Just read up until chapter 2! Sigrún is funny I like her
Most of the stories I've written are in third-person with past tense, that's my only qualification, so take my feedback with a grain of salt <:
I noticed that you used 'would' a lot for actions, he would do this, it would do that. I've never really seen actions written like that but it does give the impression of not being confident in their own choice of action. Saying you would take a step back doesn't mean you
will necessarily.
'Would' indicates that a person can do it at some point, just not now and definitely not for certain. But I don't want you to feel conscious on writing 'would' now that I pointed it out, there are places where you used it in the right context such as :
And using her power, she wouldn’t use her power to kill powerful foes, slay tyrants, nor end wars as they were created to do.
Instead, she would kill weak monsters for her little slime friend [...]
From a simple google search :
["Will" expresses definite future actions and certainty, while "would" signifies
hypothetical, conditional, or imaginary situations.]
But I might be wrong, I've seen actions written like that in roleplay spaces in the past but never seen it in books that are written in past tense itself.
Also, don't worry too much with not being good at a POV you've rarely written in, third-person and first-person is vastly different in many ways after all. Keep on practicing and you'll get used to it!
If you're interested, you can narrow down on what type of third-person POV you want to write in—omniscient, limited, or objective—and learn some more about it.
