I’ll Critique Your First Chapter’s Hook (Honest Feedback)

Hey,

I’ve been thinking a lot about story openings, especially how quickly a reader decides whether to continue or drop something.

With attention spans getting shorter, I want to focus specifically on hook strength, particularly in the first 5–6 lines, and then how the rest of the chapter maintains that interest.

If you’d like, drop your first chapter below and I’ll give honest, slightly critical feedback focused on:

• How strong the initial hook is
• Where attention is gained or lost
• Whether the opening makes me want to keep reading

The types of hooks I generally look for are:

• Character
• Scene
• Theme
• Curiosity
• Question
• Promise

From what I’ve seen, the strongest openings usually combine 3 or more of these.

I’ll mainly focus on hook effectiveness rather than grammar or line-level writing, this is more about reader engagement than polish.

If you have time, you’re also welcome to check out my first chapter and share your thoughts, but no pressure.

My First Chapter

Thought this might be useful for others working on their openings.

Here. Thanks!

Thanks in advance <3

Villainess of Stolen Destinies

Lilithra’s story should have ended on Earth. One moment she was a tired young woman with a life going nowhere, and the next she was waking up in the dying body of a succubus villainess — a girl whose fate had already been sealed long before she arrived. The original...

www.scribblehub.com

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Eeeyy, you havent even finished your last feedback thread! theres line ups of novels there and you already opening a new one?

At this point you are suspiciously behaving like someone farming for novels to get translated

Bimbanana said:

Eeeyy, you havent even finished your last feedback thread! theres line ups of novels there and you already opening a new one?

At this point you are suspiciously behaving like someone farming for novels to get translated

Click to expand...

They could be farming for authors to get their organs harvested. Very common in East Europe.

Money is everything. With enough money, even a comedian can become a head of state.

Bimbanana said:

At this point you are suspiciously behaving like someone farming for novels to get translated

Click to expand...

If you wish to clear this suspicion, you need to solve this Captcha:

1. How short is Pangmida?
a. Shorter than a baboon. b. Shorter than an Orangutan

2. What is Alicemoonvale favorite emoji?
a. . b.

3. How old is Sleepandeatallday?
a. 14. b.16

Bimbanana said:

2. What is Alicemoonvale favorite emoji?
a. . b.

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c.

AliceMoonvale said:

c.

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She's unwilling to show what Kirbo hold on its left hand

Bimbanana said:

Eeeyy, you havent even finished your last feedback thread! theres line ups of novels there and you already opening a new one?

At this point you are suspiciously behaving like someone farming for novels to get translated

Click to expand...

Shh, don’t tell the orc this thread was created before the other one.

Makimaam said:

Shh, don’t tell the orc this thread was created before the other one.

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I will not retract my accusation until OP solved the captcha

How's this?