Chuck Norris ascends to head of the Afterlife

Sabruness · Friday at 3:11 PM

So, uh, Chuck Norris finally defeated the ultimate enemy, life itself, and has now ascended to the Head of the Afterlife after the Grim Repear saw Chuck coming and decided to retire.

RIP Chuck. https://www.news.com.au/breaking-ne...t/news-story/df8034e0207cfa8f82f067505378a4f5

Our_Lady_in_Twilight · Friday at 4:05 PM

Death came for Chuck Norris 20 years ago. He's been sat waiting until Chuck said he's ready.

Alski · Friday at 4:07 PM

I hear hes been training to beat up god.

JayMark · Friday at 4:10 PM

Death didn't take Chuck Norris's life.
Chuck Norris took life's death.

Juia_Darkcrest · Friday at 4:10 PM

Alski said:
I hear hes been training to beat up god.

Training? He has already trained. He is on his way up there for the final championship match.

JayMark · Friday at 4:11 PM

Alski said:
I hear hes been training to beat up god.

Breaking News, God returns to Earth after fighting Chuck Norris.

Alski · Friday at 4:13 PM

Juia_Darkcrest said:
Training? He has already trained. He is on his way up there for the final championship match.

Only took him 86 years to get strong enough to beat up god.

Juia_Darkcrest · Friday at 4:15 PM

Alski said:
Only took him 86 years to get strong enough to beat up god.

He was ready back in 94' it took god the extra time to prepare.

Fairemont · Friday at 4:16 PM

Chuck Norris died on my birthday. Wow....lame.

Emotica · Friday at 4:51 PM

When is he coming back?

Alski · Friday at 4:53 PM

Emotica said:
When is he coming back?

Once hes finished fighting all of the strongest people in history.

Emotica · Friday at 4:54 PM

Alski said:
Once hes finished fighting all of the strongest people in history.

Should be any minute now.

TinaMigarlo · Friday at 8:38 PM

Emotica said:
When is he coming back?

whenever he feels like it, obviously.

it is a bummer.
my dad and his buddies would talk about old chuck norris movies.
I've seen things like 'good guys wear black', 'the octagon', and couple others, staying up late to see these things.

a bit of karate tournament lore.
there was *one* guy that was Chuck's equal, when he was still doing tournaments.
Name was something like "Tonny Tullener", or that's close.

for trivia:
the infamous "chuck norris facts" were *originally* Vin Diesel facts
someone changed them to "chuck norris facts" and the rest is history.

Juia_Darkcrest · Friday at 9:07 PM

Emotica said:
When is he coming back?

I should start writing my own religion about the 2nd coming of Chuck Norris...

The Man, The Myth, The Legend - The True Chronicles of the Texas Ranger

JayMark · 2026-03-21T07:06:49+0000

In related news: Scientists baffled as gobal testosterone levels drop 99% overnight.

NotaNuffian · 2026-03-21T07:11:00+0000

Whelp, last I heard is tbar Chuck didn't die and left Earth.

All of us including Earth had died and left Chuck.

This is another Harambe incident, innit?

Corty · 2026-03-21T07:27:52+0000

Death got fed up with not being able to catch him. So, being a good sportsman, he willingly offered to go with him.

What a mad lad. He didn't want to put death out of a job.

Respect!

JayMark · 2026-03-21T07:31:45+0000

Corty said:
Death got fed up with not being able to catch him. So, being a good sportsman, he willingly offered to go with him.

What a mad lad. He didn't want to put death out of a job.

Respect!

Death went with him but couldn't keep up. Norris was already there sayin' "What took you so long?"

SirContro · 2026-03-21T07:40:37+0000

After 86 years, Chuck Norris has finally defeated his toughest opponent, Chuck Norris.

Playerkartik · 2026-03-21T08:24:15+0000

Would it make you all angry...if I say...I don't know who is Chuck Norris...

Chuck Norris ascends to head of the Afterlife

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