OrionVale's latest activity

Don't overdo sensory descriptions in a single scene. If you provide too many sensory descriptions, the reader may lose focus. Instead...

I see as I thought the sensory details is eating too much of the chapter. I'll tighten this an expand the plot per chapter rather than...

I'm back with the chapter I fixed the senses but I think the sensory details might need some tone down😕 @Eldoria

That was my point mc act like child. Since her body was of a 15 yrs old japanese woman. Also it's important to emphasize her childish...

I posted a chapter 7, can you tell me if something is still lacking? I tried improving it. @Eldoria I posted the chapter. I tried...

I read your story , Eldoria has basically summed up any useful advices at this stage Pov shifts and pacing was a bit too vague and...

Just type username with the initial @ (for example, @Eldoria) in your answer.

I see I'll focus on Aikos pov in the next chapters. The world structure is done and the path are already planned but the scene are not...

I see so the problem started in chapter 4. The main plot is AIKO travelling while and gradually introducing my world structure with...

Thanks. How do I call you tho.

That was really helpful. Tho I'd really like to know more about the other points I'd like to fix the paragraph and pov for now atleast...

I was supposedly a story teller so I think it's my pov, and there are times I used pov of characters I didn't consider but I think...

Thanks for the reminder I just found how to edit it hahaha

I attached the link. Feedback about weakness and strength, something lacking something need reinforcement

Heyo everyone, OrionVale here. I'm seeking advice and feedbacks for my first series with 6 chapter as prologue tho it felt long I want...