Hello, I am still improving as a writer, but I finally managed to post my first original novel

https://www.scribblehub.com/read/2230721-the-world-i-went-to/chapter/2230752/

There is the first chapter, I want feedbacks on it. My friend helped me edited the grammar. This is a story I have had in mind since I was in high school. I want to know what else I can improve on when writing the 2nd chapter. Please and thank you. I will look forward to it. I almost forgot, please excuse the cover art, I made it myself with MS Paint. I don't have the budget to hire an artist to draw and make one, but in the future once I do I will. For now that will be the temporary one.

Just a small note from a Japanese reader:
The name "Hihiko" sounds a little unusual in Japan.
Names ending with "-hiko" do exist (like Yoshihiko or Akihiko), but "Hihiko" itself is not very common.
If you want the name to sound more natural, you might consider something like Akihiko, Norihiko, or Yoshihiko.

KinaSkynight said:

https://www.scribblehub.com/read/2230721-the-world-i-went-to/chapter/2230752/

There is the first chapter, I want feedbacks on it. My friend helped me edited the grammar. This is a story I have had in mind since I was in high school. I want to know what else I can improve on when writing the 2nd chapter. Please and thank you. I will look forward to it. I almost forgot, please excuse the cover art, I made it myself with MS Paint. I don't have the budget to hire an artist to draw and make one, but in the future once I do I will. For now that will be the temporary one.

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You might want to wait for someone to give you an in-depth review of your story here.

For me? I suggest you continue writing more chapters instead of asking for a review immediately.

It's kind of bland from the get-go. Don't take my words seriously, because I'm not a fan of BL works.

Nolff said:

Don't take my words seriously, because I'm not a fan of BL works.

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Only because the work have no gay black men our country is obsessed with.

KinaSkynight said:

https://www.scribblehub.com/read/2230721-the-world-i-went-to/chapter/2230752/

There is the first chapter, I want feedbacks on it. My friend helped me edited the grammar. This is a story I have had in mind since I was in high school. I want to know what else I can improve on when writing the 2nd chapter. Please and thank you. I will look forward to it. I almost forgot, please excuse the cover art, I made it myself with MS Paint. I don't have the budget to hire an artist to draw and make one, but in the future once I do I will. For now that will be the temporary one.

Click to expand...

If it were the older me, I would have jumped into any manhwa/manhua/manga with this synopsis. Best of luck!

K_Nishi said:

Just a small note from a Japanese reader:
The name "Hihiko" sounds a little unusual in Japan.
Names ending with "-hiko" do exist (like Yoshihiko or Akihiko), but "Hihiko" itself is not very common.
If you want the name to sound more natural, you might consider something like Akihiko, Norihiko, or Yoshihiko.

Click to expand...

Thanks for that, I am actually trying to do something with the names... I want to go for a more unusual or weird name. I did have another one, Mitsuhiko but I asked around my friend group and like Hihiko won the vote so I decided to go with that name. Even my mom choose Hihiko lol. Should I really change it?

Nolff said:

You might want to wait for someone to give you an in-depth review of your story here.

For me? I suggest you continue writing more chapters instead of asking for a review immediately.

It's kind of bland from the get-go. Don't take my words seriously, because I'm not a fan of BL works.

Click to expand...

Sorry, I am asking for one now because of I heard that people will judge the whole story with the first chapter alone, which is why I was so nervous and I do want to improve as much as possible. BL is part of it, but it will be quite a slow burn romance, which is my favourite hehe.

Erysion said:

Only because the work have no gay black men our country is obsessed with.

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Wow O_O I never heard of that, interesting and well pretty hilarious lololol. Hello from your neighbor Malaysia by the way, haha!

Nevafrost said:

If it were the older me, I would have jumped into any manhwa/manhua/manga with this synopsis. Best of luck!

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Is it no good? Please tell me why so that I can improve, I am very bad at writing a good summary, I will improve on it

Erysion said:

Only because the work have no gay black men our country is obsessed with.

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Jomok Media.

Erysion said:

Only because the work have no gay black men our country is obsessed with.

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Absolute satisfaction.

I haven’t read it yet. The large spacing between paragraphs put me off.

Makimaam said:

I haven’t read it yet. The large spacing between paragraphs put me off.

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Okay, I will go fix it.

I just came back from fixing it, oh dear, I didn't know it was like that. I thought it was just how the site space things. Thanks! Now please enjoy :)

Well, I showed what people said here to my editor friend and she quit... and my best friend might be too busy to help me beta read, so I guess I will be going at this all solo now maybe except for my old friend Google for research lmao! So chapter 2 onwards, it will be unedited so possibly with a lot of grammar mistakes so I apologize in advance.

Also taking into account what Nolff said along with a guild friend, I will write more chapters before asking for a review. I will be making a new thread for this once I have gotten to 6 chapters, so see you guys there. When I said I will do it, I will do it. Thank you and I will see you guys when I have posted chapter 6.

To those who took the time to read chapter 1, I thank you all. I appreciate all of it hehe for giving me a chance. Thank you :) no matter the suggestions and feedback, I will always keep it all in mind. Thank you again, I will see you guys in the next chapter.