The Art of Creative Insults: A Thread

[AliceMoonvale]

In stories you likely read or write, you spot a character dishing out some sort of insult at some point.
It doesn't matter to who or what, but is it creative? Regardless of any humor attached to it.

I'd like to discuss that here, as I'm quite a fan of insults and casting shade upon others in both writing and real life. I know, it's shocking.

For instance, I'm quite a fan of the phrase "your lights are on, but nobody's home"
A jab at someone who is perceived to not be that active up that squishy muscle inside their bone cage we call a head.

So please, share some creative ways to insult characters.
Let's avoid slurs of course and the like! and dishing out actual malicious, unnecessary insults for realsies.
(this is secretly a literary comedy show)

Or, feel free to reference classic oldies but goodies from OGs like Shakespeare.
One of my favorites is: "Villain, I have done thy mother!" - Titus Andronicus

 

[Our_Lady_in_Twilight]

Ok, I'm being such a cliche, but I feel like I have to say it...

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries"

 

[AliceMoonvale]

Ok, I'm being such a cliche, but I feel like I have to say it...

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries"

Ah yes, such wonderful insults that have been used/referenced in places like the game Oh Sir - The insult simulator, for one.
An amazing game.

 

[pangmida]

In response to the yo mama joke, I’d like to add in the famous White Chicks scene.

“Your mama’s so old that her breast milk is powder. She breastfeeds like this—” *poof*

 

[Bimbanana]

Does this count? This is from one of my scene when Lucifer fights Lilith:


Luke and Lilith hovered in midair, both of them bruised, scorched, and bleeding in more places than they cared to count.
They were also grinning like maniacs.

“You’re getting slower,” Luke said, rolling his shoulders. “Are you gaining weight? Stress eating at the Black House?”

“My therapist said I should face my problems,” Lilith replied sweetly. “And here you are.”

“Hah!” Luke laughed and spread his arms. “Did you tell your therapist that your problem is this BIG?”

Power surged through him.
Six wings burst outward. His halo twisted, glowing a violent crimson as demonic energy spiraled around his body like a raging storm.

Demon King form.

Lilith scoffed.
“Every big problem can be solved starting with the smallest one,” she said flatly. “So I’ll start by removing your d*ck!”

 

[ElijahRyne]

In stories you likely read or write, you spot a character dishing out some sort of insult at some point.
It doesn't matter to who or what, but is it creative? Regardless of any humor attached to it.

I'd like to discuss that here, as I'm quite a fan of insults and casting shade upon others in both writing and real life. I know, it's shocking.

For instance, I'm quite a fan of the phrase "your lights are on, but nobody's home"
A jab at someone who is perceived to not be that active up that squishy muscle inside their bone cage we call a head.

So please, share some creative ways to insult characters.
Let's avoid slurs of course and the like! and dishing out actual malicious, unnecessary insults for realsies.
(this is secretly a literary comedy show)

Or, feel free to reference classic oldies but goodies from OGs like Shakespeare.
One of my favorites is: "Villain, I have done thy mother!" - Titus Andronicus

You are as keen as a maggot pie is lemon. Your face is that of an elderly man‘s face being worn by a carp. Your voice is like a duck and a child. You smell like a fox.

 

[AliceMoonvale]

In response to the yo mama joke, I’d like to add in the famous White Chicks scene.

“Your mama’s so old that her breast milk is powder. She breastfeeds like this—” *poof*

I've watched that movie so many times, I memorized all the lines. lmao

Does this count? This is from one of my scene when Lucifer fights Lilith:


Luke and Lilith hovered in midair, both of them bruised, scorched, and bleeding in more places than they cared to count.
They were also grinning like maniacs.

“You’re getting slower,” Luke said, rolling his shoulders. “Are you gaining weight? Stress eating at the Black House?”

“My therapist said I should face my problems,” Lilith replied sweetly. “And here you are.”

“Hah!” Luke laughed and spread his arms. “Did you tell your therapist that your problem is this BIG?”

Power surged through him.
Six wings burst outward. His halo twisted, glowing a violent crimson as demonic energy spiraled around his body like a raging storm.

Demon King form.

Lilith scoffed.
“Every big problem can be solved starting with the smallest one,” she said flatly. “So I’ll start by removing your d*ck!”

It counts. That's all I'll say.
And uh. the name 'the black house' kinda caught my attention more than anything. I feel concerned.

 

[ElijahRyne]

If a kitten were to notice you, it would fly away in fear at your discongruent existence. You are known to others as the one whose family hung themselves to get away from your rancid self. Your absence was not noticed but celebrated, may you leave as fast as a snail this time and break your slothly record.

 

[Bimbanana]

I've watched that movie so many times, I memorized all the lines. lmao



It counts. That's all I'll say.
And uh. the name 'the black house' kinda caught my attention more than anything. I feel concerned.

Shhh...

...do not dwell further

 

[Envylope]

I learned one from a certain someone here. "You probably read with your finger on the page."

 

[CharlesEBrown]

For instance, I'm quite a fan of the phrase "your lights are on, but nobody's home"

Recall hearing a few (some of which I've shamelessly stolen) over the years. A variation of the above, used to describe a very good-looking but not very bright woman:
"She has an empty upstairs apartment, but man what a staircase."

One of the stranger ones I've heard:
"I don't have a mother - dad and I share yours."

Or, feel free to reference classic oldies but goodies from OGs like Shakespeare.
One of my favorites is: "Villain, I have done thy mother!" - Titus Andronicus

There was a TV series on one of the cable networks about ten years ago that featured Shakespeare as a character. One of the best scenes in it was when he got into a "dis battle" in a bar - though the format was closer to a modern rap battle, apparently there is an historical precedent for this, and Shakespeare was supposed to be good at it.

 

[AliceMoonvale]

One of the stranger ones I've heard:
"I don't have a mother - dad and I share yours."

I don't like how that sounds very much. lmao

 

[tiaf]

In response to the yo mama joke, I’d like to add in the famous White Chicks scene.

“Your mama’s so old that her breast milk is powder. She breastfeeds like this—” *poof*

Gosh, I need to rewatch this movie

 

[Bayleyrockstar]

"You're so old-fashioned, you drive everyone to drink!" was one that tickled me enough to remember it.

"I envy those who don't know you."

and my favorite. "With you in the gene pool, I need to hire a lifeguard."

 

[ElijahRyne]

There are quite a few folks out there who might love you, unfortunately they live on another planet made from lies and hope. Your bronchitis was born from your nightly bronco like neighing. Your joints are made of spider eggs and mustard. Your body looks like a cracked tennis racket. Your nose has four nostrils, and hair grows from your eyes.
I am starting to run dry on insults, but at least I do not reek of vinegar like sweaty sweaty you.

 

[Sylver]

"If i was your wife, I'd slip poison into your coffee."
"Madame, if you were my wife I would drink that coffee."

 

[ElijahRyne]

Here are some more insults for your eyes to smell so you can understand that your geriatric window of a mind can find a different place to dance. Your green hairy eyes fold back into your skull every time you take a breath in. Your skin hangs loose like a curtain on a pumpkin. May you lose your tree toed mouth so that your veins no longer leave your mouth. You chew your food with your armpit. You wash your hands with mud. You dance on broken glass while building your coffin.

 

[CountVanBadger]

Maybe this counts as an insult, maybe it doesn't, but...

Less than an hour later, the scenery began to look familiar. Jeremy thought they had traveled for dozens of miles in the nine hours he’d been following her, and for his peace of mind she let him believe that. In truth, Miranda had spent most of that time leading him in circles, doubling back, and weaving this way and that in the most unpredictable pattern she could manage.

Trell was actually only a few scant miles away from where they had started, but she hoped that would actually work in their advantage. With any luck, the trail would be confusing enough that it would take Miles’ goons a few days even to make it that far. Even if the Shield Wardens abandoned the trail altogether, hopefully they would dismiss Trell as too obvious a hiding spot.

She hoped they did follow the trail all the way to the end, though. And when they did, she hoped Miles was smart enough to see it for what it was. At first glance, her movements were designed to seem completely random. But if they were keeping track of their progress at all, sooner or later her little message would be revealed.

MILES STREINER IS A SLUR!

"Slur" is one of the automatic profanity filters that keeps everyone in Nyr from swearing.

 

[Daeron]

"I can tell you spend more time taking selfies than you do in front of the mirror."

 

[Lazytruly]

"I would have shouted slurs at you, but I dont enjoy shouting at lesser mammals,not to mention Peta would sue me for animal cruelty "