills.

30s is far too long build-up. Especially with low attention span people nowadays.

Also with how long the build-up goes, it goes too loud. Its like the mockery-joke : do you want to go to heavens !?!!
(using this analogy not to mock but that basically it goes too far(up))

Not very fan as it feel scary, but i neutraly score it 14?/20

It is more music production and composition, since all I have is Sibelius and GarageBand. I do agree that alot of my music is busy, when it comes to voices, but that is how I prefer it. However it won’t hurt to get more practice in voice leading.

For the blue sky one its 11?/20 and its bc im kind.

If i was the food judge harsh guy, its a 9/20 or even 5/20 GTFO of my kitchen.

Do you think these pieces create/serve their own atmospheres?

Btw
here is an example of : (repetitive sounds in background)


First listen without bothering to study the song.
(Read rest only after listening once)
THEN REPEAT. And focus on noises in background. There is a CLEAR snap finger noise. That is very annoying usually and/or when you discover it. But if you dont, its totally fine.